


Homesick

by UbermenschBodhisattva



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Cosmic Fantasy, Crimes & Criminals, Drama, Drug Use, Eventual Romance, Graffiti, Homelessness, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Pirates, Supernatural Elements, Transgender, bereavement, coulrophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 72,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UbermenschBodhisattva/pseuds/UbermenschBodhisattva
Summary: John Egbert and his friends destroyed the world, met some aliens, became Gods, made friends with youthful versions of their guardians, escaped from an angry demi-urge, and created a universe.But that is another life, on another Spoke of the Wheel. Here and now they find themselves on another Spoke altogether, ready for a new adventure, and with no memories of another life lived somewhere else, somewhen else, someone else.Their personalities have been preserved; many of the same formative events have happened to them, although the exact details have been distorted like light bending through water. Orphaned from context, one can't help but imagine that they might end up feeling a little homesick. Perhaps even eponymously so...
Comments: 101
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

Begin Homesick

**THIRTEEN.**  
  
THE NUMBER OF DAYS SINCE YOU WERE ABDUCTED BY MARAUDING PIRATES FROM YOUR HOME.  
  
YOUR WHOLE WORLD AS YOU KNEW IT, ACTUALLY.  
  
**FOUR.**  
  
THE NUMBER OF DAYS IT'S BEEN SINCE YOU FOUND YOUR **BEST FRIEND.**  
  
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU AT THE TIME.  
  
TODAY. THE DAY YOU START YOUR ADVENTURE.  
  
WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?

> Introduce yourself

YOUR NAME IS JOHN, OF COURSE. JOHN. HOW COULD YOU FORGET? IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT REAL.

> John: Holy shit!

YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT, OF COURSE. YOUR BEST FRIEND SAID SOMETHING ABOUT IT IN SPARSE DETAIL DURING YOUR SHORT MEETING. YOU'RE NOT PRECISELY CERTAIN WHAT IT MEANS.  
  
SHE GAVE YOU AN ADDRESS TO VISIT.  
  
SPEAKING OF PROPERTIES YOU CAN ADDRESS, LET'S ADDRESS SOME OF YOUR PROPERTIES.

John: hehehe

YOU ARE FROM AN OCEAN WORLD THAT YOUR PEOPLE CALLED SOME LOCAL LINGUISTIC VARIATION ON "THE WORLD" BUT WHICH YOU HAVE COME TO LEARN IS REFERRED TO AS "ESZETT" ACCORDING TO OFFICIAL DOCUMENTATION KEPT BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE CITY. ITS PRIMARY TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT IS BRONZE, WHICH YOU FORMERLY REGARDED AS BASICALLY MAGIC. SINCE COMING TO THIS CITY, YOU HAVE LEARNED THAT IT IS REGARDED AS EXTREMELY PRIMITIVE. APPARENTLY, YOU ARE SOME KIND OF SAVAGE? YOU REGARD FARMING AS PROBABLY A MORE HONEST WAY OF MAKING YOUR LIVING THAN DOING WORK FOR A FARAWAY PERSON YOU DON'T KNOW IN EXCHANGE FOR CURRENCY YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT AND THEN TRADING CURRENCY AT A MARKET STALL YOU MIGHT NEVER FIND AGAIN. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE TASTY FOODS YOU’VE DISCOVERED AT SOME OF THEM.  
  
YOU ARE PRESENTLY DRESSED IN CLOTHING ISSUED BY THE CITY GOVERNMENT UPON YOUR RECOVERY FROM THE CLUTCHES OF SLAVING PIRATES. A PAIR OF STURDY MONOGENDER BRITCHES, WORK BOOTS, AND A PLAIN AND SERVICEABLE WHITE SHIRT WITH AN ACCOMPANYING VEST AND A PAIR OF TOUGH FINGERLESS WORK GLOVES. YOU ALSO HAVE A COMFORTABLE, FASHIONABLE, AND WARM PIECE OF NECKWEAR. THE CITY GOVERNMENT OFFERED YOU THE CHOICE BETWEEN A NECKERCHIEF AND A SCARF, IN A COLOR OF YOUR CHOICE. WHAT DID YOU CHOOSE?

John: i guess the neckerchief is pretty stylish and comfortable! and i think blue is a pretty good color for me.  
  
John: this material is really nice. we didn't have anything this fancy back home, and that's so far turning out to be kind of par for the course here!

EXCELLENT.  
  
AS IT TURNS OUT, WARM AND COMFORTABLE CLOTHING IS VERY USEFUL IN YOUR NEW ENVIRONMENT. IT IS VERY COLD HERE ON THE RIM OF THE CITY.

> John: Speaking of which, try and remember what you can about the City.

CERTAINLY.  
  
WHILE THE MINUTIAE OF ITS SOCIETY ESCAPE YOU, YOU DID RECEIVE A BRIEF HISTORY LESSON DURING YOUR NATURALIZATION. IT WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:  
  
5000 YEARS AGO, MORE OR LESS, A SMALL GROUP OF SURVIVORS ESCAPED THE DELUGE, WHEN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE WORLD BROKE OPEN, AND ALL WAS LOST, CONSUMED BY THE ABYSS.  
  
ACCORDING TO LEGEND, THEY WERE LED TO THE FIRST WORLD-ISLAND TO RE-EMERGE FROM THE RECEDING WATERS BY A TRIO OF SOVEREIGNS WHO RULED THE OLD WORLD. WHEN THE PEOPLE ARRIVED HERE, THEY THANKED THE GODS FOR THEIR SALVATION, AND NAMED THEIR NEW HOME "SANCTUM" - A HOLY PLACE DEDICATED TO THE GODS FOREVER.  
  
OVER TIME, AS MORE SURVIVORS ARRIVED, THE NATURAL RESOURCES OF SANCTUM HAD TO BE FURTHER EXPLOITED. EVENTUALLY, THEY WERE USED UP. BY THIS TIME, OTHER WORLDS HAD BEEN SETTLED AND BROUGHT BACK INTO COMMUNICATION. SO NOW THE CITY OF SANCTUM ENCOMPASSES ITS WHOLE WORLD-ISLAND. IT HAS BECOME A HUB OF TRADE AND A SAFE PLACE FOR TRAVELERS.

> John: Boggle vacantly at these shenanigans.

YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT TOO, OF COURSE.YOU ALSO REMEMBER THAT IT'S COLD HERE AT THE EDGE OF THE CITY BECAUSE IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY OCEANS OR MANY TREES, SANCTUM IS POOR AT RETAINING HEAT OVERNIGHT. THE AMBIENT WARMTH PROVIDED BY THE SUN BLEEDS BACK INTO HEAVEN OVERNIGHT.

> John: Examine your surroundings

YOU ARE PRESENTLY IN YOUR HOUSE. IT IS REALLY MORE OF A SHANTY, MADE OF FLIMSY MASS-PRODUCED MATERIAL THAT IS POOR AT KEEPING OUT THE COLD. YOU CAN SEE THE CITY OUTSIDE THROUGH ONE OF YOUR TWO WINDOWS, THE HUGE BUILDINGS RISING UP INTO THE DISTANCE IN A GRADUAL SLOPE. THE WAY THE CITY IS ARRANGED REMINDS YOU OF A BEEHIVE. THROUGH THE OTHER WINDOW, YOU CAN SEE OUT TOWARD THE EDGE OF THE WORLD - CLEAR AND INFINITE HEAVEN BOTH ABOVE, AND FROM CERTAIN ANGLES, BELOW.  
  
INSIDE, YOUR BEDROLL LIES ALONG ONE WALL ACCOMPANIED BY A STANDARD ISSUE BLANKET WHICH IS MUCH BETTER AT KEEPING IN THE WARM. THERE IS ONE ELECTRIC-POWERED LIGHT ON THE CEILING, AND ALONG THE OTHER WALL IS ONE GAS-POWERED HEATING UNIT WHICH DOUBLES AS AN OVEN AND STOVE – ABOVE IT, A CUPBOARD CONTAINING YOUR FOOD AND COOKING IMPLEMENTS. A FLUSH TOILET IS SEQUESTERED FROM THE REST OF THE SMALL SHACK BY A PARTITION. ELECTRIC LIGHTING, GAS HEATING, AND INDOOR PLUMBING ARE SOME OF THE VARIOUS AMENITIES WHICH SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE TO EVEN THE MOST IMPOVERISHED IN SANCTUM, WHICH FOR NOW INCLUDES YOU. KNICK KNACKS AND TCHOTCHKES HELP MAKE THE SPACE A LITTLE MORE LIVABLE.

> John: Consider your occupation

WHY ARE YOU SO POOR, ANYWAY? OH RIGHT. IT'S BECAUSE THE CITY GOVERNMENT HAS AFFORDED YOU EMPLOYMENT AS A MAINTENANCE WORKER. RIGHT NOW, SINCE YOUR ADVENTURE HAS NOT OFFICIALLY STARTED, YOU HAVE BEEN OCCUPYING YOUR DAYS WITH MENIAL LABOR TO SCRAPE TOGETHER SOME EXTRA CASH. YOU HAVE SPENT YOUR FIRST COUPLE WEEKS GOING TO AND FRO AND CLIMBING UP AND DOWN IN THE DOCKS, WAREHOUSES, AND YARDS HERE AT THE RIM, AND HAMMERING AT VARIOUS FIXTURES IN ORDER TO REPAIR THEM.

> John: Examine your belongings

POOR YOU MAY BE, BUT REMEMBER THAT CASH YOU’VE BEEN SCRAPING TOGETHER? IT’S ALLOWED YOU TO PURCHASE THE AFOREMENTIONED DOODADS AND WHATCHAMACALLITS WITH WHICH YOU HAVE POPULATED YOUR HOUSE AND MADE IT A LITTLE MORE OF A HOME. YOU HAVE IMMEDIATELY DISCOVERED A LOVE FOR MOVIES, WHICH ARE LIKE THE STAGE PLAYS ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WRITES, EXCEPT THEY CAN BE WATCHED OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HAVE FAR MORE CONVINCING SPECIAL EFFECTS, AND HAVE ACTORS WHO ARE FAR MORE TALENTED AS A RESULT OF BEING ABLE TO DEDICATE ALL THEIR TIME TO PRACTICING. YOU HAVE ACQUIRED POSTERS BASED ON SOME OF YOUR FAVORITES AND PUT THEM UP ON THE WALLS. YOU HAVE ALSO ACQUIRED A SELECTION OF KITSCHY CLOWN AND HARLEQUIN FIGURINES FROM THE CIRCUS YOU VISITED EARLIER THIS WEEK. NORMALLY, YOU DON’T LIKE CLOWNS, BUT THESE REMIND YOU OF YOUR FATHER, SO THEY STAY. THERE ARE AN ASSORTMENT OF OTHER GEWGAWS, BUT EVEN YOU AGREE THEY’RE INCONSEQUENTIAL TO DESCRIBE.  
  
IN ADDITION, YOU HAVE A HANDFUL OF THINGS ON YOUR PERSON.  
  
THERE’S A CANDY BAR THAT YOU’VE BEEN NURSING FOR A WHILE. YOU CAN’T EAT MUCH LATELY WITHOUT FEELING GORGED. YOU HAVE A HOUSEKEY THAT LETS YOU ENTER YOUR DWELLING LEGALLY. YOU HAVE A HAMMER, WHICH IS ACTUALLY A USEFUL MULTITOOL THAT YOU CAN USE TO REPAIR THINGS WHILE ON THE JOB, BUT YOU LIKE TO THINK OF IT AS A HAMMER. YOU HAVE A DECK OF CARDS YOU PICKED UP FROM A GAMING STORE, WITH WHICH YOU’VE BEEN PRACTICING PRESTIDIGITATION.  
  
YOU ALSO HAVE A PAIR OF NOTES.

*One of them is from your best friend. It has the address and day you're supposed to go meet her, written in her purple handwriting, and equally purply prose.*  
  
*AnOtHeR iS iN sImIlAr bUt MoRe DaRkLy CoLoReD pUrPlE sCrAwL tHaT cAn OnLy Be ChArItAbLy DeScRiBeD aS hAnDwRiTiNg. It AlSo HaS aN aDdReSs LiStEd On It, AnD tHe SaMe DaY. iT ApPears To HaVe BeEn SlIpPeD InTo YoUr PoCkEt By A mEmBeR oF tHe CiRcUs.* 

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY FIND OUT WHAT BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE WANT TODAY, BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU ONLY HAVE TIME TO SEE ONE OF THEM. THE OTHER WILL HAVE TO WAIT.  
  
WHAT WILL YOU DO?

*WHICH IS TO SAY, WHAT WILL JOHN DO? FROM HERE ON OUT, JOHN CAN NARRATE HIS OWN ACTIONS BY ENCLOSING THEM IN ASTERISKS, AS SUCH. WE WILL MERELY ADVISE FROM HERE ON OUT, AND AT TIMES, DESCRIBE THINGS WHICH ARE BEYOND JOHN'S CONTROL. NOT THAT ANY OF THAT MEANS MUCH TO JOHN. BUT IT IS MEANINGFUL TO US.*  
  
John: *john guesses that's exactly what he'll do then. although he's still only marginally aware of it.*

SO ONCE MORE WITH FEELING:  
  
WHAT WILL JOHN DO?  
  



	2. Chapter 2

>Narrator: Adopt a more casual manner of dictation, ALL CAPS are irritating to read. 

Alright. Just for the record, I don't take commands, but I do know when to take a hint. Now let's take a look at these actual suggestions, and not the one I just gave myself. Hmm. Atrocious formatting. I think I'll take a minute to figure out a good way to phrase these for John. In the meantime, let's give him the few that are according to formula. 

>John: Pocket friend's note and examine deck of cards. 

John: *john puts away the note cards and pulls out the playing cards, riffling through them. given a choice between poker cards and tarot cards, the choice was pretty much obvious - any good magician worth his salt should be playing with cards that are more obviously magic. this deck can still be used for gambling of course, but unlike the poker deck, with its 4 suits of 13 cards each, a tarot deck comes with 4 suits of 14 cards and a trump suit of 21 cards. hopefully immediately ditching the former numerical scheme doesn't have any ramifications later, but it feels like a choice his best friend would approve of. she's always been into weird and spooky things like fortunetelling, which a reliable source tells him is what these cards are used for a lot, apparently. and the cards in the trump suit have fun cool names like the hanged man, the tower, and the world.* 

> John: Examine posters fondly. 

John: *john sets down the tarot deck on his window sill, setting down the cards he pulled face up, and turns to check out the handful of posters currently hanging on his walls. there's really only a few right now, but he'll keep collecting them as he goes. actually, he's not really sure these are all, strictly speaking, movies? some of them are more interactive, and he's heard that they might be called video games instead, but he's still catching up on the terminology. technologically advanced society sure is weird! john decides to focus on three. the names are written in the weird probably-magic text that pretty much everything is written in around here, so he doesn't bother to read them to himself, since while he can understand what they're supposed to say, the glyphs still give him a little bit of a headache whenever he reads them. the first of these is about an adventurous scholar apparently called an "archaeologist" who goes into ancient ruins, fights tyrannical bad guys from a faraway land, and uncovers that the true treasure was knowledge all along! if by knowledge you mean incomprehensible ramblings from ancient otherworldly beings that can make your head catch on fire, who ruled the world long ago! apparently this was the fourth in a series, and is widely regarded to be kind of ridiculous compared to the other three?*  
  
John: *the second one is probably a video game, actually. this one is about a survivor who lives in a wasteland long after a war in which two major nations fought each other pretty much into extinction with terrible weapons that are powerful enough to destroy cities; holy shit! it's pretty funny, if a little dark, and apparently adheres to a genre called "schlock sci-fi." you can do pretty much anything you want in this one, and john hasn't made it all the way through, but he's mostly been following the main storyline as a character with high luck and charisma stats, and not much else.*  
  
John: *this third one is animated instead of with live actors! you've been told that it's called a cartoon, or an anime. john is not sure which of them is right, but supposedly, it is made of many many drawings that are each replaced by another slightly different one in sequence to give the appearance of a moving picture. this is basically incomprehensible, so he doesn't question it. anyway, it's about this exile prince who has a curse put on him by an angry demon, so he has to go to a faraway land and seek the help of a forest god so that he doesn't die. in the process he meets a girl who is raised by wolves, a woman who is trying to rule the world with the help of powerful weapons called rifles, and they don't like each other. he has to learn to see with eyes unclouded by hate to resolve the conflict between them before the realm is consumed by ecological disaster. wow! this one... he actually doesn't like as much? he prefers the cornier ones, and this one is kind of sad and stressful to watch and a little gory! still A NEW FRIEND OF HIS FROM REQUISITION ASSURES HIM THAT THIS IS PRETTY MUCH OBJECTIVELY THE HIGHEST QUALITY OF CINEMA AVAILABLE IN SANCTUM, EVEN IF IT DOESN'T STRICTLY ADHERE TO HIS PERSONAL TASTES.* 

>John: Toss out that garbage circus MLM shit and meet your purply prosed friend  
>John: Your purple friend didn't want to see you before, but now she wants to? Fuck that, go meet the clown. 

John: *john... does have to admit, he's feeling a little hurt about their meeting earlier! he was really looking forward to catching up with her since the past couple weeks have been pretty tumultuous, and then she swore up and down that she didn't know him to her new fancy friends at the hub, the epic complex of government buildings near the center of the world island before planting this note card on him, whispering him a few cryptic words about a curse of dubious reality, and then shooing him.* 

In theory, everyone in the city is supposed to collect some a basic income from the government, but John has been having a pretty hard time getting a hold of his. According to the aforementioned friend in requisitions, this happens a lot; inhabitants of the rim often end up living a hardscrabble life because the money disappears into the pocket of some corrupt bureaucrat even though rimdwellers are the ones it's supposed to help out the most. Attempting to get this situation sorted out took John to the Hub over the course a long high speed train ride, facilitating his happenstance meeting with his best friend. 

John: *still, john isn't going to let one bad experience color his perception of a friend too badly! he's sure she has her reasons. and the best way to find them out is probably to go see her.* 

There is still the matter of the clown.

John: *right. the clown can wait, but john would feel bad about throwing away the invitation to some kind of mysterious get together, even if it is from a complete stranger! he makes up his mind, pockets both note cards again, and steps out his front door.*

John steps outside into a dizzyingly agoraphobic space. Heaven spans out above him, and behind him, and ahead of him, and below him as he turns to face the stacks of the city, turning his back to the infinite sky behind him. He's got to watch his step here on the rim, where jetties have been built to hang out over the infinite nothing below the world-island of Sanctum. He has to watch his step here, or he could fall for a very long time. The buildings ahead of him get taller as they get further away toward the Hub, where the gargantuan spires host innumerable government offices and huge tenement stacks house tens of thousands in cramped spaces so they can work in high paying jobs near the city center. The city has an aesthetic that might be best described as somewhere between gothic and art deco, not that John knows what either of those things is.  
  
Beneath the disc of the world-island, a honeycomb of catwalks and stalactite-like buildings jut downward in a way that makes the city's underside look like a smudgy reflection of its topside. Everyone who lives here on the rim is either a new arrival, or someone who will probably spend the rest of their life trying to scrape together enough to live a comfortable life doing the most basic labor the city needs to have done - and there is always work to do. The wind from beyond the edge whips past John as he starts heading into the city proper, chilling him to the bone and making his bandana flutter around. It produces a long, lone, low chord as it makes the metal struts beneath him shudder. It's the note that Regret plays to make the heart of its audience ache and set the hair on the back of their neck to stand on end and wonder what might have otherwise been.  
  
John has a feeling that it's going to be a long day. 

==>

John: *john gets out of the jetties, and into the city proper where he's less likely to fall into infinite negative sky and then breathes a sigh of relief as he finds a spot to sit down nearby and reread the instructions on the note card.*  
  
John. We can't spend much time together out in the open like this. Too many spectators. Meet me at 311 Bleeker Street, Laurelville, Clover Ward, Spoke 2, four days from now. I'll explain everything then. Tell the Bellman that you want to see the Seer. Don't  


Unfortunately, the rest of the message has smudged in your pocket.

John: oh god damn it. don't do what? *john pockets it, and repeats the address to himself to make sure he doesn't forget it if it accidentally gets smudged too, and heads for the nearest mass transit station. the city's got pretty good public infrastructure at least, and you can cheaply get from pretty much anywhere to anywhere else by bullet train within like, a few hours! fortunately, it looks like her address is not hours away at all, and is more like 45 minutes away. he gets a set of tickets from the ticketmaster, and hops on board. 

John spends the next long while in the cramped company of hundreds of others headed into the city for various reasons. As he heads further in, nearby skyscrapers get taller on average, and advertisements grow more frequent - local ward administrators often selling airspace, and local property owners often selling facade space to various corporate interests. The train passes through open spaces between buildings, and he has to embark and disembark multiple times to get where he's going, each train having fewer occupants than the last. At last, with only a few fellow travellers, he arrives at his destination.

LAURELVILLE  
==Arco-Arcadian Upper Class Community==

The architecture here is full of white marble and brownstone, and terraces that support delicate green plantlife, with a large rectangular garden pond dominating the central space. Building design is balanced to create wide open spaces overhead, letting sunlight stream in much more effectively than it does in other parts of the city. The residential sections of Laurelville appear to have what are much more appropriately described as houses and condos compared to your shack.  
The main thoroughfare is dominated by bourgie shops with a big greengrocer and a big bank sitting at the head of the boulevard across from each other. Bleeker street is an avenue off the main boulevard, containing some more niche shops, and John soon finds himself standing before the door to 311. It is a two story structure, and appears to be a shop of some kind - the front window is full of arcane odds and ends of all descriptions. Shrunken heads, jars full of eyeballs, leatherbound tomes, the works. This is a magic shop. For real magic, not prestidigitation. A sign written in Universal Syllabary, the aforementioned quasi-magical script, declares the store to be open.

John: *john steps inside, and looks around through the dusty building, looking over his head as a bell rings.* 

There are rows of shelves inside the building, stocked with more and more mystic and occult supplies and tools, along with display cases showing off some of the more impressive wares. Behind the counter, a featureless white automaton - a homonculus, John recalls - stoically mans the register, while another tidies. It was hardly thronging or bustling outside, but it's still considerably more quiet here in this dusty store. 

John: ah, jeez. i don't even know if these guys are going to understand me, but here goes. hey bellman! um... i'm trying to see the seer?

Luckily, it appears they do. The homonculus behind the register immediately responds, coming out from behind it, and moving toward a door along the back wall, beckoning silently.

John: *john follows him to wherever he leads.* 

The homonculus, who John supposes must be The Bellman, leads John through the door, and up a flight of stairs. Opening the door at the top of the stairs, he beckons John into a room where his friend - a blonde haired young lady currently clad in wizardly attire and a purple headband - is presently looking out the large circular window of an attic room with a roaring fireplace, a pair of cozy chairs, and a coffee table upon which tea is set.

>Young Lady: Introduce Yourself

If you're invested in this work at all, you certainly know who this is already. Easing you into the stylistic changes from what is to you the source material, will, I hope, make you comfortable. And I'd hate to make you uncomfortable. But from here on out, we'll skip introductions between characters who already know each other. Really, let's get into the business of skipping introductions altogether, shall we? Helps preserve a little more mystery.

John: rose! *john runs over and is about to embrace her in a hug, but he stops short, looking at her inquisitively.* rose, is everything alright? what is going on! i mean, everything is obviously not alright, we've been shanghaied! or something like that. but what are you up to that you couldn't say hi to a pal at the drop of a hat! and what's this about us being somehow less than real! you have some explaining to do, i think.  
Rose: It's nice to see you too, John. *She crosses her arms, and looks John up and down, smiling weakly and sighing in relief. He's alright. Or he looks alright. * And yes that's fair. I can concede to owing you an explanation.  
John: and can you give it to me in the most fanciful, elaborate, and confusing way possible? as much as i want to understand what's going on, i could really use some good old fashioned rose right now!  
Rose: *She smirks.* As long as I can count on you to tease me mercilessly, I suppose I could arrange for an explanation full of overly wrought and multisyllabic verbiage.  
John: hehe. :) - I missed you Rose. First thing's first. How come you blew me off the other day?  
Rose That's a complicated question to answer. Mind if we sit down while I do? I made tea. It's this incredible drink I've discovered.  
John: sure, alright. *he sits with her in front of the fire, getting comfortable. wow. these chairs are super nice.*  
Rose *She pours the tea, and hands him his, before taking her seat, and taking a drink. She sighs and gives a pleased shiver. Then, she rubs the bridge of her nose wearily.* Where to begin?  
John: well, how about i ask a different question that i bet will help you answer the first one, rose? how did you end up running this fancy store? which i guess is probably what you're doing?  
Rose: You're right, that is an easier question to answer. I've made a powerful new friend. He's a man named Nicolas Caledonius. He's one of the Realm Lords.

>Realm Lords?

John: realm lords? oh right! they're those powerful wizard guys who run the city, right?  
Rose: Sorcerers, actually. There is a difference but it's not terribly important right now. And yes. They're a collection of around two hundred and fifty powerful sorcerers who collectively form the parliament that governs the city. *She sips her tea, waiting for him to ask another question before she continues.* Lord Caledonius has taken a personal interest in our lives for reasons of his own - and he's keenly interested in our problem. And by problem, I don't mean our abduction by pirates.  
John: and that's that we're not real, right?  
Rose: Exactly right. And it isn't just you and me. Everyone we know and the entire world we come from are less real than the rest of the universe, John. Somehow, we've been made... phantasmal. Ephemeral. Ethereal. Maybe even fictional? We've not quite been erased, but we don't quite exist, either.  
John: oh man! so we're like... ghosts or something?  
Rose: Yes John. We are exactly like ghosts or something.  
John: oh man! that seems kind of bad! but... do we at least get cool ghost powers out of it or something?  
Rose: They're less powers, and more like... ignorance. There are forces and divinities that govern reality, and we can pass beneath their notice. They're not the only ones whose notice we can pass beneath.  
John: i guess that'd explain why i can't get the stupid government to pay me. hey did you know that they give people free money here, just for being alive?! at least when the system works, i guess.  
Rose: Yes, I'd figured that out. They do a lot of things like that around here, John.  
John: this whole not real thing... i guess probably explains some other things too! like why i never feel hungry if i eat even a little... or i guess, really tired at all? i mean, sometimes i still sleep or eat, but...  
Rose: Right. The food is more real than your insubstantial life force, so it fills you right up.  
John: but if i want to eat, i probably can? i just have to... pretend like i am not really eating and i won't fill up? that seems like how this should probably work.  
Rose: Feel free to experiment. We might as well enjoy the pros of our condition if we have to suffer the cons. Or well... we've already suffered the cons. But I'll explain that later.  
John: oh man, i know this whole not being as real as the rest of the universe is probably technically a bad thing, but this is going to be great, rose! think about the prank potential! normally, i am already kind of a trickster, but now... i'll be like a ghosty trickster! *john grins, holding up a closed fist ambitiously, then remembers he has tea and drinks some. wow that's hot!*

Something resonates as John says the phrase "ghosty trickster."

John: ...That was weird. Did you feel that?  
Rose: Yes. Certain things - words, phrases, sensations - seem to have that effect around us. I don't know why yet, but I'm going to find out.  
John: so let me see if i've got this right. you and this lord caledonius guy - who by the way sounds like exactly the kind of creepy uncle guy an aspiring sorceress such as yourself has to be careful of - are comin' up with all kinds of plans with his other high society sorcerer buddies to see if you can't undo this curse that's been put on us so we're not so ghostly anymore! and you can't hang around me in public because you've got the whole high society thing figured out, and i'm comparatively kind of bumpkiny. is that right?  
Rose: No. The reason that we can't hang around together in public is because when we're near each other, our auras amplify each other, and the negative energy produced agitates the Devae.

>Devae?

John: devae? that's not one that i know. what's a devae?  
Rose: A Deva is an Empyrean God of Order. Some of them live here in the city, and act as elite police.  
John: wait... are you telling me that in this city, gods work for sorcerers? that's totally backwards!  
Rose: The Devae don't work for the Realm Lords, no. The relationship is complicated, and we don't really have time to go over it right now. They are dedicated to upholding peace in the city, and when we and the other people from our world showed up here in the city, it caused a disruption - there's too much negative energy in the world now. And while our dubious realness masks us in part from their notice, the balance between disruption and occultation is still sufficient to get their fiery hackles up. They know we're here, they don't know exactly what could happen if we stay here for too long, and they don't like it.  
John: yikes! okay, so basically we're working with a powerful sorcerer to cure us of ghostliness without attracting too much attention from fiery law gods. this sounds like a quest, rose! is this a quest?  
Rose: Yes, it's a quest.  
John: *john jumps up with a woosh, floating slowly down instead of falling properly, to give his new abilities a try.* alright! holy shit! i didn't think i'd ever get to go on a quest! so... *he smoothes out his clothes as he lands.* what should i be doing?  
Rose: *Rose stifles a laugh as she watches him enthusiastically leap into the air, and gets up.* Good question. For now, work on rounding up the rest of our friends and relatives. My ally is something of a prognosticator, and he's teaching me the art. We're all wrapped up in whatever is going to happen next. An excellent place to start would be to go find Jane. A rival Realm Lord has involved herself in this whole affair, and he suspects she's going to make moves to disrupt what we're doing, starting with Jane. Lord Rescha Peixes.  
John: alright. then... i guess that's what i'm gonna do.  
Rose: And stay on the lookout for other people from our world as well. You'll be able to tell even if you've never met them before. As you've probably noticed from talking to me, we have a sort of... blurry outline. Like an indistinctness.  
John: oh one more thing, rose. are you sure we should trust this caledonius guy? he could very easily be trying to pull a fast one on us, and you are well known to have a weakness for knowledge and power.  
Rose: *She looks surprised, and a little amused.* That's uncharacteristically suspicious of you, John. But no, I don't know for sure. We're far from home, and we don't have a lot of options if we want to track each other down again. And I'm not about to spend the rest of my life hiding from Devae.  
John: alright. just be careful, alright rose?  
Rose: I promise. You too.  
John: *he shares a long smile with her, really relieved to be back in touch.* guess i should go.  
Rose: See you.

>John: Do something cool.

John: *john jumps, and doesn't come back down. might as well get a headstart on practicing cool ghost powers! he floats up through the roof, and hangs in the air. screw gravity! this is awesome. screw directions, too! maybe if he just thinks of somewhere he wants to go, he'll be able to get there without uh... describing the intervening steps he takes? that's probably how these ghost powers work. pchooooo!*

Where to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a suggestion for John in the comments!
> 
> As the story continues, we'll start to encounter characters who aren't quite original, but aren't quite Homestuck characters either - variations on characters who already exist in the source material but don't have a direct analogue. As you can probably guess, Rescha is one of these, and you've probably also noticed that Jane is John's sister here, instead of his ectomom. There'll be some other similar changes made throughout.


	3. Chapter 3

>John: Decelerate 

John: *while on the one hand, the past hour or so was kind of suspenseful, it was also pretty exciting on the other hand! maybe it's time to take a chance to take it a little slower. maybe it's time for john to do a little bit of investigating for himself, too.*  
John: *first of all, got to get out of this weird slipstream that he's entered. after taking off, john kind of lost track of his surroundings, and he finds himself flying through... well, maybe flying isn't the right word! maybe through isn't the right word either! this place is actually kind of hard to describe. almost like it's more of a non-place? more like... a transition, than a place? kind of like how the space right on a door's threshold isn't a room, or like stairs aren't one floor or another.*  
John: *argh! it's kind of hard to stop actually! he's tumbling right down all these nowhere stairs!*  
John: *alright, focus john. he doesn't know how this works exactly, but maybe if he just visualizes the right... landing...*

>John: Land Already 

John: *john tumbles out of nowhere, and into his own house, flopping forcefully down onto his bedroll.* oof.  
John: *john gets up, and dusts himself off. he takes a look around the room. unfortunately, his sudden arrival seems to have stirred up some kind of gust, causing the tarot cards to fly all over the place. it is an impromptu game of 78 card pick up.*  
John: *john sighs, and gets to work tidying the place up. soon, the cards are back away where they ought to be, and then pauses to look at the.*  
John: huh. feels kind of silly to be practicing all this hokey stage magic when magic was apparently real all along! and gods and sorcerers too.  
John: *john sits against the wall, and slowly slides down onto his butt, legs out in front of him. actually, a lot of other things are real besides gods and sorcerers and magic. things he never would have really even thought about could be real before! a ton of things don't work the way they seem to, too. the city's kind of complicated. as the wind rattles his shack around, he takes a deep breath.*  
John: okay. enough zoning out there's work to do, and rose is counting on me.  
John: actually, a lot of people might be counting on me.  


>John: Prepare your weaponry for possible shenanigans. 

John: *john doesn't have a weapon! there's always his trusty hammer, but that's not really much of a weapon. it's not actually even that trusty, come to think of it. he has barely had this hammer for more than a couple weeks, and he has no idea how long a fancy multitool like this will hold up during field use, much less if he were to try and fight someone with it.*  
John: *never mind that apparently, the enemies he's most likely to end up fighting right now are probably gods? yikes. as far as john has known for most of his life, gods are inscrutable, faraway beings that you hope will be nice to you instead of breathing down your neck and watching you sin. not that john is much of a sinner! he hopes.*  
John: *here though, they just walk around on the streets in broad daylight. he wonders what a god looks like, come to think of it? how would he even know if he ran into one?*  
John: *jade actually spends quite a lot of time up in her grandfather's tower, learning about gods and magic, but now it seems like all that might have been bogus?*  
John: *spent, he guesses. jade spent time in the tower. maybe later, he'll find jade and ask her more about gods and magic, and see if she can fill him in on the details. she might not know anything! but if anybody is likely to know about important stuff like that, it's her or rose, and he's already seen rose today!  
John: *but first, time to experiment with these ghost powers some more, and see if he can't get them to do something weird!*  


>John: Fly through the wall and see if you leave ectoplasm behind. 

John: *john does exactly that! floating ceilingways just a bit, he swims out the wall, wobbling a little as he pulls his way through it. his passing is less like floating through air, and more like going through water.*

The substance he has left behind is neither green, nor slime, as John might have expected, however. Instead, the substance he has left behind is a viscous dark liquid, that shimmers faintly with iridescent colors, quite like oil or ink. upon investigation, an identical stain is on the other side of the wall, inside the house.*

John: hehehe, gross. hm... and maybe a little alarming! John: *he pulls his head back through the wall, having poked it back inside to check out the inner wall, and stands up, looking around. john knows what he must do. the trickster's gambit practically demands that he slime someone.*

>John: Use ectoplasm to prank random passerby, and study its effects.

John:*oh, john is going to "study its effects" alright. its effects on hilarity! he floats off over the rooftops of the shanties looking down on the workyard below, and spots an especially fat manager on a snack break, who he did some work for last week. while john hardly dislikes the guy, he seems like a ripe target for a prank, especially as he lifts a handful of chips to his mustached lips. going into a dive, john yells like a falling man, and flails as he approaches.*  
John: waaaaaaugh!  


With a ripe splat, John passes through the man, making full body contact, before floating down into the ground. It sounds kind of like this:

*slimed!*

Then he floats down through the ground before coming to a halt, floating above the expanse of cloudless cerulean negative sky below.

John: woah!  
John: *john flails his limbs around, equilibrium thrown off, before he realizes that he isn't falling.*  
John: whew.  
John: *he floats back up through the ground, and pokes his head out to examine his handiwork from a short distance away.*  


The portly fellow has set down his ruined snack, covered from head to toe in muck, and is now flapping himself off in a disgruntled fashion, looking around in confusion for the source of his stickiness. His Trickster's Gambit plummets to an all time low.

John: hehehehehe. *he slowly sinks back down, enjoying his spoils, but not wanting to be spotted.*

Next to him, a droplet of the ink "drips" from the blot, floating slowly upward.

John: *he turns, watches it float upward next to his face, quizzically.*  
John: huh. note to self: ghost slime defies gravity. hmm... other note to self. come up with a better name for this stuff. ghost slime seems like it means something else already. and who knows! this stuff might already have a name!  


>John: Search for best bro. Now.

Believe me, he'd like nothing more, but he's already got his plate full with other obligations to keep right this second and is doing his best to stay on task. Instead, let's turn our focus to another one of our heroes. She's already looking for the best bro in question.

>John: Alright, be the girl.

John can't be the girl. He can only be John. Only the girl can be the girl. Only Roxy can be the girl. As it turns out, Roxy has had a more interesting week than John. Actually, Roxy's week has been so interesting that right now, she cannot properly be called the girl at all.

>Roxy: Be the boy.

Roxy is now the boy. And has been all day, actually. Yesterday, she was a girl. The day before that, a boy. Today she (he?) is a boy again. What's her(his?) deal? Let's find out.

>Roxy: Remember what you just learned.

Roxy had a morning pretty similar to John's. He even had a pretty similar conversation with Rose, in which he learned a bunch of stuff that I already told you.  
  
It started kind of like this:

Roxy: rose!!!!

and ended kind of like this:

Rose: They know we're here, they don't know exactly what could happen if we stay here for too long, and they don't like it.

But in other places, it wasn't quite the same. For starters, part of it went a little bit more like this:

Roxy: *roxy adjusts himself, tryin n mostly failin 2 get comfortable as he sits across the room from rose. he's still getting used to the body shape he's dealin with every other day.* spkn of ghost wizards... i have..... _questions_ 4 u about a curse.  
Rose: Ahem. Yes, right.  
Rose: I had been trying not to let my curiosity get the better of me but if you're the one addressing the elephant in the room...  
Roxy: aw, cmon rose :3 - s'not _that_ big!  
Rose: *Rose puts up a hand to stop her, scrunching her eyes and her face, and shakes her head.* Roxy, gross.  
Rose: *She still can't help but grimace, giving a way a little bit of humor.* But also, I had that coming.  
Rose: Unfortunately, as much as I like to give the impression that I'm all-knowing  
Roxy: whats up with that goofy new title, by the way?  
Rose: I'm still learning like everyone else. Also, what, "The Seer?"  
Roxy: yeh! that is kiiiiiiinda supercilious =u=  
Rose: I didn't pick it out myself. It's a "motif." Like a palm-reading. The Sorcerer did.  
Roxy: u mean lord whatshisname  
Rose: Caledonius.  
Roxy: so he got the whole situation locked down tight af, is that whats goin on? we all got mythy titles an shit?  
Rose: We do. Although he says he's not entirely sure who's who until he meets us, he has a... prophecy, I suppose you could say.  
Roxy: _cough cough creepy uncle_  
Rose: ...  
Roxy: just sayin. neway, whats mine? *roxy blows on his tea, and stirrs it, sipping and watching it.  
Rose: You're the Rogue.  
Roxy: =m=... kewl.  
Roxy:so you got no ideas about who coulda cursed me? okay i keep callin her a ghost wizard, but im pretty sure she was actually a goddess??? i dont really know why i know that, but i guess i do.

He proceeded to describe the goddess who cursed him to Rose. A woman, 10 feet tall, with long and curly black hair, skin like bronze, eyes the same cerulean color as the sky, and a horned crown limned with stars. They had a brushup two days ago, and after a bit of brief banter, the goddess put what was definitely a curse on him.

Roxy: and since then, ive pretty much been wakin up a different gender every time i go to sleep. and lemme tell you somn rosey. It's actually... kinda fun?  
Rose: It is?  
Rose: Oh what am I saying, of course you think the curse is fun.  
Roxy: it has its downsides! like for example, when im a boy, i grow like prickly stubble and have to shave the next morning. and learnin to shave was not fun.  
Rose: You should keep it. You can run off to the circus and make some money as a bearded lady in the freak show.  
Roxy: yesssss. joining the circus is def a goal, even though i didnt know what a circus was until like less than half a month ago.  
Roxy: oh yeah. theres the other thing which is that im horny pretty much all the time and kind of dazed and confused, and while being extra horny is definitely a pro... it is also kinda exhausting.  
Rose: *Rose smirks.* And you being extra horny is different from normal... how?  
Roxy: >:P  
Rose: Heh. Sorry, that was mean.  
Roxy: so liek... do u think she was hitting on me or somn?  
Rose: And cursed you...  
Roxy: to get me thinkin about her to try and break the curse, and also wantin to chase her cause of the aforementioned horny.  
Rose: That's certainly a thing you just speculated. But I wouldn't put it past her.  
Rose: She sounds like an Asura - a Wish God from the Dreaming Realm. More than that, I can't help you track her down right now. As I'm quickly finding out, there are a lot of gods in the universe. And just in this city.  
Rose: But I'll do some research, and we'll see if we can't track her down together. At the very least, she'll probably have terms for you to break this curse.  
Roxy: kewl. and maybe... maybe we don't even have to break the curse! but at least make it more managable. neways... im thinkin that i need to probably vamoose b4 too long, or else the other kind of god u mentioned is gonna start sniffing us out.  
Rose: Devae, yes.  
Roxy: then... im gon 2 go see if i cant find more of our peeps.  
Rose: One more thing.  
Roxy: :?  
Rose: I know your instinct is not to trust Caledonius, but I've got... an inexplicably good feeling about this relationship. He's mysterious, but I don't think malignant. I guess I don't trust him either but... maybe you should meet him. *She pulls a note card out of her wizard robe.* He gave me these. If you want to meet him, and get acquainted... I wouldn't advise you against it. I get the impression he'll want an audience with you eventually.  
Roxy: whys that?  
Rose: Just an impression.  
Roxy: ok v well. *he takes it, gives it a quick look, and pockets it, then leans back, giving rose his best skeptical look.* but consider me hella suspish.  
Rose: Deliriously chary.  
Roxy: MAD iffy.  
Rose: ...  
Roxy: ... =u=  
Rose: In that case, good luck.  
Roxy: see ya l8rs, sis :)  
Rose: See you around... bro? *Rose shoots him a quizzical eyebrow.*  
Roxy: yeh! :D bro is good. at least when i look like this. im tryin out what makes me feel comfy :3 *Roxy pats down his more angular body in an exploratory fashion.* well see what hapenz. in the meantime... peace. 

Which brings us a little closer to the part where Roxy is looking for Dave specifically. What will he do next?


	4. Chapter 4

>Roxy: Peruse for some sick graffiti of the Strider kind. 

Roxy floats idly over the roof or Rose's shop, not far in the past compared to when John will have arrived here, slowly rotating around without the confines of gravity to keep him correctly oriented. Dave is certain to have left art of some kind. More importantly, like Roxy, he'll almost certainly have a predisposition toward the illegal. Ever since the Strider Patriarch - and the Lalonde Matriarch, by unlucky coincidence - passed away a few years back, the boys, Roxy and Rose have all been making a little extra on the side from activities that skirt the laws of the Big Island. It doesn't help that Clan Crocker's rule has not always been kind to the poor on the outlying islands. Since arriving here, Roxy has been supplementing his/her income with activities that are not, strictly speaking, legal. It puts bread on the table when the Realm Lords and their numerous bureaucratic henchmen aren't quite up to the task.  
  
Actually back on the first subject, all three of Roxy's closest kinfolk are more of the artistic bent. Rose writes journals and stories, and secretly (she thinks) tarries away at the writing of galdors, arcane songs meant to charm and enchant. Dirk draws in his limited spare time and writes elaborate plays about fanciful subjects.  
  
Roxy has always been a little more intrigued and fascinated by worldken and the natural philosophies than by artistic expression and ethical discussions and while it can tend to leave him feeling a little bit left out of the conversation when gabbing with his kin, it's an important pursuit. Dirk is even something of a tinkerer, but has never gotten so much into the theory. Sometimes Roxy really wishes someone other than Jade was more into it. Shame he doesn't get to see much of Jade.  
  
_Nobody_ got to see much of Jade for the last few years, after she went to apprentice with her grandfather in the tall ivory tower on the big island. Attempting to make the visit to see her up the tall mountain trail, one tended more often than not to be set upon and chased away by Jade's Grandfather's huge terrifying white dog. 

Roxy: man  
Roxy: why am i thinkin about all this depressing stuff?  
Roxy: this city is so lively and cool, ive got nifty ghost wizard powers, a quest to try and help with, and mayhem 2 try and cause  
Roxy: come on rox  
Roxy: think dave thoughts  
Roxy: *roxy shuts his ears with both hands and makes an agreement with himself not to think so much about depressing bullshit like that before shutting his eyes too. what kind of goofy thing would dave draw?*  
Roxy: *he thinks about the things that dave likes. dave likes flyting, making rude jokes, collecting dead things, drawings of animal people... hmm... thats a thing dave _and_ jade like...*  
Roxy: *roxy bets thats a good lead. now to just zero in on thoughts of animal people and illegal drawings. thats sure to help her narrow his search parameters. after all. how much illegal animal people art can there be in the world?*  
Roxy: *he focuses, and gets ready to try his hand at heading down the abyssal stairs.*  
Roxy: *rose mentioned something called that while they were talkin about ghost wizards and curses, as a quick way to get around.*  
Roxy: *questions n follow up questions are useful, but he refused to have it explained to him what an abyssal stair is or why they're useful for getting around, cuz tbh, he has to find out for himself. he has 2 experience the wonder of falling down a bunch of goddamn stairs all day to get around firsthand.*  
Roxy: *he keeps his eyes shut, and lowers himself down onto the apex of roses roof, standing on the edge, before stepping downward, and letting himself tumble down into nothing.* 

With that, Roxy slips out of normal reality, and into the same, non-place slipstream that John will find himself in a short while, but for Roxy, it takes another form. It takes the form of a dark corridor, filled with a long, never-ending cascade of monochrome steps, outlined in white.

Roxy: XD  
Roxy: oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof 

  


It keeps happening. 

>Roxy: Land Already 

Roxy: *while this is hilarious and dumb, its kind of draining 2 keep up, and roxy searches for a landing. focusing hard on his search parameters, he opens his eyes, and comes back to reality. oof. there goes gravity.

Roxy lands under a bridge in what appears to be a rainy urban center, right along a riverside. Or a canal at any rate. There are no proper rivers in the City, only canals which have sometimes used the existing infrastructure already present in the world-island's geography as a framework. It flows slowly along next to him, some cargo vessels visible floating down it and carrying their loads deeper into the city from the rim. Visible on the opposite edge of the river is what appears to be a hill, another sign of the city's meager use of existing geography. Other bridges of various makes span the river, and Roxy can hear thronging crowds overhead, going this way and that between the banks. One of the city's lower speed trolley-cars rumbles by overhead.  
  
It's too dark to see much underneath the bridge. 

Roxy: *roxy stands there for a minute, takin in the smells. its kind of an earthy metal smell which he guesses is probably rust from context clues. theres also the bad smokey smell thats in some industrial parts of the city. but theres also smth else here.*  
Roxy: *it reminds him of smells back home, like campfire and animal smells. he stands there reminiscing in the rain for a minute, slowly looking along the bank of the river. he pulls his pink standard-issue scarf tight, shivering a little in the cool, damp air, and breathing it in.*  
Roxy: dave! dude? you around here?  
Roxy: *his voice is amplified by the cavernous concrete ceiling overhead n it reverbrates around* 

Lightning flashes, and illuminates the space under the bridge for a fraction of a second. All along the underside of the bridge is a sprawling mural, and while it's crude, it's not Dave crude. For the moment Roxy catches a glimpse of it, he sees a whirlpool of pastel colors, made indistinct by the strange shadows made by the lightning illuminating the lapping water of the river at the base of the slanting concrete under the river. At the base, he sees a collection of junk and boxes that might be a dwelling of some kind.

Roxy: o.o  
Roxy: *roxy holds his breath a min, startlin a little as thunder booms in the background*  
Roxy: *he tries to calm down but still feels rly tense like maybe he shouldnt be here?*  
Roxy: *he focuses his senses, and gazes at the wall.*  
Roxy: *ghosts can see in the dark, right?* 

Slowly, the underside of the bridge comes into focus. Yes, it seems like ghosts _can_ see in the dark. All along the far wall is a mural made up of more than a dozen individual vignettes, making a tapestry. They all seem to feature at least one creature who is part-human, part-animal. Prominently, a catlike creature that Roxy guesses is probably a girl from the way it's shaped, but it's all somewhat crude. It seems to portray snapshots of what can only be called adventures. They're sort of whimsical. The pile of junk at the foot of the bridge indeed appears to be a dwelling of some kind - a little tent made of boxes, blankets, and other bits and bobs, with a small portable cooking stove in the center, and a sleeping bag along off to one side. All about are open cans of paint, caked in long-dried rivulets of different colors. No one is around, but Roxy cannot shake the feeling of being watched. 

Roxy: *roxy slowly drinks it all in, mouth hangin open a lil*  
Roxy: *theres smth about this place that is super cool but also kinda sad*  
Roxy: *anyway this feels like a home invasion which is one of the not fun kinds of crime*  
Roxy: *after a minut, he cant stop lookin over his shoulder so he books it out of there, before disappearin down the stairs*  


Let's see what John's up to.  
  
Minutes in the future, but not many...

>John: Take some adventuring initiative and seek out the clown.

John: *still hovering in the middle of the ground like a goofy video game model who has clipped into the level geometry, john floats up and looks around, going over his mental checklist. of all the things he wants/needs to do today, he should probably work on taking care of them in the order that he got them. as much as he wants to go see his sister, or his good bro dave, investigating mysterious circus people seems like a good distraction from all this heavy stuff, and a good way to practice using ghost transportation some more.*  
John: *anyway, if he starts doing stuff out of order, he's probably going to lose track of his sidequests, which is a great way to suddenly have like a zillion undealt with obligations to deal with.  
John: *he slips the note card out of his pocket, and takes note of the instructions on it. this _should_ take him back to the same circus he visited the other day.  
John: *but first, he sets down, and then walks back over to his house, looking over his shoulder in case he accidentally attracts the attention of the fat foreman again.  
John: *luckily, nowhere in sight.*  
John: *he heads into the house, and grabs up a pot from his kitchen, before running back to the spot where he slimed the ground, and cleans up the spot there. he can keep this sample for later experimentation.*  
John: *another quick trip back to his house to drop it off on top of the stove, and he's ready to go see a clown about a mysterious matter.* 

He takes the abyssal stairs, though he does not know them by that name, thinking of the circus and circus performers, distracted only momentarily by thoughts of other things jokers make him think of. After a moment, he emerges at ground level. The central circus tent is surrounded by numerous others, and sounds of the performers going about their daily business. It's a different experience to see it in the early morning, without any kind of festivity going on. He did not attend the show at the time he went to visit and look around. 

John: *john heads into the little tent town, and starts looking around, watching the performers go about their daily business. there's playing of musical instruments, acrobats working out and practicing stunts, clowns chatting to each other off to one side in their grimsical makeup. normally, john wouldn't tend to think of clowns as being especially macabre, at least not intrinsically.*  
John: *they're kind of creepy alright, but these ones are a little different - their facepaint more recalls monsters, demons, and skeletons. yet they're still kind of goofy looking. sinister and silly all at once.*  
John: *following the instructions given him in the scrawled handwriting, he buys pink cotton candy from a vendor who is hawking various sweets and savories in spite of the small number of customers at this time of day - just a handful of people buying tickets.*  
John: *come to think of it, it's kind of a weird circus. oh well.*

John's tangent is interrupted suddenly as he munches on the pink cotton candy, by a series of honks. One by one, they resound, as they get closer. HONK honk HONK honk HONK. Like footsteps.  
  
Slowly out of the little crowds of performers, emerges a tall, tall figure, lean to the point of lankiness, dressed in baggy clothing, the macabre paint worn by the circus clowns, and the biggest, fuzziest, unruliest head of hair John has ever seen in his life. He slowly makes his way up to John until he stands over him, looking down from a full head and a half taller. And then, in a gravelly lilting tenor, he asks:

Gamzee: WhAt AlL hApPeNs To Be ThE hApS uP iN tHiS bItCh mY gOoD mOtHeRfUcKeR?


	5. Chapter 5

>John: Hesitantly answer while looking for a way to escape. 

John: *while john's not ready to _escape_ just yet, this clown guy is definitely an affront to the senses.  
John: *the big guy is kind of pungent with an earthy herbal smell that john isn't familiar with, and makes his nose scrunch; and while john's hardly a man of class and refinement, the cussing is a bit much - he hardly knows this guy.*  
John: *he decides to play it cool though.*  
John: oh uh... it's going ok i guess.  
John: *he takes a second to back up so the two of them aren't inside each others' personal space bubbles, and takes a second to size the huge clown up.*  
John: wow... are you the guy who planted this note card on me?  
John: *slowly, john feels less offended and more impressed as he thinks about that. his face softens a little, and his eyebrows go up*  
John: you're a big guy, how'd you manage to sneak by me like that? i don't think i even saw you when i was here the other day.  
Gamzee: A nInJa GoTs To Be KeEpIn HiS oWn SeCrEtS lIl BrOtHeR. :o)  
Gamzee: SpIlL tOo MuCh AnD tHe MiRaClEs AlL jUsT rUnS oUt OnTo ThE fLoOr, Ya DiG?  
John: oh... i think i got it.  
John: *john taps the side of his nose, still a little wary of the clown, but doing his best to find some common ground.*  
John: so... you're saying secret clown stuff you can't tell me. kind of like how a good magician never reveals his secret, right?  
Gamzee: ShIt YeAh, I tHiNk I kNoW wHaT yOu'Re GeTtIn Up At, AnD tHaT nOiSe Is ExAcTlY tHe SoUnD i'M mAkIn'.  
Gamzee: PrEtTy QuIcK oN tHe UpTaKe, My DuDe.  
Gamzee: AnYwAy, YoU pRoBaBlY wAs NoT cOmIn' HeRe, ExPeCtInG aLl To TrAdE iN tHe SeCrEtS oF pErFoRmAnCe, BuT i AiN't CoMpLaInIn' AbOuT fInDiN' aNoThEr MoThErFuCkEr WhO fAnCiEs ThE wIcKeD aNd SuBtLe ArTs WhAt'S fOr MaKiN' bRoThErS aNd SiStErS gEt ThEiR cHuCkLe On.  
John: sooo... if you _didn't_ call me here to talk about clown stuff or induct me into the circus or something... why did you go to all the trouble of reverse pickpocketing me?  
Gamzee: JuSt CoUlDn'T hElP bUt NoTiCe, WhEn YoU dRoPpEd By FoR a CoUpLe TiCkS  
Gamzee: YoUr MoSt UnPlEaSaNt SiTuAtIoN, wHiCh I wAs HoPiNg I mIgHt HeLp A bRoThEr OuT wItH.  
Gamzee: ThAt'S a PrEtTy NaStY wHaMmY yOu GoT tHeRe, BrOtHeR.  
John: *john's eyebrows shoot right up, arching a little bit, and he gets ready to jump down the abyssal stairs if he feels like his cover is blown or... something like that!*  
John: oh man! are you talking about the ghosty thing?  
John: you're not going to tell the devas about it or something, are you?  
Gamzee: HoNk HoNk HoNk HoNk... :oD... HoOoOoOnK.  
Gamzee: *He HoNkS oUt A bIg BrAsHrAuCoUs LaUgH wHaT cOmEs OuT lIkE a ClOwN's HoNkS iF tHeY wAs MaDe WiTh LuNgS iNsTeAd Of HoNk HoRnS.*  
Gamzee: NaAaAh, DaWg, NaAaAh. My RiGhTeOuS bRoThEr, WhAt HaS tHe CaRnIvAl Of MoCkErS gOtS tO dO wItH aLl GrIm AnD mIrThLeSs StAr GoDs?  
Gamzee: NoT a MoThAfUcKiN' tHiNg Is WhAt!  
Gamzee: We CoOl WiTh YoU, lIl BiTcH :o)  
John: *john is thrown by the sudden bellowing belly laugh, looking around to see that no one in the crowd seems at all bothered by his new acquaintance's rowdiness, but is starting to relax. the big guy's good humor is kind of infectious, even if it is a little hard to ignore the weird way that he seems deadset on saying things.  
John: *and even if his weird macabre clown paint and darkly colored get up make him kind of threatening.*  
John: *okay, it's probably going to be a little hard to ever relax completely around this guy, but like Rose was saying about her new realm lord friend, they can probably use all the help they can get!*  
John: okay, cool. glad to hear you're a friend then, big guy.  
John: and uh, it's nice to meet you!  
John: what's your name, anyway?  
Gamzee: I'lL gIvE yOu MiNe, If YoU tElL mE wHaT's YoUrS :o)  
John: fair enough.  
John: i'm john.  
Gamzee: YoU cAn CaLl Me GaMzEe  
Gamzee: NeW fRiEnD :o)  
Gamzee: *He OfFeRs HiS fIsT fOr A bRo BuMp.*  
John: *still unfamiliar with all the customs of this strange new world, he takes a second to bump back.* it is nice to meet you then, gamzee.  
John: hehe. you're a pretty crazy guy so far.  
Gamzee: LeT's Go FoR a WaLk, JoHn, My DuDe. 

>Gamzee: Crack into the wicked elixir. 

Gamzee and John walk through the little tent town, through what John now guesses are more properly Carnies rather than Circus Folk, what with Gamzee referring to the collection of garish tents and their various inhabitants as a Carnival rather than a Circus. John is not entirely sure what the difference is between the two actually, having been only recently introduced to either term - jugglers, bards, and entertainers are a thing back home, but not big troupes like these. He's not even sure he'd really be able to tell the difference even if he had it explained to him.  
  
The atmosphere of the Carnival here during the morning, while there's no performance going on, and not even all of the performance artists are practicing their crafts, becomes a little more relaxing. Maybe not relaxing, but there's at least no sense of genuine imminent danger as he has begun to become inured to the menace of the makeup they wear, and their relaxed and playful manner is almost bohemian - even if the modifier bohemian has no meaning either to John, or to anyone else on the world-island. But it is meaningful to us.  
  
Why do they wear that stuff even while the show isn't on, he wonders? Maybe a question for another time. He doesn't want to get too distracted from the matter at hand, even though he's not really sure what the matter at hand is. The big clown leads him toward a collection of trailers - some clearly meant for habitation, others for storage and transportation - and reaches down into his pants pocket, rummaging around with what sounds like a ludicrous amount of junk for several long seconds before producing a key ring. He flips through them, jingling them as he looks for the right one, and unlocks the trailer, stepping inside. John follows him in. 

Gamzee: *GaMzEe HeAdS iN, mEaNdErInG tHrOuGh ThE cLuTtErEd InTeRiOr Of ThE tRaIlEr, WhIcH iS dImLy LiT aNd SmElLs EvEn SpIcIeR tHaN tHe BiG cLoWn DoEs FoR tHe SaMe GoOd HeRb.*  
Gamzee: *He WaNdErS hIs GoOd SeLf OvEr To ThE cHeSt Of WhImSy, WhAt PlEbS cAlLs A rEfRiDgErAtOr, AnD cOmEs BaCk OuT wItH tWo BoTtLeS oF tHe RuDe ElIxIr In ToW.*  
Gamzee: *WiTh A qUiCk FlIcK oF hIs WrIsT hE sNaPs InTo BoTh BoTtLeS aNd PaSsEs OnE tO jOhN, fLoPpInG dOwN iN a BiG fLoOr PoOf, AnD mAkEs A hAnD mOtIoN fOr JoHn To Do ThE sAmE.*  
John: *john regards the beverage skeptically. it's a really bright color, and though he hasn't been here long, he's still savvy enough to be able to tell that this is cheap. still he's not about to jilt this clown's way rude hospitality by refusing the drink!*  
John: *he takes a sip and...*  
John: _whew!_ *John shivers, surprised by how sweet and flavorful it is. It pops and crackles in his mouth, a little like beer, but nowhere near as bitter. one thing that is never going to get old about this place is how much food and drink there is practically everywhere, and how good it is. after getting accustomed to the intense sweetness of the drink, he takes another swig.*  
John: what is this stuff?  
Gamzee: JuSt SoMe WiCkEd GoOd SoDa PoP wE kEeP sToCkEd Up ArOuNd ThE pLaCe BrOtHeR. iT's ThE fInE eLiXiR, wHaT gEtS a GoOd BuZz On. ThOuGhT iT bE nIcE tO sHoW a MoThErFuCkEr SoMe HoSpItAlItY bEfOrE aNd AfTeR bEiNg AlL a MyStErIoUs AnD rAsCaLlY cLoWn, Ya FeEl Me?  
Gamzee: GoT tO mAkE a BrOtHeR fEeL wElCoMe In ThE hOuSe Of ThE fInE aBsUrDiTy.  
Gamzee: AnD sPeAkIn' Of AfTeR, oNcE i FiNiSh OfF tHiS eLiXiR, i GoTtA bE rIgHt BaCk. ThE rInGmAsTeR wHaT kEePs AlL tHeSe RoWdY mOtHaFuCkAs In ShApE tO bE cAvOrTiN' aRoUnD aFtEr DaRk Is ThE oNe YoU wAnT tO sPeAk To, AnD i'Ll Go LeT hIm KnOw YoU'rE aRoUnD wHeNeVeR hE's ReAdY tO gEt HiS pOwWoW oN.  
John: *john pulls his mouth into a polite expression of forbearance, slowly starting to get the feeling that he might have stumbled into something weirder than just a plain old carnival that just happens to be full of spooky clowns.* 

>Roxy: Search for locations in the city that radiate Dave-like energy. 

Meanwhile, Roxy is back on the rooftops, not far from the mysterious bridge cave he discovered minutes ago, thinking about Dave and the outdoors, the smells of the cave having sparked fond childhood memories. Dave's not exactly what one would call an adept outdoorsman - actually he kind of sucked at it until he more or less had to bone up in order to help make ends meet a few?... years ago? Three? Five? For some reason neither of those figures seems right, but Roxy can't quite place his finger on why (it's not four, either.) He shakes his head and tries not to lose track of the Dave energies he's trying to focus on. 

Roxy: *roxy sits on some old roof - a flat 1 thats probably for one of the apartment/tenement buildings instead of like a regular house or smn*  
Roxy: *kinda lets the rain fall through him.*  
Roxy: *instead of splishin n splashin on him, they just kinda fall through the roof.*  
Roxy: holy fuck!  
Roxy: this sucks. why cant i stop feeling weirdly sad?!  
Roxy: *roxy shakes his face around, flapping his lips all playfully and making a noise that goes kinda like this:*  
Roxy: wububububububu  
Roxy: somn about today just feels weird and bad, i gotta snap outta it.  
Roxy: *roxy thinks dave thoughts, trying to think about what kinda shenanigans dave would be up to in the city.*  
Roxy: *he suddenly has a sneaky idea.*  
Roxy: *daves super smart, and if hes doing anything right now in the city, its probably not goofing off and making graffiti for nothin.*  
Roxy: *daves probably rakin in phat loot running some kind of grift like a shell game or somn.* Roxy: *thinkin davethink, roxy rolls forward off the roof and plummets down some more stairs.* 

>Roxy: Catch a lucky break. 

Thump! Is the noise Roxy makes as he appears out of thin air with a raucous bang a lot like a balloon suddenly being inflated to capacity and then exploding. The racket startles the occupant of the nicely-lit, cramped little room that Roxy appears in, causing him to literally jump a foot in the air off the bed he's currently lounging on as though he is made of springs, and then fall to the floor along with a pile of books and papers. 

Dave: fuck  
Dave: ow  
Dave: *dave scrambles to his feet out of the book pile in the blink of an eye, and somehow grabs a shitty looking sword. or well its kind of awesome by the standards of a bunch of hicks from eszett but its pretty objectively shitty.*  
Dave: whore you  
Dave: wait.  
Dave: roxy is that you  
Roxy: :)   
Dave: what the fuck youre a dude   
Roxy: oh  
Roxy: rly?  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first x2 combo chapter!  
> A quick note:  
> Some characters in Homestuck do puns!  
> Others do raps!  
> I do neither of these things, so Homesick sadly won't either.  
> Enjoy.

>John: Prepare yourself mentally to meet the ringmaster. 

John and Gamzee spend a few more minutes just chilling and finishing off their beverages. John does his best to quiet down when he realizes there are others in the disorganized little trailer house, carnies napping in hammocks along the walls. Still, Gamzee retains his usual volume, suggesting that these guys' lights are as out as you would expect from substance users - which he's getting the impression more and more is standard at this carnival. Gamzee and the others don't exactly seem like drunks, but there are other drugs he has heard about in the city so far.  
  
Soon, Gamzee leaves to talk to the ringmaster, leaving John to sit alone in his comfortable floor poof. He feels like a shaken bottle of sugary soda, which in fairness, is probably in part due to the bottle of sugary soda he just finished. But he still doesn't feel at ease with his new "friend." There's the business with the sign and countersign shenanigans like the cotton candy, the way Gamzee seems to have figured out instantly that John was cursed at all, the fact that he has a leader who is in on this too, the way he keeps alluding to know more than he lets on in an alluringly mysterious way. Not that he ever thought he'd refer to a big smelly clown as alluring and mysterious but there you go.  
  
John shuts his eyes and tries to close out the stressful thoughts about his predicament and the anxiety creeping into his limbs from his core, letting his mind wander freely, to his friends and his home. It seems like it's been forever since he's seen his friends - since he's had a good chance to shoot the breeze with Dave, or hell - since he's seen Jade at all. Part of it is that they've all been a lot busier in the time since... since they had to all start fending for themselves a lot more. But sometimes he worries they're growing apart. Part of him wonders if they're just growing apart. Maybe this adventure is a blessing in disguise - a chance to get the gang back together.  
  
He opens his eyes back up a little and stares at the ceiling. He wonders who all ended up here on Sanctum. He knows he heard Dave complaining a few cells down, and Rose is here. Jade was across the hall. So at least clans Harley, Strider, Lalonde, and Crocker are here probably. At least, if he was a pirate, he'd probably try to nab whole clans at a time. Don't want to leave anyone behind to seek revenge, right? Jeez, what a ruthless thing to think, he thinks. How did they get off that pirate ship, anyway? He keeps noticing odd gaps in his memory like that.  
  
He sure wishes he had whatever these clowns are having. It'd be nice to just slip into the grip of sopor. But he's got promises to keep and miles to go before he sleeps.  
He stares up and tries to think about nothing. He uses a trick Jade taught him to use on nights when he felt restless, counting stars. There are no stars since he's in a trailer and it's morning, but the fanciful patterns on the ceiling help him get his eyes into a good rhythm.

>John: Space out for a while. 

John has already been spacing out for a while, but he keeps doing it for a while more until he feels good and numb, and then a while longer still until he notices Gamzee has returned. Or rather, had already returned while John was spacing out. 

John: *john blinks, yawns, and leans up.*  
John: oh hey gamzee!  
John: i didn't see you come back in.  
John: or hear you, actually.  
John: uh... how long ago did you come back?  
Gamzee: A hOt MiNuTe BrO bUt ThAt's JuSt AlRiGhT.  
Gamzee: YoU sEeMeD liKe YoU hAd A wIcKeD zEn On So I fIgUrEd It WaS ChIlL.  
John: sorry.  
John: i started spacing out i think.  
John: it wasn't really even that zen! i think. i don't really know what that word means but I think i got the idea.  
Gamzee: LiKe I sAiD, bRoThEr.  
Gamzee: YoU aIn'T gOtTa ExPlAiN sHiT tO mE.  
Gamzee: I aLl GeT tHaT a MoThAfUcKa NeEdS hIs ChIlL tImE.  
Gamzee: LeT mE kNoW wHeN yOu'Re ReAdY, aNd We'Ll Go SeE mY hOnChO. nOt A mInUtE sOoNeR. :o)  
John: *john pops up with a windy _woosh_ and maybe he doesn't have any wind powers, but it sure does seem like a gravity defying jump up should be kinda windy! so it is. he settles to the ground with a flutter, creating a whorl of scattered playing cards and assorted garbage.*  
John: hehehe...  
John: then i'm ready! i already spent a bunch of time lying around and feeling like garbage in here, and i don't want to waste a whole bunch more!  
Gamzee: AlRiGhT, tHaT's ThE sPiRiT mY gOoD mOthErFuCkEr!  
Gamzee: *He GeTs HiS bEcKoN oN wItH a BiG wAvE oF oNe LoNg ArM.*  
Gamzee: RiGhT tHiS fUcKiN wAy.

>Chapter 6: Bifurcate 

As John prepares to visit the Ringmaster, Roxy and Dave are elsewhere, and as we split our focus, so too will the chapter split to accommodate our omnipresent vision. We attempt the rare and dangerous x2 Chapter Combo, and succeed without even a little difficulty. We head over to Chapter 6B, Dave and Roxy's thread, and retroactively designate John's thread Chapter 6A. What are Dave and Roxy up to?

(Chapter 6B)  
> Roxy: Glomp Dave. 

Roxy: *pouncegreet!*  
Roxy: *roxy tackles dave in a flying hug, swingin him around*  
Roxy: woohoo! daaaave!  
Roxy: *he basically squeals hella girlishly.*  
Dave: oh shit  
Dave: *dave goes down hard af*  
Roxy: *saccharine dispo!*  
Dave: *little sticky notes everywhere* 

>Roxy: Check out Dave's place. 

Dave's apartment appears to be a narrow apartment, currently furnished barely, a table made out of a board and cinderblocks taking up the wall opposite Dave's bed. Most of its surface is taken up by books and notes, along with a device Roxy knows is called a cogitator - a communication and calculation device. There's also a device he doesn't know, with a control panel covered in buttons, and a pair of black discs on the surface. There's a window along the far wall, giving a view of the city skyline outside, and from what Roxy can tell, they're probably quite far from the ground. Big black birds - Crows? Ravens? He's not sure - wheel around outside. The room is lit from overhead by a pair of fluorescent lamps, rendering it well illuminated. A minifridge and a cook stove are parked neatly in the corner. Over Dave's bed hang what appear to be several shitty swords. Where did he get those? 

Roxy: wassap, dude? you look like ur livin the swanky life though like  
Roxy: not as swanky as rose :3  
Roxy: n whats with all the book stuff! you didnt suddenly become all scholarly n shit did u?  
Dave: ok first of all why dont you start by explaining  
Dave: why you have a dick all of a sudden  
Dave: and maybe then like get it off of the middle of my chest  
Dave: cause i think both your sudden dudeliness and my ability to breathe and not be flattened are a higher priority than my sudden and egregious nerd cred  
Roxy: i accept ur terms  
Roxy: *he gets up and pulls him to his feet*  
Roxy: i got cursed by a ghost wizard  
Roxy: she probably wants 2 bang me  
Roxy: hbout you?  
Dave: kthx i suddenly understand exactly what happened  
Dave: anyway  
Dave: just boning up on some obscure legal horseshit  
Dave: the city of sanctum owes me about fifty thrones of ubi backpay and while i obviously dont need it at this point  
Dave: im kind of like  
Dave: basically i think I gotta get these motherfuckers on principle now  
Dave: not that i actually give a shit its more like good practice  
Dave: did you know this place is like a labyrinth of bad decisions  
Roxy: wow i mostly dont kno what ur talkin about but im  
Roxy: hells of proud u kno it :3  
Dave: its  
Dave: the econony  
Dave: so what about your deal i guess you have to go smash this ghost wizard  
Dave: figuratively or literally  
Roxy: probably figuratively? im hope its not literal bc  
Roxy: rose is p sure shes actually a god  
Dave: damn  
Dave: not even two weeks into our adventure and you went and picked up a big tiddy god gf  
Dave: i mean i assume shes a big tiddy god gf idk what she actually looks like  
Dave: what kind of god is she though, i assume its an asura right  
Roxy: ya, think so! howd u know!  
Dave: like i said im basically becoming an even bigger dork than probably even jade trying to get around in this place  
Dave: theres like four kinds of gods  
Dave: youve got devas who are heavenly fiery badass monk gods of the law and like  
Dave: the philosophies i guess  
Dave: the animoi who are like personifications or...  
Dave: animalifications  
Dave: bestifications  
Dave: whatever  
Dave: of different kinds of primal chaos like fire and shit  
Dave: faeries which are basically what youd expect a faery to be  
Dave: and then the kind of god that probably cursed you is called an asura - theyre capricious dream gods of luck and wishes and arts and crafts - theyre kind of like those stories about asshole genies who give you what you asked for but not what you want unless theyre feeling it  
Roxy: nerd!  
Dave: stfu  
Dave: look im not going to keep rosing it up here you can find any of this stuff out basically by accident  
Dave: anyway howd you not figure all this stuff out already youre usually super sharp  
Dave: like somebody took some razorglass from the seashore on volcano island and was like  
Dave: know what  
Dave: this aint shit  
Dave: im gonna need something about five times sharper.  
Dave: so sharp  
Roxy: aw! :3  
Dave: well  
Roxy: busy!  
Dave: with what  
Roxy: stealin shit and playing around with spooky powers!  
Roxy: dave did u know were basically ghosts  
Dave: what no  
Dave: when did we die  
Roxy: were not actually ghosts, were just  
Roxy: _like_ ghosts  
Dave: ok good because  
Dave: i was about to say  
Dave: if im a ghost if have a shitload of wailing and moaning and haunting to catch up on  
Dave: wait hang on  


A shadow darts across the window, briefly dimming the room almost imperceptibly. 

Roxy: :?  
Dave: *dave goes over and looks out the window*  
Dave: thought I saw something  
Dave: like  
Dave: a really big bird  


(Chapter 6A)  
>John: Meet Gamzee's Honcho 

John follows Gamzee into the big top, which is presently dimly illuminated. Surrounding the middle of the room, clowns, acrobats, freaks, and others John can't properly classify chill, making music and laughter, the air full of smoke. Sitting in the middle, in what appears to be a badly straining lawnchair, is the biggest person John has seen in his entire life - hulking and hunched over, John can't imagine he'd be less than 9 feet tall standing up. In many ways, he's like an upscaled Gamzee - taller, floofier, and rippling with muscle. His face paint is by far the most convincingly skeleton like of the troupe, he wears a skin-tight skeleton-print jumpsuit, and disconcertingly, his mouth appears to be seen shut. This man is enormous. Betraying some genuinely otherworldly connection, a pair of tall stately horns rise up from his shaggy mop. From out of the shadows of his mane, John sees a glint of shiny violet eyes, and shivers.  
  
Sitting across his lap is a woman who is definitely not human, a pair of catlike ears coming out of her raggedy mane of hair, and a pair of wide, catlike eyes adorning her visage - along with many other similarly feline features. She's the only one here who looks as out of place as John, wearing an olive green sweater, and no paint to speak of, but like any of the clowns, she has the appearance of being doped up.  
  
The giant waits for Gamzee and John to approach, and then raising both hands, starts quickly signing. The cat woman interprets. 

>Meulin: Interpret 

Meulin: (^･ω･^) < HIS MIRTHFUL EXCELLENCY, THE CLOWN PRINCE OF THE CARNIVAL OF MOCKERS ON SANCTUM, AND MOST RIGHTEOUS-WICKED OF THE SERVANTS OF THE LAUGHING MAN S33S A FRESH FACE, NEVER PAINTED, IN HIS COURT OF MIRACLES! HE WONDERS, WHO'S THIS LITTLE BITCH? SPEAK, LIL BRO GAMZ33 (^=ω=^)

She talks loudly, not _quite_ screaming, but not really projecting her voice on purpose either. As you no doubt know, Meulin is deaf. But John can only guess.

Gamzee: ThIs HaPlEsS dUdE, wHo KnOwS nOtHiNg Of ThE wAyS, iS oUr FrIeNd AnD gUeSt, WhAt HaS hAd ThE wIcKeD eLiXiR tHiS dAy. He HaS tHe WhAmMy On HiM, mY mOtHeRfUcKeRs, AnD iS sUfFeRiN' lIkE aNy SoUl SuFfErS iN tHiS bItCh Of A wOrLd. WoN't ThE pRiNcE oF dArK cHuCkLeS oFfEr ThIs PoOr SuCkA a WoRd Of SoLaCe AnD hOpE? Do:  
Gamzee: *GaMzEe PuLlS hIs MoSt HaRsH aNd AnGuIsHeD gRiMaCe Of BaD vIbEs, PuTtInG hIs HaNdS aLl Up On HiS cHeEkS, aNd SmEaRiNg HiS gReAsEpAiNt.*  


The giant beckons. 

Meulin: (^･ω･^) < APPROACH, MOTHERFUCKER.  
John: *he walks forward, swallowing loudly, more than a little intimidated by this huge guy. he guesses he can probably split any time he likes, but he's still feeling a little small.*  
John: *anyway, these guys are clearly not really clowns.*  
John: *or at least not _only_ clowns. it seems like they're probably more like a clown-themed mystery of some kind?*  
John: *back home, there were these small secret clubs called mysteries that were sort of religious, but they cloaked everything in lots of hokey pokey and symbolism.*  
John: *john is pretty sure rose might have joined one, once! but for like, a day before she peaced out. she was never much for clubs.*  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < MY MASTER BIDS YOU WELCOME. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, LITTLE DUDE?  
John: i'm john.  
John: and you're huge!  


The giant rumbles, and after a second, John realizes he's laughing. He continues signing in his quick, fluid fashion, making broad gestures. 

Meulin: (^･ω･^) < COOL. I'M KURLOZ, AND THIS FINE KITTY BITCH IS MY INTERPRETER AND MAIN SQU33ZE, MEULIN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < *SHE GIGGLES RAUCOUSLY AND BREAKS CHARACTER FOR A SECOND.*  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) BY WHICH I MEAN, THIS BIG GUY IS KURLOZ! AND I'M HIS MAIN SQU33ZE MEULIN! NICE TO M33TCHA JOHN!  
John: i can't say i've ever been pleased to meet a clown before today - or that i've ever met a cat woman at all! - but between you guys and gamzee I guess i'll have to make some kind of exception!  
John: so what's this about uh... your highness? are you going to induct me into your clown religion? cause i might have to turn you down. i'm just getting used to the idea that gods are real people who just walk around and do their business, instead of imaginary sky people the priests use to try and convince you not to do bad stuff? so I need some time to sort out my spiritual priorities.  


He shakes one big hand back and forth in the negative, before resuming 

Meulin:(^･ω･^) < NAW, DUDE.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A VISION I HAD.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < WHEN I WALKED IN THE REALM WHERE SL33PING RYDAS GO WHEN THEY'RE GETTING THEIR BEAUTY REST ON, AND WHERE DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS WALK IN DREAMS AND REVERIE, I SAW A MAN IN BLACK, WHAT LIES DEAD BUT WILL LIVE AGAIN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < AND HE SAID TO ME, "MOTHERFUCKER, I HAVE S33N A NEW AND RIGHTEOUS CLOWN, WHOSE WHIMSY IS MORE WHIMSICAL, AND WHOSE HARSH VIBES TRANSCEND THE MEANING OF GRIM AND SEND HIM YOUR WAY. WHEN HE COMES, YOU WILL KNOW HIM, FOR HE WILL BE LIKE A GHOST BEFORE YOU.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < YOU MUST K33P BOTH EYES OPEN, AND S33 WHAT YOUR HEART'S UP IN, UNCLOUDED BY THE LIES OF BASE REALITY, FOR THIS RIGHTEOUS MOTHERFUCKER, AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO COME WITH HIM WILL BE WALKING WITH ONE FOOT IN DARKNESS AND ONE FOOT IN LIGHT."  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < AND SO I HAVE. AND SO YOU DID. AND SO YOU ARE.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < DO YA DIG, DAWG?  
John: wow, I think so!  
John: are you saying... you think i'm the messiah of your religion?  


He shakes his hand and head in the negative again. 

Meulin: (^･ω･^) < ONCE AGAIN, NAW DUDE.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < THAT POSITION IS ALREADY TAKEN TWOFOLD.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < THE MAN IN BLACK AND THE MAN IN WHITE.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < THE LAUGHING MAN AND THE GROANING MAN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < THE TALKIN DUDE AND THE WALKIN DUDE.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < THEY WHO ARE DEAD BUT WILL LIVE AGAIN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < WHO WILL ONE DAY BREAK EVERY CHAIN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < BUT THEY'RE WATCHING OVER YOU, MY NINJA. YOU ARE HELLBENT AND HEAVENSENT.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < AND SO IT IS WITH THAT IN MIND I OFFER YOU MY HELP.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < WE FINNA HELP YOU LEARN HOW TO BREAK THOSE CHAINS, TO MAKE THE REAL FALSE, AND THE IMAGINARY TRUE - HOW TO WALK WITH THE DREAMING DEAD, AND MAKE THE WAKING WORLD YOUR BITCH.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < FOR YOUR WHAMMY IS EXCELLENT JUJU IN DISGUISE.  
John: wow...  
John: that sure is some stuff you just said.  
John: but it sounds like if i've got this right...  
John: it sounds like you're saying your god wants you to teach me how to use my weird ghost powers.  
John: well...  
John: rose said we're trying to become unghostly! or more real or something!  
John: but i think as long as i have them, i might as well get used to them, and see how strong I can get them. becoming real is probably going to be a pretty rough task and we can probably use all the extra friends we can get! especially since I don't even know when or how we became... not real.  
John: so alright kurloz - you can teach me.  
John: do you want anything back? is this like an apprenticeship? 

The clown gives a final sober shake of his head.

Meulin: (^･ω･^) < NO NO! THIS IS A STRICTLY PRO BONO ARRANGEMENT, BRO!  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < I AM SWORN TO BE A POOR SOLDIER IN THE MESSIAHS' ARMY, AND WON'T ACCEPT A MOTHERFUCKIN THING IN RETURN.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < YOU MAY CONSIDER ME, AND MY RIGHTEOUS LIL BRO GAMZ33, YOUR GUIDES ON WHATEVER PATH DESTINY MAKES FOR YOU TO GET YOUR WALK ON.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < FOR GOOD :O3  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < OR FOR ILL 3O:  
John: then what happens next?  
John: i guess i'm ready for my first lesson right away.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < CHURCH.  
Meulin: (^･ω･^) < BRING FORTH THE SPECIAL STARDUST, BROTHER.  
Gamzee: *GaMzEe CoMeS fOrWaRd FrOm WhErE hE hAs BeEn HaNgIn BeHiNd JoHn, HoNkInG aMbIeNtLy As He CoMeS fOrWaRd, AnD hAnDs Up A bAg FuLl Of WhAt LoOkS lIkE sHiMmErInG rAiNbOw CoLoR sAnD. iT lOoKs LiKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE wHaT iS iN pOwDeReD fOrM.*  
Gamzee: HeRe YoU gO, nEw FrIeNd :o)  
John: oh, uh... thanks.  
John: *it's surprisingly light in his hands for a bag full of sand.*  
John: what do I do with this?  
Gamzee: GrAb A hAnDfUl, ThRoW iT iN yOuR oWn GoOd FaCe, AnD bReAtHe DeEp.  
Gamzee: AnD tHeN gEt ReAdY, cAuSe ThIs Is ThE gOoD sTuFf.  
Gamzee: ThInGs GeT wEiRd FrOm ThErE. ;o)  


John hesitates for a long moment, contemplating. Is he really about to do drugs with some vulgar clown cultists who he just met to master his ghost powers?  
  
He reaches in and throws caution - and a handful of stardust - to the wind.

(Chapter 6B)  
>Dave: Jam 

Dave: so basically i guess you gotta think of the music like a wave - and the electricity is like a wave too  
Dave: so that when one wave breaks the other wave breaks  
Dave: and you just kind of sizzle up a storm like this  
Dave: *dave spizzle the dizzle on his little mini turntizzle, grinding back and forth, making a sick beat with the noise the scratch makes*  
Dave: are you taking notes here?  
Roxy: o u know it :)  
Roxy: im wearin my fuckin note takin pens out, n like, shredding up this notebook.  
Roxy: i may have 2 borrow some from u, dave. you got any spares from your econony research? help a sistah out :3  
Dave: yeah i think i can spare a handful. i can go back over the last parts in case you need a refresher from all that schooling.  
Dave: ok but actually at this point im gonna hardcore stfu  
Dave: cause im getting the impression that you stone cold stopped giving a shit about this five minutes in and im wasting good material  
Roxy: no, no! dude ur fine i fuckin love listening 2 u blabber.  
Roxy: ur cute :3  
Roxy: besides im learnin some good shit about how stuff actually works with like, utilities and stuff.  
Roxy: thanks 4 the nat philosophy crash course.  
Dave: *dave blushes bright red at the compliments, looking uncomfortable the way he always does when receiving praise.*  
Roxy: itll give jadey n me some _great_ material to work w/when we catch up with everybody and solve this biz.  
Dave: so jades really here huh  
Roxy: yeah apparently  
Roxy: sos everybody?  
Dave: like john and jake and shit  
Roxy: yeah everybody.  
Roxy: everybody's here, dave.  
Dave: nice  
Dave: meme?  
Dave: agh  
Dave: why do i know dumb shit like that when theres other shit i cant remember when i know i should  
Dave: like i dont know what a fucking meme is  
Dave: or i shouldnt  
Dave: probably ghost weirdness i guess  
Roxy: wait hang on.  
Roxy: there's def smth out there.  
Dave: is it that big bird again

Outside, the big shape darts by again. Then, a sound can be heard outside the high apartment. Footsteps on the wall. Clunk clunk clunk. A big heavy shape walks into the window, standing on it and defying gravity.  
  
Slowly, purple-blue fire spreads in a ring around the far wall of Dave's apartment, forming intricate runic shapes within itself.

Roxy: that  
Roxy: is nont a birb  
Dave: :(  
Roxy: :(  


The wall breaks open like glass exploding outward; gravity flips on its side; Roxy and Dave plummet out the side of the apartment into the vertigo-inducing skyline outside. 


	7. Chapter 7

>John: Don't fall for peer pressure! Consult a trusted adult before ingesting foreign substances. D.A.R.E. to resist drugs. 

Sadly, John has already slipped into the fabled peacebirth trance of the jokebollocks, and quakes in the foodsandwich throes of the goofjester tongues. They are stubborn throes.  
  
Although they're hardly as pleasant as I've made them out to be. John brings what he will into them. They go something like this. 

>John: Dream/Wake 

...he falls end over end through trackless nothing, and finds himself coming up for air, in a familiar sea. Something strange is going on. Overhead is a storm unlike any storm he has ever seen. It billows down from a central point, a black cloud spreading out to consume the sky unlike any cloud he has seen in his life. But there is something in the middle of the cloud. A leviathan shape, hanging on nothing - floating placidly far above in the morning sky. He wipes the water from his eyes, but the shape remains right where it was, impossibly. Long tendrils coil outward from a slender central body, like the many coils of some terrible serpent. A devilfish? He dives under the water, and swims forward, hoping to get a better look, but the current carries him down...  
  
... and now he's talking to his father again. It feels like it's been so long. As they walk together, his father's pace seems to pick up, and he can't catch up to him. The length of the pathway seems to zoom out and down, down, down, in front of him, giving him nausea the way he gets when he stands on a very high cliff. Come back! He follows him down...  
  
...and colors and mayhem blossom around him and as he runs down the path in hot pursuit, it coils and coils, becoming a spiral, and drawing him inward, and inward and inward. Another spiral joins the first, and they coil together, spiraling up around one another like a tall double helix, surrounding a tall central pole. The pole begins to quake and crumble as the serpent coils around it, crushing it, and the sky begins to fall down...  
  
...he plummets deeper into the abyss, into a bottomless pit. Nothing can return from here. At the bottom is a tomb, and in the tomb, is a voice. The voice is familiar but he doesn't know why. And the voice says...  
  


>John: Walk into the Tomb. 

John: AAAAAAUGH!  
John: what the fuck?!  
John: wait! this is a dream!  
John: i'm still back at the circus...  
John: having a really bad trip apparently.  
John: i've got to  
John: wake  
John: up!  


>John: Land already. 

Sorry. I know I've been getting a lot of mileage out of that one.  
  
John lands hard in the middle of what appears to be a ring of some kind. He's not sure why he knows it's a ring, but it is. Only after some quick observation, it doesn't appear to the be the circus ring. Or at least, not the kind of circus he was in a moment ago. Maybe another kind of circus.  
  
There is a chain affixed to his leg, and he realizes he's not wearing his own clothes any more. He's wearing what seems like a suit of armor. It's tough, and smooth like a beetle's carapace. He's also armed, he realizes, with a sword and a shield.  
  
The chain trails away into the darkness, toward the other edge of the ring. In the darkness surrounding the ring, an invisible, indistinct crowd roars. 

John: _**oof**_  
John: *he lies there, groaning for a second.*  
John: aaaaargh...  
John: where am i now? i never should have trusted those clowns...  
John: *sensing danger, he rolls onto his side, and slowly gets to his feet.*  


Out of the darkness emerges another similarly clad figure. She looks smaller than John, slender, lithe. In some ways, she's almost childlike - but not quite. Her armor is decorated fancifully. She's monochrome, grey skin, black eyes, and entirely too much messy, pure white hair. A splash of cerulean makeup adds character to her otherwise grayscale appearance, however. Her stance is wide, and she holds a curving broadsword in both hands, with the posture of a warrior.

Vriska: RAAAAAAAARGH!  
Vriska: *With a 8loodcurdling roar and a 8loodhungry grin, she charges him, throwing her sword 8ack and preparing for a wide cleave.*  


Looks like it's going to be a fight. Why don't we check back in on Dave and Roxy? 

>Dave: Fall with Style 

Dave falls, and catching his breath, orients himself, and lands on his feet, dropping to one knee, and catching himself with a spread hand. He has landed in the middle of a ring made of the same blue-purple flames as the one which blew his room to smithereens. He hurriedly gets his bearings. He is floating in the middle of the sky, gravity still drawing him sideways instead of downwards.

>Roxy: Fall without Style 

Roxy's landing is considerably less graceful. He plummets like a flailing sack of potatoes down onto Dave, flattening him with an unpleasant smack.

Roxy: aaaagh....  
Dave: ow fuck 

Their assailant at last reveals himself. Plummeting down into the magical arena, a massive figure lands heavily enough that if they were not in the middle of the sky, he would kick up dust. The figure slowly rises to his full height, two heads taller than either of them, revealing himself to be clad in heavy armor that seems like it is probably made of stone or ceramic or something similar, colored an impure white, dirty from use and lack of polish. Over top of it, he wears an elegant egg-yoke-yellow cowl hemmed with tassels, and a pair of loose purple leggings with a rope like belt.  
  
A glowing rune hangs in the middle of his armored forehead like the diadem in the fiery crown he wears. Actually, there's a lot of fire coming out of this guy, all the same color as his magic. The eyes of his armor glow with the stuff, and a smokeless flame sprouts from his head.  
  
With a flick of his arm, he tosses away his cowl, revealing his ceramic armor to be sculpted into the shape of a stylized muscular human torso, with similarly ripped arms. and drops into an aggressive stance, placing his stone heel against the ground, and drawing it around him quickly in a circle. As he does, walls go up, and the arena becomes a cage of force, edged with runes of sealing. He bears no weapon, and instead, puts out a bare hand, beckoning.  
  
Dave knows, and Roxy guesses - both correctly - that this man made of fire, wearing sculpted armor, is a Deva.  
  
It looks like he wants to fight. 

NACAHIEL  
==Celestial God of Demonstration== 

>Dave: Arm yourself with a shitty sword 

Dave: *dave fortunately has one of those so*  
Dave: *guess a shitty sword is better than no sword*  
Dave: *looks like all those sessions of getting his ass kicked by his dad are going to finally come in handy*  
Dave: *he takes up an aggressive stance too*  


>Roxy: Fail to arm yourself 

Roxy: *roxy doesn't have any weapons to fail to arm himself with!*  
Roxy: *luckalay, he is pretty tough at fighting with his bare hands from getting into lotsa scuffs as a kid and now that he's an adult, bar brawls*  
Roxy: *he looks over at dave, n nods 2 him*  


[> [S] Dave, Roxy: Strife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK7KgRWkKeQ)

Dave and Roxy circle the ring opposite the Deva, who maintains his distance, as the tension rises. Something imperceptible about the status quo changes, and then the Deva dashes, running forward across the ring.  
  
Dave, and then a split instant behind him, Roxy, countercharges, and then upon reaching nearly the middle, jumps in the air, bringing his sword down in a horse-cleaving blow.  
  
His sword snaps in half on impact. 

Dave: shit

The Deva grabs Dave, and flings him across the room, sending him speedily toward the wall, arms flailing helplessly. Roxy's mouth drops open, and he shouts in anger, throwing punches at the Deva's literally chiseled chest. No sell. He grabs him, twists his arm, and flips him over, sending him to the floor, groaning in pain. 

Roxy: oof, arrgh.  
Roxy: *he pops up from the ground in a fluid motion, and keeps fightin!*  


He keeps fighting, only to discover that Dave has rebounded off the wall into the Deva's grasp, glasses smashed and astray, hair badly mussed. Holding Dave by the scruff of his shirt like a bad kitten, the Deva backs up slowly as Roxy flails his first few punches into him, moving Dave fluidly to absorb them as a human shield. Then, with a stunning blow to the chest, he knocks the wind out of Roxy, and flings him to the wall. 

Roxy: *he smacks into the wall, and slides down it. it doesn't hurt as much as he was expectin, tbh. he smears down the invisible wall like a glass window.*  
Dave: *dave smacks into the wall next to him, back to it, and slumps down next to him*  
Dave: augh  


The Deva straightens up, and starts slowly walking over with heavy clunking footsteps. 

Roxy: this sux! lets get out of here!  
Dave: what how  
Dave: idk if you noticed but were kind of in a cage match with an angry flaming stone beefcake  


> Roxy: Grab your bro, and fall down some stairs. 

Roxy does exactly that. Grabbing Dave's hand, he rolls backward, down the Abyssal Stairs, and out of the Star God Hell In A Cell.  
  
Something Something All These Stairs. Warned You About Something Something.  


Dave: oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof

It keeps happening.


	8. Chapter 8

>John: DODGE!!!!!!!! 

With all due haste, John jumps backward to avoid a swift leaping downward stroke that would have cloven him in half vertically, staggering as he loses his balance a little. The monochrome swordswoman lands where he was, and stops herself with precision, transforming the sword's momentum to swing it upward and into a horizontal arc, threatening to bisect him horizontally this time.  
  
He stumbles backward again to avoid the blow, huffing and yelping as they trip the light ferocious, one quick swing after another driving him backward. Getting his balance back, he turns and runs, deciding he is not in a good state to fight her back. After just a few steps, something yanks at his ankle, tripping him so that he falls down onto his chest hard.  
  


John: oof!  
Vriska: *The young woman huffs, catching her 8reath, and approaches at a leisurely pace.*  
Vriska: Can't a8scond, dude.  
Vriska: *when john turns to look, he sees the reason he was yanked. the other shackle is on the swordswoman's ankle.*  
John: *he boggles vacantly at this just long enough not to get killed, and then rolls up onto his feet, brandishing his shield with both hands.*  
Vriska: *She picks up some momentum, and swings her 8roadsword in a lazy arc, cl8nging it against his shield.*  
John: wait! *he blocks another hard blow, shaking his arm.* stop! i'm not your enemy. *clang!* i don't want to hurt you!  
Vriska: *She laughs a 8itter laugh.* Wow, they really picked a dense motherfucker for me today, didn't they? Don't you get it? This is the Pit. In here...  
Vriska: *She tightens her grip, and goes for another overhead 8low.*  
Vriska: It's kill or 8e kiiiiiiiilled!  
John: *john yelps as the shield is yanked out of his hand. A front-facing barb on the tip of the curved broadsword grabs his shield by the edge, and pulls it out of his hands.*  
John: *he jumps nimbly backward again, huffing and gritting his teeth.  
Vriska: *She snarls.* Fight 8ack, damn it!  
John: *john finally draws his sword, and holds it in one hand, swinging it around defensively to get an idea for its balance. something about a sword doesn't feel right. he'd really much rather have a hammer.* 

She charges him, and John brings up his... hammer? He blocks her with a big warhammer, even though he was holding a sword just a second ago. 

John: ...what?  
Vriska: *She keeps fighting undeterred, not even seeming to notice the altered detail.

As John keeps up his defense, and manages a couple of offensive blows, he slowly realizes there are other details that are off about this situation. The whole place is in shades of monochrome - though much more deeply than the woman taking him to school. Seriously, how can she lift that thing, it's huge, and she is _little._ He glances around as he backs off and circles her. Even though there's a roaring crowd, no one is visible.

John: *john's mouth hangs open in sudden realization.*  
John: (wait a minute...)  
John: (this is still just a bad dream!)  
John: *he looks across at his increasingly frustrated, flustered opponent, and a second realization dawns on him.*  
John: (it's just not... _my_ bad dream!)  
John: *he renews his defense, now fighting back without fear.  
John: *lucid dreaming makes everything easier!*  
Vriska: *She seems surprised, and then invigorated by the fact that he's not just defending himself, getting into the fight a little more herself.*  
John: hey, wait! quit fighting for a second. i want to talk!  
Vriska: Shut up! 

As she brings down her sword in another blow, John does not defend. Instead, he falls over backwards, and passes through the floor and the chain, ghost-style. Vriska's sword cleaves through nothing, sending her staggering forward in surprise.  
  
John appears through the floor. Looks like he'll have to beat her to get her to stop. With the element of surprise available to him, he swishes the sword under her staggering feet, knocking her to the ground. She rolls over, getting back up, but now she is on the defensive.  
  
Mimicking her own leisurely blows from a minute ago, he keeps her off balance by effortlessly swinging the dream-heavy warhammer in sweeping strikes, driving her backward, and now it's her turn to huff and yelp as she tries to regain her balance.  
  
He pulls her legs out from under her again with a well timed low blow, causing her to roll and drop her sword. They share a moment of realization, and both go for it at the same time, ending up in a scuffle on the ground, but John is faster, and has lucidity on his side, so he comes up on top, pinning her.

John: *panting with exertion, John gets up, sweating, and keeps a foot on her chest, bringing the sword tip to her throat.*  
Vriska: *She looks up at him, struggling, unable to get him off her. While her small frame affords her speed and precision, power it does not.*  
Vriska: *He catches a sparkle of fear and anger in her eyes as she struggles, spluttering*  
Vriska: *And then, she seems to give up, going limp, a dull look of despair in her eyes replacing fiery defiance. She looks away in humili8ion.  
Vriska: (Well?... You won, quit gloating. Just get it over with...)  
John: i don't know what exactly you think is going on here, but it isn't. look around. doesn't everything look a little weird?  
Vriska: *Her expression vacillates between relief and suspicion.*  
Vriska: Don't play g8mes with me, human! What are you talking about?  
John: um...  
John: *something clicks.* oh!  
John: think about how you got here! where were you before you saw me and started attacking?  
Vriska: I don't know what you're talking a8out, I was just...  
Vriska: I was...  
Vriska: *The shifting look on her face settles on abject confusion.* What the fuck?  


The darkness starts to dissipate, polygonal chunks of it vanishing with sounds like a bugging computer, leaving the two of them in a quiet, neutral space. 

John: this is just a dream. there's no danger. you're safe.  
John: i'm going to let you get up now, okay? but you have to promise not to attack me.  
Vriska: *Her mouth hangs open a little 8it as she looks at him mystified, and then she shuts it, 8iting her tongue, and nods in agreement.*  
John: *john takes his foot off her chest, and gives her a hand up.*  
Vriska: *She slowly gets to her feet, huffing and panting.*  
John: what's your name?  
Vriska: I'm Vriska.  
John: *he grins amicably, their quarrel forgotten pretty much instantly.*  
John: hi vriska! i'm john :)  


>Roxy: Drag your bro to a totes safe hiding spot. 

Roxy: *roxy sticks the landing off the a-stairs, pullin dave out into his shack in the cluster near the rim.*  
Dave: *dave fails to stick the landing and wipes out hard as a motherfucker*  
Dave: ow  
Dave: ok nice to know that if stuff ever gets too hot to handle we can just do  
Dave: whatever that was.  
Dave: *he gets up and dusts himself off.*  
Dave: so what the fuck did we just end up in the godcop wrestlebardo for?  


>Roxy: Remember what Rose said about ghost auras and agitated gods. 

Roxy: ok so bscly  
Roxy: rose explained dis all 2 me @ length  
Roxy: but im give u the short version bc i probs spaced out on some of the details and as u know she is hells of wordy  
Roxy: we got like a negative energy whammy and the devas dont like it.  
Roxy: and is probably dangerous somehow that we don't kno yet exactly.  
Roxy: and it gets way stronger if we're in the same place too long  
Roxy: so they can sniff us out.  
Roxy: we do get some neato bonuses tho, like all kindsa ghosty powers  
Roxy: like the stairs.  
Dave: yeah i guess thats how you just appeared out of nowhere to scare the shit out of me  
Roxy: yeh! :3  
Roxy: neway, we should probably not hang out together too long again so that another deva doesn't come and thrash us up again  
Dave: yeah i guess  
Dave: but uh one more thing i guess before we split  
Dave: did it seem like he was kind of dicking around instead of actually trying to beat us or arrest us for ghost crimes  
Dave: cause that guy kicked our ass and thats pretty much all there is to say on the subject.  
Roxy: yeh i got the same feelin.  
Dave: alright well thats a hell of a mystery  
Dave: lets see if we cant solve it i guess  
Dave: anyway, i guess i better ollie outie.  
Dave: if you want to work on that or something theres a big huge library in the middle of town in one of the hub spires thats like the official treasure trove of pretty much all books on sanctum  
Dave: im not going back there right now because ive basically had enough of books pretty much for a while but theres all kinds of horseshit like that up there if you want to find out about pretty much whatever without having to consult rose or me  
Dave: they pretty much have a ministry or department for everything there  
Dave: a library of parliament, a bureau of parking tickets, a department of confiscated contraband, the ministry of your mom  
Roxy: dave  
Roxy: ell em ay oh! shush! youre going to get us in trouble with the super fuzz!  
Dave: aight later  
Dave: guess im gonna try out the stairs  


Dave steps forward as though to start climbing, and disappears as though sucked in an upward spiral to a single point with a sound like a balloon over-inflating and exploding. 

Roxy: huh so thats what that sounds like from outside  
Roxy: wait  
Roxy: did he say department of confiscated contraband :O

>Dave: Replace broken glasses. 

Dave reappears from the abyssal stairs in an alleyway in a part of the city he's more familiar with. It's near the hub, and not actually far from his thrashed apartment. His calendar is cleared now that his apartment has been trashed, and he doesn't have anything else he has to do for the rest of the day. Later tonight, he has an engagement DJing for a rave. He's a quick learner, and has immediately demonstrated a knack for handling the turntable. This will be the second night in a row he does this.  
  
For now, he heads into the street, and slips into a nearby superstore. He heads past the front, picks out a pair of shades identical to his destroyed pair, and fixes his hair in the mirror, pays, and leaves.

>Dave: Reconsider ironic use of shitty swords for future strife. 

Dave: *dave reconsiders the use of shitty swords for future strife*  
Dave: *and then decides that nah*  
Dave: *he will keep using shitty swords ironically*  
Dave: *honestly at this point it seems like hes probably not going to be getting into too many fights where the quality of the sword is going to matter much*  
Dave: *if its just devas then hes probably going to need more than a slightly less shitty sword to have a shot*  
Dave: *hes also not sure he even wants to fight devas tbh*  
Dave: *like it was kind of unavoidable at the time but theyre supposed to be mostly pretty reasonable dudes if not necessarily cool per se*  
Dave: *although always kind of intense*  


>Dave: Get mad and smash something, preferably dramatically. 

Dave: *nah*  
Dave: *instead he will stay cool and slash something preferably ironically.*  
Dave: *he heads to a nearby rooftop finding somwhere he is preferably not likely to be seen and starts fucking around with another shitty sword.*  
Dave: *might as well get some practice in*  
Dave: *dangerous adventure is dangerous and some use for this might come up.*

>Vriska: M8ke a new friend 

Vriska: Well it's very nice to meet you, John. Even if you are the kind of goofy wuss who lets his defeated enemies off the hook like that. *She gives him a supercilious smile.*  
John: oh bluh! what a burn. i guess i'd rather be a goofy wuss than the kind of person who gets their dream ass handed to her by a goofy wuss >:P  
Vriska: *She doesn't have an answer to that, and laughs.* Hahahaha, alright. Touché. You got me there.  
John: so i guess you're a real person then, and not just a figment of my imagination?  
Vriska: Yes John, I am indeed a real person. And I guess... probably so are you? Either that, or my 8rain has a weird way of figuring out that I'm dreaming.  
John: no, i am definitely real. well... sort of. actually, i guess the jury's still out on that one.  
John: it's complicated.  
Vriska: *She cocks an eyebrow.* Ooooooookay.  
Vriska: *She looks around.* So I guess this is what happens in a dream when you aren't dreaming of anything? Huh.  
John: i don't really have any idea. i'm basically learning this too right now.  
Vriska: Is that so? Well then John, it sounds like you are a pretty talented sorcerer's apprentice if you managed to sneak into somebody's dreams on what sounds like it is probably your first try.  
John: actually, believe it or not, he is less of a sorcerer, and more of a giant, kind of scary clown!  
Vriska: Gross.  
John: Kind of!  
Vriska: Hang on. I think... this is an old look for me? Let me see if I can remem8er what I look like while I'm awake right now...  
Vriska: *She shuts her eyes, and 8oth she, and the dream around the two of them, shift. They are now standing on a rocky cliffside above a tossing ocean. The temperature is hot, and overhead, an intense sun 8eats down through jungle trees.  
Vriska: *Vriska's appearance shifts as well. She is still wearing her cerulean decorated carapace armor, but she is now also wearing a fashionable longcoat, a sleek feathered tricorn hat, and a pair of spectacles.  
Vriska: *In addition, one of her eyes has been replaced - it has 8een replaced by what appears to be a clear, glassy, opalescent stone. So too has one of her hands been replaced with what looks like it's a similar material to the carapace armor.*  
Vriska: *She wipes her forehead.* Wow, this is a hot one. And a better memory or... dream than the last one.  
Vriska: *She changes her appearance again, dressing down to a sleeveless white shirt and a pair of tough but comfy looking pants. It appears that her whole arm, and not just her hand, is mechanical.*  
Vriska: *She sits down on the cliffside, and sighs.*  
John: *john sits down next to her, and similarly changes to his waking appearance.*  
John: *he looks her up and down.*  
John: i don't know what gives me this idea... but i think you might be some kind of a pirate, right?  
Vriska: Ha! May8e if you want to 8e crass a8out it! Some surface-worlders might accuse us of 8eing pirates, 8ut I prefer to think of myself as an intrepid explorer, treasure-hunter, and merchant princess!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaanyway, how'd you guess that? *She gives him another suspicious look.  
John: alright, fair enough. sounds like you lead a pretty exciting life! actually, you know, when i think about it, i am probably something like a prince myself!  
John: my sister jane was something called the tanist back on our homeworld meaning she was next in line to be the king!  
Vriska: Aaaaaaaah, see John? Now this is starting to make more sense. I see why you wanted to spare me now, even if it was just a dream - it is not the way of no8les to shed each other's 8lood. We have a more civilized way. *She smiles smugly.* 8uuuuuuuut you still didn't answer my question!  
John: right, I was getting to that. see, the reason I say back home is because a bunch of us were recently kidnapped by pirates, and are quite a long way from the world we came from! and i've been having a hard time remembering exactly what happened during the whole kerfuffle while we were on board the pirate ship.  
John: but after our fight, something sparked in my memory.  
John: and I remembered, the pirates wore armor that looked a lot like yours!  
Vriska: Huh! Well... I'm sorry to disappoint you if it means that you don't get to solve a mystery, 8ut I don't think I'm 8ehind the kidnapping! I'm not much for slave runs. They're... kind of terri8le when it comes to treasure margins?  
John: *he furrows his brow, giving her an askance glance.* uh huh.  
John: so... i have another question.  
Vriska: Ask away! To the victor go the spoils, and it seems like it's not going to 8e too dangerous for me to answer questions for a human guy who I've never seen 8efore. We're pro8a8ly not even in the same part of the universe, come to think of it.  
John: (interesting.)  
John: see you keep calling me a human, and you don't look like any kind of human i've ever seen.  
John: so if you're not a human, what kind of a person are you?  
Vriska: *She 8ursts into laughter.* Well I'm an _elf_ o8viously!!!!!!!! Haven't you ever seen an elf 8efore?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! We have a Discord now! Eventually, I'll be adding that to the beginning notes or Summary of the whole fanfiction, but for now, I wanted it to be obvious to people who have already been following it for a little bit on just discovering the new chapter. If you found this through AO3 and you're liking it, come talk about it with other people who also like it :)

>John: Ask inappropriate questions about elves, like a dumby 

John and Vriska wander through her memory, the sun beating down on the two of them and drenching their dreaming forms in sweat when combined with the humidity. She leads him down animal trails through the jungle on the cliffside, heading toward a landmark - a big stone tepui that juts up out of the earth, well above the treeline. 

John: so pretend that i really don't know what an elf is, and fill me in like i don't know anything! because you don't _seem_ like any elf i've ever heard of!  
Vriska: Just what _have_ you heard a8out elves, then?  
John: that elves are tiny people who live under the hills, who perform acts of magical trickery and whimsy to help worthy people and mess with people who deserve it or cross you! and also probably leave little gifts for people around yuletide?  
Vriska: Hahahaha! Sounds like whoever was in charge of lore on your homeworld was pretty terri8le at their jo8 then! A8out the only thing they got right is that we mess with people who cross us.  
Vriska: Alright well, where shall I start as your _magnanimous_ guide to the world of elves? I mean, it's as good a conversation as any to have as long as I'm sleeping, I guess!  


>John: Medium Version 

Soon, they're standing within sigh of the lower edge of the sheer sides of the tepui that form the mountain. Vriska starts poking around. 

John: I mean, I'm probably not going anywhere! I don't really know how long it's going to be until my stardust clowntrance is over, but let's keep it a little shorter? how about something in the middle?  
Vriska: Alright then. Let me start 8y saying what elves _are._ We are a proud race of warriors and scholars who trace our ancestry back to faerie kings and queens who once mingled with mortals near the 8eginning of time. We are smarter, faster, and generally just 8eeeeeeeetter than humans at most things; and we stay young for a long, long time too. Getting the picture so far?  
John: *john rolls his eyes as he listens to her talk.* yeah, i think i'm getting the picture. it sounds like you're a lot more modest and humble than humans, too!  
Vriska: Quiet you! *She gives him a savage, toothy grin.* Who's telling this story, me or you? You asked me to give you the lowdown, so here it is!  
John: alright, alright. keep going, i guess.  
Vriska: Thank you. Anyway a8out two thousand or three thousand years ago, we had an empire that spanned the stars - the greatest sorcerers and philosophers of our people - Phoenix Kings - 8ecame strong enough to destroy cities with one spell and 8uild all kinds of feats of mega-engineering - highways to connect up one end of a world with another, unassaila8le fortresses, glittering cities in the sky - the works!  
John: like sanctum, you mean.  
Vriska: Very perceptive John. Looks like you're paying closer attention than I thought. Yes, like Sanctum.  
Vriska: We didn't found Sanctum, but we did a lot of the legwork involved in making it what it is today.  
Vriska: Or my ancestors did, anyway! Like I said, it's 8ncient history now. The Empire fell apart in a 8ig civil war when the Phoenix Lords couldn't stand each other any more - too many different ideas about how the universe should be ruled, I guess.  
Vriska: Whole worlds 8urned to cinders in the fight. There aren't a lot of us left.  
Vriska: Soooooooo that's elves, I guess!  
John: that was... a lot to take in actually, for a kind of medium version. wow.  
John: that's pretty rough vriska. i don't know about empires and civil wars or anything but... i guess i'm sorry about your people.  
Vriska: *She fusses around with a rocky outcropping.* Yeah well... them's the 8r8ks. Honestly, they pro8a8ly got what was coming to them. At the end of the day, as strong as it seemed like the Phoenix Lords were at the time, they didn't act like they were playing for keeps, and they couldn't stay in the game.  
John: *john coughs uncomfortably and decides to change the subject.*  
John: so... what are you doing? you seem like you're looking for something in particular?  
Vriska: You're right. *She presses down on a bit of rock, and a small opening appears as part of the face of the tepui in front of them melts away.* There's a bolthole I used to have on this world. Compared to some of the places I've visited lately, it's kind of a crumby little rock, but it's a nice memory, and if I know which memory this actually is, there might be something neat worth showing you down this way.  
Vriska: *She leads him down into the mountainside, into pitch darkness.*  
John: uh... hey, i can't see in the dark.  
Vriska: Ooooooooh right! I guess I forgot that humans can't do that.  
John: actually... maybe _i_ can? i'm kind of ghosty...  
John: *slowly his eyes adjust, and as already established in a scene he doesn't know about, he can in fact see in the dark.  
Vriska: *Vriska leads him further down until a wide space opens up in front of them. They stand on a fairly wide rocky ledge, below which is a still glassy pool of dark water. Floating out a ways from the shore is a sleek 8oat that looks to 8e of the same construction as John's armor, and the pir8 ships that raided John's home island - smooth, and impossibly dura8le, with gossamer fin-like sails, and what John can now identify are engine exhausts on the rear end.*  
Vriska: Yessssssss! John, meet 8rigantine. She's my childhood skiff. Whenever I got a chance to get away from my home city, I'd sail her all over.  
Vriska: *She smiles a genuinely happy smile.*  
John: *it's a little infectious, and he can't help but smile back.*  
John: so i guess you've always been pretty adventurous even since you were a kid, huh?  
John: speaking of which, how old are you, anyway? no offense, but i kind of thought you were a kid or a teen or something right now!  
Vriska: Holy shit? Don't you know you're never supposed to ask a lady her age? Pretty rude, John!  
Vriska: 8ut no, I'm an adult like you.  
Vriska: Come on, let's 8oard. Might as well do something exciting during this dream.  
Vriska: *She leads him over to a nearby stone, where a rope is secured between the ship and the ledge, and jumps up, running along the rope toward the boat.*  
Vriska: Untie the mooring when you reach the ship! If you're kind of ghosty, I'm 8etting you can just fly over, right?  
John: *he watches her run along the rope, wondering how much of it's elf fastness, and how much of it is just that it's a dream.* um, oh yeah! sure.  
John: *he waits for her to reach the ship, and unties the rope, carrying it up onto the deck with him. it's not a big craft.*  
John: so this ship was all yours when you were just a kid, huh? i guess you said earlier you were some kind of princess?  
Vriska: Yep. It was a gift from my auntie. Just a little something to help me start 8uilding the skills I'd need to make it in the world, y'know?  
John: nice present. i know i said i was a prince, but i don't think i ever got anything quite as nice as this for a birthday.  
Vriska: I almost certainly got nicer presents from an o8jective perspective, 8ut 8rigantine is proooooooo8a8ly my favorite. 

>Vriska: S8il 

John follows Vriska to the helm of the craft, which aside from a wheel to steer the craft, is dominated by a control panel full of glowing buttons, switches, and sensors in an unfamiliar language, that John guesses is probably some kind of elvish. Unlike the language in Sanctum, it does not accommodate his mind. Something brushes past John, and he startles as he realizes it is an indistinct humanoid shape. A scant handful of others are starting to move around on the deck, preparing it to launch, as Vriska prepares the craft for departure from her place at the helm. They do not seem to be other sleepers - they are more like faint and shadowy impressions of others she remembers on the ship.  
  
Overhead, a canopy of shimmering sparks appears over the ship, and the fin-like sails flap and roar to life with an ethereal wind John cannot feel, coursing with reddish ripples of white light that race along the hexagonal segments that make it up. He gawks, walking down onto the deck, and shrinking away to let the automaton-like shades impressed by the theatrics, and looks over to Vriska. She grins as the ethereal wind kicks up her hair, chest heaving with excited breaths. He heads back up to the helm, and comes to stand near her. 

John: alright, vriska. you got me, i am actually impressed. very impressed! this is cool!  
Vriska: *She does not even seem to notice him, deeply into what she's doing as the ship lurches, and starts to move.*  
John: uh, vriska? *he snaps his fingers next to her face.* are you there?  
Vriska: *Snapped out of her reverie, Vriska shakes her head, and looks over to him, startling, but then relaxing just as fast.*  
Vriska: Oh, right. Right. Heeeeeeeey, John.  
John: what was that?  
Vriska: Good dream, I guess.  
John: i guess so.  
John: so... how are we getting out of this cave?  
John: is there a back entrance somewhere that leads out to the ocean?  
Vriska: No, there is not. Get ready; We're going _down._  
Vriska: :)

The ship begins to move down into the waterline, and John rushes to the railing, looking down as the ship sinks. 

John: D:  
John: uuuuuuuuuuh, Vriska? 

>Dave: Recap 

Dave doesn't spend long on the roof swinging his sword around. He doesn't technically have a lot on his plate, but based on what Roxy said about everything that's going on, he should probably at least start snooping around and figuring out what the hell is going on. He briefly recaps what he knows about their predicament, both the pros and the cons.

Dave: *number one theyre not completely real*  
Dave: *the consequences of this are mysterious so far other than the fact that it makes it so that he has a hard time getting the government to pay him*  
Dave: *it also makes it so he has an easier time sneaking around*  
Dave: *number two devas aren't jazzed about them being around*  
Dave: *so while they will attack they dont seem to be actually too keen on killing or capturing*  
Dave: *the one they fought was probably just*  
Dave: *playing around with them?*  
Dave: *dunno*  
Dave: *maybe testing is a better word*  
Dave: *didnt his name say something about testing or something*  
Dave: *how did they like*  
Dave: *figure out his name anyway*  
Dave: *he didnt say it out loud or anything he sort of just*  
Dave: *walked up slowly and down smash*  
Dave: *pretty much wavedashed right out of heaven and into their hearts*  
Dave: *or more like into their asses*  
Dave: *he doesnt really know where hes getting these memes from they sort of just are like*  
Dave: *get beamed right out of memespace and into his noggin*  
Dave: *like a kiss from a deva*  
Dave: *mwah*  
Dave: *okay hes getting distracted here*  
Dave: *number two*  
Dave: *wait fuck*  
Dave: *he already said number two*  
Dave: *or thought number two*  
Dave: *heres number three*  
Dave: *he figured out pretty early on that he can sort of imagine things up here on sanctum*  
Dave: *at first he figured it was probably just some radical magic power he just bumbled bass-ackwards into after some kind of epiphany on the pirate ship while he was getting ogled by space pirates or something*  


>Dave: Imagine up some unreal air 

Dave takes a run toward the edge of the roof, and jumps, pulling a skateboard out of the ethers, the likes of which he's seen some folks a little younger than him using. It's a little like surfboarding, actually, so it suits him just fine. And then, he escapes from above, grinding off the edge of the building, and taking a flying leap, taking his bogus skateboard up with him. He aims for the cluster of tenement stacks where he's been renting his apartment, preparing to investigate.  
  
Behind him, a tall slender figure stands up on another roof, watching him disappear into the sky through red lenses. 

>Dave: Regard location of residence 

Dave: okay so i dont know much about magic or devae except for basically the summary that i just got finished giving roxy  
Dave: but maybe i can find some clues for rose to study later  
Dave: sounds like shes got the whole sorcery investigation thing on lock with creepy uncle guy  
Dave: note to self find out more about creepy uncle guy and realm lord profiles in general  
Dave: anyway i can probably go visit her via the stairs  
Dave: well just have to keep it short i guess so we dont incite another impromptu wrestling match with an even angrier even hunkier and more naked warrior god  
Dave: next one will probably just be like a sumo guy lets be honest here  
Dave: slappin his big feet down as he sort of squats at us menacingly in a taintchafingly tight loincloth  
Dave: motherfuckers expectin us to all throw down with him but we just book it out of there again  
Dave: *dave continues to talk to himself pretty much the same way until he glides up and lands on the wall of the apartment*  
Dave: *hes pretty sure this is the right block but it definitely doesnt look exploded*  
Dave: *he looks around*  
Dave: ok so i guess the wall is fine  
Dave: *he flips through the wall so hes standing on the inside of it leaving behind a grody ectoplasm blot on both sides of the wall and walks down the other side into his apartment  
Dave: *the light turned off automatically like it was supposed to after they left the room but*  
Dave: i guess he just kind of  
Dave: came back in and tidied the place up after he served us so hard  
Dave: damn serving us up our own asses and then tidying the place  
Dave: this guy should give up being a space cop and become somebodys butler  
Dave: damn you could eat off of this floor dude was thorough  
Dave: guess i probably better report back to hq and give rose the 10 4 on this then 

>Dave: Stairs 

Dave disappears from his apartment down the abyssal stairs.  
  
A blot of darkness drips out of the wall from the puddle he left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 has not even come close to answering all of the prompts from the last chapter: Chapter 10 will answer at least one of those prompts (and hopefully more - we'll get to see some more Roxy next chapter, I hope.)
> 
> Please stay tuned for more tomorrow morning :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to me that I forgot to put a link to the Discord in the notes yesterday. Here it is: https://discord.gg/5Y7kTSf

>Roxy: Visit your local library and OBTAIN LORE 

Roxy doesn't really want to spend all day sitting around and having things explained to her by girls, boys, and various and sundry other sources of information, but Dave did recommend the big huge library in the middle of town to him, and he might as well at least scope it out, since it's on his way to where he's going. He's already been to the hub one time, so travelling there again on the Abyssal Stair should not prove to be exceptionally difficult. He concentrates on his memories of the hub, and steps down the stairs.

THE HUB  
==Administrative Capital District== 

Roxy steps out of the Abyssal Stairs and onto a set of somewhat more regular stairs, amidst thronging crowds of tourists, business-people, and average workers going about their business around the city. 5 concentric traffic circles connected to each other by on and off ramps spread out from the dead center of the city where an immense fountain surrounded by greengrass lies, grand with many jets spraying water in impressive interlocking shapes and displays.  
  
The whole place is serene and stately in magically clean white concrete, blue glass, and mannerly floral and arboreal gardens. Around the edge of the central circle is an administrative complex of truly titanic proportions, broken up by avenues for exiting the central promenade.  
  
Equidistant from each other around the circumference of the promenade are five spires - the largest buildings in the city by a wide margin, each towering many thousands of feet high, past the clouds and into heaven - spears of glass and steel and concrete that contain many hundreds of record rooms, offices, warehouses, and communications centers to facilitate the central bureaucracy of Sanctum.  
  
Located at East is the Capital Spire, the tallest of the five. At the top, Parliament deliberates on the fate of the billion inhabitants of the City of the Most Serene Republic, though now as at most times there is no Parliament in session. 

Roxy: *roxy slips thru the crowds all phantomlike and makes his way towards one a the big interactive directory boards w/all its shiny shiny infos, n starts interacin with it  
Roxy: *lotsa em are always available for use since theres most people who are are in the hub are probably there all the time and don't need too much directions, he guesses*  
Roxy: *library's in the nw tower, so he prints out some directions and heads that way to scope the place out*  


It's kind of a long walk. Following traffic circle directions and crossing at appropriate times, he makes his way out from the middle of the promenade, toward the Civil Archive. He could probably float over there, or use the stairs again, but it's probably safer to walk at this point. Here in the administrative district, there is likely to be additional surveilance, and he would be wise to avoid drawing attention to herself by violating the laws of reality too much.  
  
As he approaches the Spire, it slowly takes on the perception of being like a weird curving plane extending up out of sight, and off nearly out of peripheral vision on both sides. Luckily as it is only nearly noon, the sun is not yet overhead and so the tower still casts its shadow on the other side. He can enjoy the rays of sun pouring down on the promenade, which he does with great enthusiasm.  
  
Here in the Hub and its immediate environs, the climate is much better modulated than in the further out sections of the city, and the whole place is balmy and temperate like almost summer late spring on a windless day.  
  
Once inside the Northwest Tower, he finds himself in an expansive atrium, well-lit by big glass panes that allow sunlight to stream in from outside. Information desks are staffed by clerks directing traffic here and there to different elevators which ascend through the main central shaft, which extends up through the whole core of the spire, titanic load-bearing pillars running up through the many many floors at intervals around the base of it. Smells of food and drink fill the air, a cafeteria near one end of the atrium providing for the worldly supplication of the thousands of staff members and daily visitors to the spire.

Roxy: *man all those fresh + savory smells are good*  
Roxy: *ghostly metabolism b damned, hes never gonna get tired of how much goddamn food there is here*  
Roxy: *n he believes he is goin 2 have some rite now*  
Roxy: *smell basically lifts him off his feet n makes him float toward the source*  
Roxy: *he heads over to the cafeteria and buys what may*  
Roxy: *in point of objective fact*  
Roxy: *be the greatest thing in the universe*  
Roxy: *a cheap greasy burg w/fresh veggies*  
Roxy: *om nom nom*  
Roxy: *if he never has to eat another roast fish in his life it will be 2 soon*  
Roxy: nom nom  
Roxy: *he does that one out loud js for good measure as he gets into an elevator and pushes the button 2 get where hes goin*  
Roxy: *he finishes scarfin down his burg by the time hes upstairs to the libary, n throws the paper wrapper in a recycle bin, headin to wash up before he gets down to bizness*  
Roxy: *book peeps prob do not take too kindly to greasy ragamuffins getting dirty mitts on their books :3*  
Roxy: *then he heads out of the washroom and starts looking around to familiarize herself with the library and maybe grab some books 4 later.*  
Roxy: *probably the metaphysics and the dark sciences so he can start 2 get a hang of how the world actually works now that he has access to some mad sources yo*  
Aranea: Hello there. You're related to Dave, aren't you?  
Roxy: *roxy nearly jumps out of his skin as the stranger addresses him.*  
Roxy: bwah!  
Roxy: *he whirls to look n sees the snippiest of bookshrews addressin him*  
Aranea: *The lady who addresses him is slight, lithe, and monochromely colored with a short, fashionably girlish white haircut, grey skin, and pitch-dark, shiny eyes behind white-framed cats-eye glasses. She wears a cerulean blue dress with a black sash, and a pair of bright red shoes with long white socks.*  
Roxy: whore you?  
Aranea: My name is Aranea, and let me guess... you're the Prince? You'd have to 8e. Dave's 8rother.  
Roxy: hmm??  
Roxy: oh! yes - im totes daves brother dirk. sup?  
Roxy: (hehehe)  
Roxy: howd u no its me?  
Aranea: *She keeps up a relaxed, friendly smile.*  
Aranea: The old man told me I could be on the lookout for some associates of his, giving me a handful of portentous titles to work with along with a what details he could make out from his prover8ial tea leaf readings. He was certain you two, the Seer, and the Rogue would make your way here to the archive eventually, and asked me to help facilitate whatever studies you all decided to engage in during your... undertaking. He hasn't clued me in to all the details of it, but you can consider me an ally.  
Roxy: ick  
Roxy: no offense 2 u, aranea, but i kind of hate that he has us on lock like that  
Roxy: lord caledoodle jus keeps gettin creepier  
Aranea: His prognostic8ive a8ilities can certainly be frustrating to work around, particularly 8ecause of the way he prizes his privacy, I'll admit. It can often feel like you're part of a particularly one sided relationship, as he maneuvers you into mutually beneficial arrangements with his other associates and subordinates in a tight orbit around himself, never interacting with him personally except through 8rief hurried meetings in pre-arranged locations.  
Aranea: Like any Realm Lord worth his salt, he weaves his plots with the skill of a spider arr8nging her we8.  
Roxy: or like a creepy puppetmaster danglin all his gross + terrible fake floppy men around  
Aranea: Another suita8le metaphor.  
Aranea: *She brings a thumb and a finger to her chin in a troubled expression.*  
Aranea: Although I don't know how I feel about 8eing compared to a gross, terri8le, fake, floppy man.  
Roxy: wow just waitin until u and rose get in the same room together  
Roxy: it will be an unfathomable _cascade_ of wordiness :3  
Aranea: Hahahaha. Sorry, I know that I can tend toward over-exposition. I'll try to keep it to a minimum and just focus on answering your questions.  
Roxy: alrite aranea, hows this for a first question  
Roxy: what kind of person has white hair, grey skin, black eyes, and pointy ears? :O  
Aranea: The answer to your first and second questions are: An elf, and I am one. 

She then proceeds to give an exposition not dissimilar to one which we have already observed. 

Roxy: huh :O  
Aranea: I'd be happy to give you a more extensive dissertation on the Elves - our different families, martial and scholastic traditions, relationships with other races, romantic dynamics... As a matter of fact, I'm kind of having to work hard to restrain myself from doing so.  
Aranea: 8ut one thing at a time. What's your next question?  
Roxy: hmmm  
Roxy: alrite... how bout this one?  
Roxy: can u help me find a good book on the basics of asuras?  
Aranea: I'd be delighted to. I can tell you the fundamentals on our way over to the correct section of the library. I'll assume you know little to nothing a8out them.  
Aranea: *She leans in conspiratorially as she leads Roxy out of the grand entrance, and through the halls and corridors of the expansive li8rary.*  
Aranea: (He intim8ed o8liquely that the 8 of you are from an uncontacted world, which technically m8kes this whole oper8ion illegal, 8ut I'll pretend I haven't figured that out.)  
Aranea: At the dawn of time, when the Four and the Seven cooperated with one another to create a realm in the Midst of the Yawning Gap - that is to say, our universe, the Midst - they also called forth many lesser gods to facilitate the Opus.  
Aranea: These gods were in four families, two families each representing one extreme axis of one of two cosmic alignments.  
Aranea: Since we're talking about the Asurae, we'll gloss over three of them. On one of the two cosmic axes, the axis of the Wild we find the Fae, who embody the vivifying forces of the cosmos - the Green, if you will. Opposite them are the Animoi, who represent the dynamic and awesome physical forces of the elements - the Red.  
Aranea: And on the other Axis, we first find the Devae, representing the forces that give order and structure to the universe - names, laws, categories, ideals - the White Force.  
Aranea: Finally, we come to the Asurae, who embody possibility, uncertainty, change, and potential. The Blue Force.  
Aranea: The Asurae are capricious and whimsical beings of the Abyss - the infinite yet infinitesimal realm of Dreams and Memories that contains the collective subconscious of all living things. According to scripture, it is also the realm where the dead reside either until they undergo dissipation, reincarnation, or some other fate which remains the speculation of theologians.  
Aranea: According to scripture, when the High Gods were calling forth the other gods into being, the Asurae answered the call unbidden, and the High Gods rewarded them with names, and told them the secrets of art and craftsmanship to teach to the mortals who would inherit the Midst. It is for this reason that they are sometimes called the Unbidden.  
Aranea: Due to their chaotic nature, it is difficult to classify Asurae categorically, but there are some shared qualities that most have in common with one another.  
Aranea: The Asurae are fiercely independent, and instead of aligning themselves according to hierarchies as the Devae do, or according to inscrutable strength-based pecking orders as the Animoi do, they tend to arrange themselves in temporary and loose confederations according to shared interests and concerns.  
Aranea: They are superior creative minds and talents who make whatever they want, and are consequentially inclined to reward mortals who win their favor with boons of superior magical property and mundane craftsmanship, even as they tend to spite mortals with curses and geases purely to amuse themselves, giving them their reputation as dangerous and untrustworthy wish gods.  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah Sovereign War 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah the Catastrophe! 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Roxy: mhm?  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah Old Night 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah Watcher Controversy 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah the Nephilim 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah many many deaths 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah Signatories of the Contract 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah The Intermezzo 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah Rise of the Elven Empires  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah paying attention? 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Roxy: oh yeah.  
Aranea: 8lah The Enemy of All Life 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah many many deaths 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Roxy: huh  
Aranea: 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah  
Aranea: 8lah aaaaaaaah, here we are. These should suit your purposes well, particularly if you want to find out some basic facts, summaries, and stories about some of the more well known Asurae.  
Aranea: *She clim8s a ladder, and slides down a row of books, pulling out a couple suitable tomes entitled, "The A8ridged Asurad" and "Theonomicon Vol. 4" - both large square books several hundred pages long.  
Aranea: Do you have a book bag?  
Roxy: ...  
Aranea: Dirk? Mission Control to Dirk.  
Aranea: *She snaps her fingers several time in front of Roxy's eyes.*  
Roxy: oh! yeah. soz. i was just thinkin  
Roxy: rly deep about all those interesting things u had 2 say.  
Roxy: squirrelin em away in my strider boy mind palace  
Roxy: settin em on tables and shelves so l8r, when i want to peruse em i just have 2 go lookin for the right memory touchstone  
Aranea: Ah! A superior mnemonic device. Maybe if we get the chance to spend some time together on a more... informal 8asis... you could teach me?  
Roxy: oh! aranea, believe me u are totes byotiful and interesting but im _hells_ of gay and it wouldn't work out  
Aranea: Oh!  
Aranea: *She 8lushes, grey cheeks flushing dark.*  
Aranea: Mr. Strider! I didn't mean to imply that my interest was romantic.  
Roxy: u didnt have to imply nothin sweetheart ;)  
Roxy: *wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk*  
Aranea: *She bursts into laughter, slapping her knee, and then coughs, stifling it and returning to a li8rary voice.*  
Aranea: You are a strange and funny man, Dirk.  
Roxy: yeh i have my masculine wiles. neway, if i got ur question rite, u want to know if i have a book bag  
Roxy: the answer to which is i do not  
Roxy: bc im pr sure this is my first time ever @ a library?  
Roxy: (we dun exactly got books on my world just stinky fish and endless oceans and unfair rules i got 2 fight against thru subversive rimes n stories)  
Aranea: (In that c8se, we'll get you signed up for a li8rary card, and 8uy you a backpack from the gift shop and you can check out.)  
Aranea: *She starts heading back to the entrance of the li8rary, this time just keeping up some small talk, and walks Roxy through the process of registering.*  
Roxy: *which he does, filling it out in the name of dirk of clan strider - it is the perfect crime!!!*  
Aranea: *And then she takes him to the gift shop and helps him select a backpack stylized with the "Civil Archives of Sanctum" insignia.*  
Roxy: c u around, then, Rainy. ;)  
Aranea: So long Dirk. May fortune favor your studies.  
Roxy: *roxy dips, and heads toward the exit of the nw spire* 

>Roxy: Steal some shit 

Now equipped with a backpack, Roxy is prepared to embark on her next outing in the hub: liberating at least one interesting treasure from what will surely be the largest trove of illegal goods in the whole city. That will show those high-faluting government stooges. 

Roxy: hells yeah it will  
Roxy: *department of contraband is in the se tower, all the way cross the promenade, so its another long walk through the crowds.*  
Roxy: *its in the ministry of justice*  
Roxy: *hopefully theres not like ten thousand devas around*  
Roxy: *still its on the 420th floor so*  
Roxy: *booyeah* 

The Atrium of the Southeast Tower is similar to the Atrium in the other tower, but this one is full of protesters - angry unruly crowds supporting various political causes, arrayed in designated areas, watched over by a small handful of vigilant Devae, and a small force of armed and uniformed city watchmen in olive drab fatigues, carrying rifles.  
  
Some demand rights for those dependent on government stipend. Others, recognition for the disenfranchised. Some, expanded political rights for citizens. But the different sections of the crowd seem to lack any unity or center. 

Roxy: :(  
Roxy: (hope everything turns out okay for em.)  
Roxy: *he'd join in the protesting but he doesnt really know what shit's about and he has important stuff 2 do*  
Roxy: *he snakes through the crowd toward one of the pillars and starts floatin up thru the building.*  


Luckily it seems through a combination of your ghostly insubstance, and the Devae's preoccupation with the crowds, they do not seem to notice you. I mean Roxy. They do not seem to notice Roxy.  


Roxy: *whew*  
Roxy: *its a long way up.*  


Roxy ascends through the central shaft, until he reaches the 420th floor, and floats around, looking for the right place to enter, then floats through the wall into a dim, expansive warehouse full of rows of shelving and crates marked with stencil .* 

Roxy: *ok gots 2 find somethin good n maybe useful? oh... bet theres shitloads of weapons in here to grab. and maybe some magical lewt? hed better get a good weapon, considering theres mad staxe you*  
Roxy: *he tries real hard to become invisible 4 real, n slip out of sight*  


Roxy slips out of visibility, and into a shadowy half-light. As he becomes invisible to prying eyes, so too does the world become muted and blurred, colors fading to grayscale and the ambient sounds of the spire coming in as though he is underwater. 

Roxy: *eenteresting*  
Roxy: *he keeps lookin*  


Disappointingly, Roxy does not immediately find anything he deems to be particularly valuable by Sanctum's standards. Much of what is kept here is stolen goods and what appear to be evidence held for cases.  
  
However, after some time of searching, he finds a selection of sleek black rifles in a box labeled as such.

Roxy: *jackpot*  
Roxy: *he picks one up, and holds it overhead one-handed.* 

hell yes! 

A short way off, there is a racket, over in another rank and file. 

Roxy: :O  
Roxy: *roxy sneaks invisibly over there, floating above the ground.* 

Something has knocked over a large crate, now open on the ground. Suddenly, there is movement as another form scampters down one of the aisles, skedaddling away at high speed on all fours. 

Roxy: (omgs!) :DDDDDD  
Roxy: *roxy hurries to find dis four legged cutie at all goshdarn speed!*  
Roxy: (what if its a contraband animal that got loose!) 

His quarry bobs and weaves through the aisles rapidly, but with his ghostly speed and agility, he is able to keep up. His heart pumps excitedly. The chase is on.  
  
He feels exceptionally feline. As he pursues, bounding around corners and along aisles, he realizes it is not an animal at all, but a woman, and senses a kind of playful energy in her. She is not frightened at all, but seems to think she is leading him on a merry chase. At last, he finds his chance, and corners her. The feline urge rises in him unbidden. He knows what he must do.  


Roxy: *pounce!*  
Roxy: *roxy rolls end over end, catching her and rolling along with her for a few tumbles, before pinning her.*  
Nepeta: :3 < *she stares up at him in surprise, and then breaks into a delighted smile.*  
Nepeta: :3 < oh wew! youre not a deva or a guard at all are you! youre a thief like me!  
Nepeta: :3 < wait! i know you!  
Nepeta: :3 < youre that mysterious boy who was in my house! 


	11. Chapter 11

>Dave: Inform Rose that your cover is potentially blown. 

Dave: *once dave finishes going over his room and checking to see that everythings in shape*  
Dave: *obviously he spends a little more time jamming out on his mini turntable*  
Dave: no lie i was going to be pretty pissed if a huge angry war god broke my expensive new gear  
Dave: alright  
Dave: rose is probably going to be pretty similarly pissed when she finds out that we already got attacked by a deva on basically day one of mission dont get attacked by a deva  
Dave: idk it was probably pretty much inevitable we were going to  
Dave: i mean thats rule number one of adventures right is that like if you hear youre being followed around by like some dangerous motherfuckers  
Dave: youre gonna have a brush with them by the end of like the first third of the story at least  
Dave: man thatd be nice right  
Dave: if like one third of the adventure was like  
Dave: the first few hours today  
Dave: damn son be back to normal by dinner time  
Dave: and we can like stay here and live normal lives or what passes as normal for like  
Dave: a city world  
Dave: okay time to go warn rose that the devas are more onto us than we thought they were  
Dave: *dave winds up and gets ready to take the abyssal stairs* Dave: *runs up the stairs and*  


Dave appears in the middle of a tranquil flower garden. All around are rose flowers. 

Dave: okay  
Dave: smartass abyssal stairs thats obviously not what i meant  
Dave: fine ill try to be more specific and think like  
Dave: rosier thoughts  


Another jaunt takes him to a bookshop. A third takes him to the outside of a tailor's. A quick, sneaky examination of both locations yields no Rose, although there is a woman who is beautiful otherworldly, face almost perfectly symmetrical, skin pale and opalescent, running the clothing store who he sees through the window. 

Dave: (mental note)  
Dave: (mack on later)  


>Dave: End up half stuck inside of something 

A fourth landing brings Dave back to his own apartment, and this time, he finds himself fragged into the wall. Luckily, since he is less real than it, it does not actually cause him or the wall any damage.

Dave: okay this is getting ridiculous  
Dave: roxy why didnt you warn me about the stairs  
Dave: they are like hells of capricious apparently  
Dave: alright, next best thing is probably to see if i cant find dirk  
Dave: odds are hes probably just magically up to speed on the whole situation anyway but on the off chance hes not  
Dave: also i could totally go for a sweet bro bump  
Dave: think i forgot to give roxy a hug while she was there which was stupid as fuck  
Dave: its been like two weeks since i touched someone that i actually know  
Dave: good on her for respecting my perceived boundaries though i guess  
Dave: ok, dirk thoughts, dirk thoughts, dirk thoughts

Dave falls through the abyssal stairs, moving his legs to keep pace with it, even though he's pretty sure at this point that the stairs are like a metaphor for something more fundamental and less stupid. It's still a catchy name. He focuses hard on memories of Dirk.  
  
He remembers going out in the boat with him for the first time during his thirteenth summer and net fishing.  
  
He remembers learning to surf and watching Dirk carving up the waves with the effortless grace of someone born to the ocean.  
  
He remembers freaking out the time Dirk kept moving all of the furniture in their house slightly further clockwise every day for a month to fuck with him, then reconciling after almost coming to blows over it.  
  
He remembers tending to Dirk's black eye with a damp rag after an especially rough fight with his Dad.  
  
He remembers sparring with Dirk, learning how to fight back against people who are stronger than him.  
  
He remembers Dirk sitting on the edge of an island cliff alone, looking out into the sunset, probably wondering what lies beyond their tiny world.  
  
Dave reaches a landing, and finds himself standing in a large, dim, cluttered room - a huge interior space for what is probably a warehouse. Along the short wall nearest to him is a huge furnace, hooked into the floor and the ceiling alike by many pipes, which appear to go out through the wall. All around are machine parts, along with one huge machine that is roughly humanoid in nature.

Dave: huh  
Dave: bro!  
Dave: its me are you around here  
Dave: you building sanctum style machines  
Dave: haha of course you are thats totally in character  
Dave: get the feeling you were basically born to build shit in a garage here just biding your time for the day when some pirate would spirit everyone away to a place your talents arent wasted 

A shadowy figure slowly silently approaches Dave from behind as he babbles, creeping over the junk on the floor and then beats him over the head with a blunt metal object. 

Dave: uu  
Dave: *he goes out like a light* 

ko'd 

This shadowy figure, smaller than Dave, starts dragging him away by the collar of his shirt. 

>Nicolas Caledonius: What are you up to? 

We cannot yet see what Nicolas Caledonius is up to. He is after all a man who values his privacy. At least, we cannot see what he does not choose to reveal. Let's see what he chooses to reveal to Rose Lalonde. 

Rose: *Rose walks back upstairs, having acquired the package from her patron from the bellman downstairs. It is addressed, but to the address of the shop instead of to her personally. She has nevertheless been expecting its timely arrival.*  
Rose: *She opens the package. Inside, are 8 handheld mobile communication devices, each with a different color applied to it, along with a sticky note attached detailing for whom it is meant.*  
Rose: *Handheld mobile communication device is somewhat unwieldy terminology, and luckily she already knows the correct slang term for these is "mobile".*  
Rose: *She selects the purple one from the box, and switches it on, following the instructions she was given to navigate to a communications application called Cacophony, which it comes pre-loaded with. Her account has already been set up, and she has a friend request, which she quickly accepts, and opens a private message to him, which the client calls a Note.* 

>Rose: Send Notes to your Patron 

_Cacophony Notes_  
This is the beginning of your Notes with @tacticianThaumaturge.  
Rose Lalonde: I received the devices at the appointed time and place. So I suppose this means we'll be able to keep up with each other at a much more regular interval?  
TT: Alas, it does not. I'm not only a private fellow, but a busy one as well, and while I'd love to spend all day shooting the breeze with an intelligent young lady such as yourself,  
TT: believe me, I really would,  
TT: I'm simply swamped.  
TT: You know how it is.  
Rose Lalonde: I don't think I do know how it is, considering I have never practiced more than what amount to paltry magics or helped to administrate the affairs of a world-island.  
Rose Lalonde: Fortunately, I have a pretty good imagination and am apparently a destined seer, so I'll take a guess.  
Rose Lalonde: I predict that your desk is cluttered with paperwork and arcane inscriptions, and you are currently doing at least five other things on whatever device you're using to communicate, which I predict is a cogitator instead of a communicator.  
TT: Close. It's a coffee table.  
TT: I find that a lived-in, domestic environment is much superior to a professional office, both as a workspace, and as a venue for hosting guests on the rare occasion that I am afforded the opportunity to do so.  
TT: And I predict that you do too, contingent on a second, prior prediction that you have chosen to make yourself comfortable in front of the fireplace upstairs on Bleeker Street.  
Rose Lalonde: Was that a guess, or magic?  
TT: A lucky guess. I like to consider myself a student of human character, among many other things.  
TT: I hope you don't think my guess is presumptuous, although I'm about to make another lucky guess that you do.  
TT: You just strike me as rather the sort of person who would get along with cats.  
TT: A creature of comfort if you will.  
Rose Lalonde: You're right that it comes across as presumptuous.  
Rose Lalonde: And a little creepy.  
TT: Not so good luck. Will you forgive me for one more bit of presumption?  
Rose Lalonde: Are you going to say what you're going to whether I forgive you or not?  
TT: Ha Ha.  
TT: I suppose I am going to.  
TT: You should strongly consider selecting a text color you find favorable.  
TT: As well as a customized username rather than just going by your actual name.  
TT: As you become connected with more members of my network of associates, group communications will likely start to get longer and more complicated.  
TT: Having a shorthand method to tell who is talking at a given time, such as color for example, helps to prevent confusion.  
Rose Lalonde: I'll consider it.  
TT: I've instructed another of my associates to link up with you immediately. She's a tailor. You should go visit her and get prepared for tonight. I'm sending you an invitation to the event now.  
TT: In the meantime, I have one more prediction for you.  
Rose Lalonde: Magic, or another lucky guess?  
TT: Magic this time.  
Rose Lalonde: Should I be more concerned about magical surveillance by you, or your uncanny knack for guessing minutiae about my behavior?  
TT: If I am right, you should be able to store those mobiles in a fairly safe space.  
TT: As I have already explained, you and your friends are "tinted" by the Abyss. Tinted blue if you will.  
TT: This should give you access to some powerful magic which would normally be inaccessible except to practiced sorcerers.  
TT: Try to store one of them "nowhere," and then retrieve it.  
TT: This form of magic is called Banishment.  
TT: Please excuse me, another of my associates has started sending me notes. I have to get back to him, and then back to work.  
TT: Good luck, Rose.  
TT: Oh, and by the way;  
TT: The last question you asked is a very good question.


	12. Chapter 12

>Vriska: Crash this ship with no survivors! 

Vriska does not do that. Instead, as John panics at the railing, she holds steady on course, heading down into the abyss - in as many senses of the word as is probably possible. First, there is the sinking of the ship into the waters of this cavern. They slowly rise up around the vessel, and while the field of energy surrounding the ship negates the drowning and soaking power that water and Nothing have on mortal forms, the waters of the cave float up around them nevertheless, casting everything in a strange light. Second, as the ship floats downward into the waters, and everything takes on the surreally bent waterlight, they are travelling through the realm of dreams and memories - the Abyss from whence the Asurae came unbidden. Third, even if it were not a dream, Vriska's skiff is no mere ship. It is a voidship.

John: *john looks around in wonder as the ship sinks deeper into darkness, running to the other bow, and emoting excitedly kind of like this:*  
John: !  
John: !!!!!!!!  
John: *he looks over at the helm, where vriska is in the zone, and walks over, grinning.  
John: vriska... this is a magic ship isn't it.  
Vriska: Good guess, John. It's not only a magic ship, it's a voidship. They're _very_ tricky to make. It's something of a lost art, actually, but my people - my city - we remem8er it. We still know how to make them cheaply and easily.  
Vriska: Legends say that even 8efore the war, we were a8le shipwrights, with a special dispens8ion for navig8ing the intractable waterways of the A8yss.  
Vriska: 8ut since then, my ancestors perfected it. It's how we stay off the radar of nosy jackasses like the Realm Lords and the Emperor, and stay out of trou8le until we're ready to 8e in it.  
Vriska: *She 8eams. Girl can never resist a chance to 8oast. Why 8other when you can live up to the hype?*  
Vriska: As a matter of fact, come to think of it, there's an off chance that if we're _preposterously_ unlucky, we could get plowed right out of this dream by my _real_ ship.  
Vriska: Which would pro8a8ly wake us up? *She shrugs.* Ah well. That'd be like a one in a million chance.  
John: Alright, I know I said I was impressed before about the ship and the stories and everything but this is actually really cool. So... this ship actually sails around underwater instead of on it?  
Vriska: Not just under the water - under the _universe._  
John: huh?  
Vriska: Eh, don't worry a8out it. I'm not going to lecture you on metaphysics. My sister might if she were around, so you're in luck. Just think of it like a 8ig ocean that is under every world. My magic ship can sail to any world in the universe through it, or from any 8ody of water into any other.  
John: now see, that is just the sort of condescending explanation that my primitive barbarian brain can understand. thanks.  
Vriska: I don't like to see myself as a person who makes things too easy for the weak, 8ut you're welcome, primitive 8ar8arian John.

Neither of them says anything for a minute. Then, they start laughing at the same time. 

Vriska: Hahahahahahahaha  
John: hehehehehehe  
Vriska: *Vriska relaxes for a minute, hair floating behind her in the Nothing surrounding them. Her face softens.*  
Vriska: Th8nks for snapping me out of that lousy dream. I don't like to owe people favors, 8ut when you owe one, you owe one.  
Vriska: This is a much 8etter memory to 8e dwelling on while I'm dormant.  
John: what? you don't owe me anything, vriska.  
John: it's just what friends are for.  
Vriska: _I_ decide when I owe some8ody one, so don't try and spurn my gratitude, human. *She smirks.*  
Vriska: Also, where do you get off calling us friends? You'd never met me in your life. We were in a fight for our lives and you wouldn't fight 8ack until you figured out we were dreaming. That's not friendly, that's dangerous. You're going to get yourself killed if you're ever in an actual skirmish like that.  
John: that's... true! i guess i just find that the best policy is to try and be a friend to everyone. it makes life go a lot smoother.  
Vriska: Well, if you want my advice, which you should, 8e more careful. You can't reason with everyone in this universe. When people find out who you really are, some people are going to h8 you no matter what you try and do to make them happy, 8n't no two ways about it.  
John: hmm... well no offense but that's shitty advice. i think i'm going to go right on trying, and you can try your way, and we'll see whose way works out better for them in the end.  
John: hey! look over there!  
John: that's my island!  
John: i'd recognize that silhouette anywhere!  


>Nicolas Caledonius: Get back to your other associate. 

_Cacophony Notes_  
These are Notes between you and @twinArmageddons  
TA: hey 2o ii got tho2e mobii2 2ent two the dead drop thii2 morniing and iim gue22iing they got two where they were 2uppo2ed two be?  
TA: the network between them ha2 all the 2ecuriity feature2 you a2ked for 2o you 2houldn't have any unwanted or uniinviited gue2t2 two your 2uper 2ecret conver2atiion2.  
TA: ii mean, unle22 theoretiically, that 2omeone el2e wa2 2omehow a better programmer than ii am  
TA: 2o yeah.  
TA: you 2houldn't have any.  
TA: dude are you there?  
TT: Yes, hello.  
TT: Apologies, my attention is especially divided with this latest project.  
TT: Lots of balls in the air, plates spinning  
TA: don't 2ay iiron2 iin the fiire don't 2ay iiron2 iin the fiire don't 2ay iiron2 iin the fiire  
TT:Lots of  
TA: do not do it  
TT: Wheels in motion.  
TA: thank you.  
TA: you know you can be a really iintolerable priick 2ometiime2 2o thank you for managiing two re2traiin your2elf for once.  
TT: You are, as always, welcome.  
TT: In any event, thank you for setting up the network. I trust your workmanship, and of course, I'm not the sort of person who ought to be fiddling around with the settings behind the latest gadgets.  
TT: So thanks for humoring an old man.  
TA: oh what a load of bull2hiit. we both know you're a2 tech 2avvy a2 anyone and hone2tly wiith all your realm lord power2 you could probably techniically make a 2tronger network anyway.  
TA: 2o ii'm not really 2ure why you're botheriing me.  
TA: a2 a matter of fact, for a guy who liike2 hii2 priivacy 2o much, you 2ure do liike two meddle wiith people.  
TA: alway2 fu22iing and buggiing and meddliing. what'2 your deal?  
TT: Relax Sollux.  
TT: Maybe I gave you the job because I know you like to do it, and I don't mind owing you a favor.  
TT: Isn't that a sufficient reason for a Realm Lord to offer a job to one of his more talented constituents?  
TT: Maybe you are as insufferable as you make yourself out to be? Is it too much to ask for a couple of intolerable fellows to carry on an unusually tiresome conversation with each other once in a while?  
TT: Maybe I am not such a control freak that I feel the need to manage the minutiae of all those irons in the fire you brought up myself?  
TT: Maybe I just value you as a person?  
TA: ok. well, thank2 then iif any of tho2e thiing2 ii2 true. 2orry for flyiing off the handle there.  
TT: It's no trouble. I always come into our conversations prepared.  
TT: Unfortunately, I'm probably about to ruin your day.  
TT: Tonight is one of those rare occasions things might get too hot to handle.  
TA: how hot?  
TT: I've got a wicked headache about it.  
TA: great.  
TT: I was hoping you might bring your other set of talents to bear tonight.  
TA: FUCK.  
TA: you know ii hate doiing what ii wa2 made two do more than about anythiing el2e iin the world. ii2n't there 2omeone el2e that you can get two be your stooge twonight?  
TT: If there were, I wouldn't ask you to do it. The fact of the matter is, I'm hedging my bets.  
TT: Not that I am now, or have ever been, a betting man.  
TT: This whole operation is very important to me. I can't say for a matter of fact that I will even need your help. But I need to be at this event tonight, and my danger senses are tingling.  
TT: Having an Artillery Devil on the playing field will be a useful advantage even if it turns out you don't have to do anything and it turns out this bad feeling has nothing to do with my plans.  
TT: And you are the only Artillery Devil who is also my friend.  
TT: I'm sending you the invitation now.  
TT: Come. Or don't. It's up to you.  
TT: I hope I see you there, Sollux. 

>Dave: Be the other Strider 

Dave cannot be the other Strider for a plethora of reasons. The first of which is that he is currently sleeping with all the skillfulness of a stone. The second of which is that the other Strider is already busy being himself. The third is that we're _still_ not doing that.  
  
In any case, Dirk is busy being himself at the moment, which as anyone who knows him knows, is what he always does at all times.  
  
Another thing he's being is a combination of weary and pissed, which is a similarly common state for him. He stands in a dim garage, across from a huge furnace and parallel to a roughly humanoid machine, looking at Dave, who as previously established, is out like a light, drooling on his own chin, an angry welt forming on the back of his head. Fortunately for him, he doesn't appear bleeding or anything, and doesn't seem to be concussed. 

Dirk: Dude, get out here.  
Dirk: I know you are a hundred percent behind this.  
Dirk: Look at this ridiculously cool dude you just brained for no reason.  
Dirk: No, come over here. Stop sneering at me from the shadows, you're not a goddamn cat.  
Dirk: You fucking knew this guy was my brother, look at his hair.  
Dirk: Why would you do this?  


An extraordinarily cranky looking young man emerges from the shadows, dressed in a black work shirt, pants kept from falling off his thin body by a pair of suspenders, carrying a crowbar. He has sort of an androgynous appearance, with smooth blonde hair. Actually, he looks kind of like a young David Bowie. Or Tilda Swinton. Not that those names mean anything to Dirk. But they are meaningful to us. 

Caliborn: HE WAS TRESPASSING IN MY SECRET GARAGE. AND IN ADDITION. IT WAS DARK. HE GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM FOR SNOOPING AROuND WITHOUT ANY LIGHTS ON. IF THIS WAS YOuR MAN CAVE. WHEREIN YOu PERFORMED YOuR MECHANICAL WORK AND EXPERIMENTS. FAR FROM THE PRYING EYES AND CLOYING PRAISE OF YOuR SISTER. YOu WOuLD DEFEND IT WITH THE SAME RIGHTEOuS FERVOR.  
Dirk: *Dirk facepalms with both hands, trying not to think about what a headache Dave is going to have when he comes to.*  
Dirk: You are fucking impossible. 


	13. Chapter 13

>John: Try and sail this ship 

As the Big Island comes into view, John heads over to the helm. 

John: do you mind if i sail for a little while?  
John: i know the waters around the island pretty well - i used to sail around a lot with my pals.  
Vriska: Then I defer to your expertise, John. So, sure. Go ahead. T8ke the wheel, and just kind of spin it around some to try and get a grasp.  
Vriska: Just for the record though, I'm only letting you 8ecause this is a dream, and you can't actually accidentally wreck my real 8oat 8y running it aground or something.  
Vriska: *She takes his hands, and sets them on the wheel, helping him get accustomed to its shape.*  
Vriska: Alright, go nuts.  


John sails around in the deep water further beyond the island for a while, getting used to the steering. She shows him around levers for acceleration and breaking too near the wheel. 

Vriska: So what kind of a name is John, anyway?  
John: I guess it's just one of the names my people had - my clan I mean. Lots of J names. Like my sister Jane, the Princess that I mentioned.  
John: James, Jacob, Joel, Joe, Joy, June, Jill... man... I wonder how many of my other kinfolk ended up getting scooped up along with us by your piratey relatives!  
Vriska: Why are you so sure that the pir8s who sn8tched you 8re rel8d to me, anyway?  
Vriska: *She seems pretty sour about the implic8ion.*  
John: i don't know! it's just this feeling that i get! your ships and armor seem the same.  
John: Anyway... I'd tell you what my people are called to answer your question, but we just sort of called ourselves... the people. Which now that I'm thinking about it more, seems kind of dumb and silly?  
John: I guess when you're living on an island in the middle of a vast ocean, even though you know there are other people in the world, it can feel like you're the only ones. But my world I guess is called Eszett.  
Vriska: Eszett, huh? That sounds familiar.  
John: It does?  
Vriska: Yes it does but... it's kind of hard to remember. And I'm not sure if that's just 8ecause we're dreaming right now, or if it's 8ecause it's from some 8oring irrelevant history lesson, or some com8in8ion of 8oth of those things.  
John: Huh! I guess... that's kind of a weird coincidence?  
Vriska: *She shrugs her shoulders.*  
John: *he looks around at the clouds and the sky, and thinks for a second.*  
John: hang on, i have an idea. is it okay if i take us somewhere? it's another memory of the island, and i think if i think about it, i might be able to take us there?  
Vriska: I think dreams are a little harder to navig8 than you're pro8a8ly making them out to 8e, 8ut sure! Give it a shot!  
John: *he spins the wheel, and pushes the acceleration, speeding up the ship. it lances over the surface of the water towards its destination, kicking up a wake behind it, sails rippling with energy as he scoots it around the island toward a spot from what he's pretty sure is an important memory. suddenly, the ship lurches, throwing him from the wheel and tossing vriska across the deck.*  
Vriska: Aaaaaaaargh.  
Vriska: *She hops to her feet, running over to the railing.*  
Vriska: We hit a reef! Gr8 jo8, genius!  
John: wow you're light on your feet.  
John: and hey! aren't you the person who just said it wasn't a big issue if i crashed the ship?  
Vriska: Still kind of a 8onehead move!  
John: it's where we need to be, anyway. i'm pretty sure this is the reef i was near in my memory.  
John: *he starts undressing, taking off his shirt and pulling down his pants.*  
Vriska: *Vriska recoils, jumping.*  
Vriska: John!!!!!!!! What the fuck has gotten into you!  
John: i'm going for a dive, come on. 

>John: Dive 

John finishes stripping, showing off a body that ripples with lean muscle from hard years sailing, swimming, and exploring the island with his kith and kin, and throws his dream clothes to the deck of the ship, leaving him standing in swim clothes not from his handful of days on Sanctum but from his years on Eszett, and disappears over the port side with a majestic leap that surprises Vriska, splashing into the deeper water off the side of the reef. 

Vriska: *She looks over the edge of the ship, eyes following him down, ashen cheeks darkening.  
Vriska: *She grumbles, and starts taking off her longcoat and cuirass to follow him in.*  
John: *john splashes down into the water and opens his eyes, long acclimated to the sting of salt water, pushing through the water past dream phantom fish, toward the reef.*  
John: *he swims up above the waterline, and takes a big gulp of air, ducking back into the water to dart toward an outcropping, where he manages to get some footing on a slimy rock.*  
Vriska: *She follows him, keeping her head a8ove the water, and finally catches up, treading water near him.* Where are you _going_ in such a hurry so suddenly!  
Vriska: Wow, and I thought elves were flighty! Hahahaha.  
John: there's something i want to look at from a memory... something i just thought might be important suddenly. but i don't think it's the right time. the clouds don't look right and the sun's not at the right angle. this probably isn't even the right day!  
Vriska: SPEAK UP! THE WIND AND WAVES ARE SO LOUD, I CAN 8ARELY M8KE OUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!  
John: OH SORRY! HANG ON A SECOND. I'M GOING TO SEE IF I CAN'T CHANGE THIS TO THE RIGHT MEMORY!  
Vriska: I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW THIS WORKS, THE DREAMS KIND OF DO WHAT THEY-  


>John: Remember 

The wind in the dream flutters to a stop, and then rises to a gale force around John. It is not the wind of his memory, but the ethereal force of the dream changing around them. The clouds billow rapidly, and the sun and moon rise and set a handful of times as the clock changes and John thinks about the days that go by.

Vriska: *Vriska's mouth hangs open as she watches.*  
Vriska: (Woah.)  
John: *the dream finishes its transformation around john, revealing a sky filled with grey clouds and another sea breeze. it looks like late afternoon, and about to rain.*  
John: *john opens his eyes and looks around.*  
John: ok yes. this is the right day.  
Vriska: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?!!!!!!!!  
John: *john squints, and points up into the sky.*  
John: THAT!  
Vriska: *She squints, and then her eyes slowly widen.*  
Vriska: What is _that?_

>Nepeta: Continue being cute 

As Nepeta possesses an unusually high cuteness attribute as an intrinsic quality, she manages to succeed at being cute pretty much effortlessly, and she will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Nepeta's cuteness is a fact that I am stating for the record; that does not mean that fawning is what is taking place here.  
  
The young woman underneath Roxy clears her throat after the two have sat in that position for an uncomfortably long moment. 

Nepeta: :3 < um... excuse me mister, but you are sort of squishing me!  
Roxy: omg! im so sorry hang on lemme help you up  
Roxy: *roxy ghost jumps to his feet, and takes the girls hand liftin her 2 her feet*  
Roxy: sorry for totes pouncing u but i got excited for the chase!  
Nepeta: :3 < thats okay! h33h33 :3 - that is exactly what i would have done in your purrsition.  
Nepeta: :3 < im nepeta by the way its very nice to m33t you.  
Roxy: oh gosh ur like  
Roxy: the _cutest_ thief i ever met :#)  
Roxy: u got to be my stealsis  
Roxy: i have got deez cool ghosty powers that let me get around but u seem like u got here all by yourself no question  
Nepeta: :3 < sure! we can be stealing buddies!  
Nepeta: :3 < and actually its not that hard believe it or not!  
Nepeta: :3 < i break in here all the time to find out what cool and weird stuff the city watch and the devas managed to take away from smugglers and robbers  
Roxy: :D :D :D :D  
Roxy: (omg)  
Roxy: (so cool!)  
Nepeta: :3 < to be quite honest, i dont think they miss the things i take, since i only take little things that look nice. i actually got a lot of nice expensive paints here recently for my drawings.  
Nepeta: :3 < dont ever let any of them hear i said this, but actually i think the devas are nice big softies and i bet they let me get in here on purpose. i got caught once by one and he scared the bejeebers out of me, because theyre so intense!  
Nepeta: :3 < but then he just gave me a slap on the wrist and said not to do it again.  
Roxy: o relay :?  
Roxy: interestin  
Roxy: very interestin indeed  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta walks as she talks, leading the way to a better lit part of the room to check out her loot. with better light, you s33 she is a winsome and petite but athletically built girl who cant be far into adulthood, a little younger than roxy, wearing tape up and down her arms to reduce wind drag, but wearing a badly oversized hoodie. she is carrying a mysterious golden gauntlet, with a big dial on the back of the hand, that she puts onto her hand once shes in the light.* Nepeta: :3 < hm?  
Roxy: hmmmmmm  
Nepeta: :3 < what!  
Roxy: nuthin!  
Roxy: that is just good 2 kno =3=  
Roxy: wassat  
Nepeta: :3 < space glove!  
Nepeta: :3 < apparently it is a magic but doesnt do anything by itself. it can only absorb powers from cast near it! i heard about it listening to city watch scanners and the news media  
Nepeta: :3 < i thought it would be the kind of silly useless junk the devas wouldnt miss if i decided to add it to my collection ;3  
Nepeta: :3 < *she wiggles her fingers.* wow! it fits snug as a bug in a rug!  
Nepta: :3 < *she wiggles the fingers on both hands, now!* _magic_ :3  
Roxy: omg nep ur cuteness  
Roxy: i cannot even  
Roxy: u makin me los the ablty to can  
Roxy: girl u got to come with me  
Roxy: im going on an adventure  
Roxy: tryna save da world  
Nepeta: :3 < well... i dont know about right now. *this seems to give her paws for the first time in the conversation.*  
Nepeta: :3 < theres this guy who doesnt like me stealing so much and he gets real worried about me whenever i do!  
Roxy: what! lame >:I  
Roxy: dont listen 2 dat guy  
Nepeta: :3 < hes my best friend though! and we take care of each other.  
Nepeta: :3 < hes just this big silly worry wart who will want to know im okay.  
Roxy: _...alrite!_ *he squints, hella suspish like*  
Roxy: but it snds  
Roxy: liek ur best friend mite be  
Roxy: a big square =u=  
Nepeta: :3 < oh definitely :3  


A door opens at the far end of the warehouse, and someone walks in holding a flashlight, yelling for both to come out with their hands up. 

Nepeta: :3 < shit! its the fuzz! we gotta get outta here!  
Roxy: oh i totally got dis  
Roxy: take my hand nep.  
Nepeta: :3< :?  
Roxy: ;3  


stairs!


	14. Chapter 14

>Thing in the sky: Fall 

The colossal thing that John and Vriska are looking at does not fall. Instead, it hangs in the sky much in the same way that bricks don't. Shrouded in clouds, and far off toward the horizon, yet of such proportion as to be visible even from a great distance. It is like a devilfish in shape - one of the cephalopods that rarely swim out of the deep on Eszett, or beach themselves in death like alien things from another reality.  
  
From this great distance, the two can only make out its faint outline - in spite of its huge proportions, it might be described as slender and graceful, having a long, dartlike body, from the base of which long, serpentlike tendrils extend, coiling slowly with the glacial majesty intrinsic to particularly large things, such that they appear to be moving slowly relative to their own great size even when their absolute speed is quite great. A billowing dark cloud spreads from it in all directions, the edge approaching them and the ocean at an alarming rate. 

Vriska: That is some seriously 8ad juju. It gives me the hee8ie-jee8ies just looking at it.  
John: yeah. that's what i was hoping i could get a better look at since i think i'm starting to understand how this dream stuff works after screwing around with you for a little while.  
John: when i first started this dream, it was because i went under after taking some drugs that my uh  
John: clown master gave me so that i could start practicing dream walking  
Vriska: Taking drugs from a clown. Fantastic discretion. How can such a 8onehead have such an apparent talent for the mystic arts, anyway?  
John: quiet you!  
John: anyway, this is one of the last really important things that i can think of that happened... pretty much right before we got kidnapped by pirates i think.  
John: i'm not really too sure what it means, but it seems like it's probably important because it's weird!  
John: it's going to get real misty in a second when that cloud gets here.  
John: what do you think it is? you're like a universe travelling adventurer from the sound of things, so i thought you might know what to make of it.  
Vriska: *Vriska is visi8ly interested, 8ut also disquieted.* Nuh uh. I mean... it's not like any dragon I've ever heard of, which is the only thing I can think of that might 8e 8ig enough.  
John: dragons are real!? and _that_ 8ig?!  
Vriska: You really are in the dark a8out a lot, aren't you?  
John: yes! aargh! until basically two weeks ago i didn't even know gods were a real thing.  
John: let alone dragons and elves!  
John: but that thing isn't one, i guess? not a dragon or a god. probably not an elf.  
Vriska: Don't think so. But it gives me a 8ad 8ad vi8e.  
Vriska: I do not feel good a8out staying here to watch what happens when that cloud gets here in a minute, even knowing this is a dream.  
John: alright. i guess i will come back another time when i'm alone.  
John: *he takes her hand, and the dream dissipates back to the grey nothing of dreamless sleep.*  
John: you seem like you have rotten enough dreams without me making you relive some of my weird memories. i think i should probably see if i can't wake myself up soon anyway, and try to get back to important real life business, instead of fooling around in dreams, anyway.  
Vriska: *Vriska has relaxed a lot.* Yeah same, pro8a8ly. This ship 8n't going to run itself, 8eing a Captain is delicate work, and I usually keep it to short power naps.  
John: anyway, thanks for your help. i think i did learn one thing from this dream which is that something extra weird is going on here. if my hunch is right, and that flying thing has something to do with all of the shenanigans going on,  
John: and that flying thing gives even a seasoned universe adventurer like you the willies  
John: then this seems like more than just a cut and dry curse - there's some kind of weird explanation for why this curse happened to me and my kin... and my world, i guess!  
Vriska: *She smirks excitedly, sensing a plot unfolding.* Sounds to me like you have a real mystery to solve.  
Vriska: Who knows? It's seeming kind of interesting, so may8e if we somehow run into each other again here in the Dreaming, you can keep me filled in. May8e someone with my autonomy and resources could 8e useful in helping you solve it? Seems like the sort of quest that is going to involve some kind of serious magic, and you know what they say a8out ru88ing up against power.  
John: maybe i will.  
John: so.  
John: *he smiles at her.  
John: guess i better wake up now.  
Vriska: *She gives him a flirtatious smile back.*  
Vriska: Guess you 8etter.  
Vriska: Do you know how?  
John: i guess i don't! *he looks around.*  
John: maybe you could help me with your universe-trotting expertise?  
Vriska: *She gives him a cheeky smile.* As a matter of fact, I happen to know a universal remedy for waking yourself up from a dream if you're lucid.  
Vriska: *In a flash, she dreams up a sword and runs him through.*  


>John: Wake 

John wakes with a start from his dream, yelping. He touches his chest where Vriska dream-skewered him to find himself in one piece, and then chuckles. 

John: whew. just a dream.  
John: hehe. guess she got me back pretty good for beating her earlier in the dream.  
John: *he looks around the room.* 

He is sitting in Gamzee's trailer once again lying in a floor poof. It is still bright outside, suggesting it's probably only the early afternoon now that he's awake. Lucky, he supposes. He still has a lot to do today. And in general apparently. He supposes he has one more thing to add to his list of quests now - check back in with Rose and find out just what the heck is going on, because she sure does seem to know. Still, he'd better be careful and spread out his visits. He has Devas to worry about.  
  
His face feels sticky. 

John: *he gets up and looks for a mirror. he's got a bad feeling about this.  
John: oh god damnit.  
John: *his face is all made up in the white greasepaint used by the clowns, giving his face a grim and threatening aspect.*  
John: i'd better go talk to the ringmaster.  
John: *john heads outside, not bothering to deal with the makeup right now.*  
Gamzee: *soon, he runs into gamzee, who is all up and practicing his juggling in the courtyard.*  
Gamzee: Oh Yo! HeY tHeRe NeW fRiEnD :o)  
Gamzee: GlAd To SeE yOu FiNiShEd Up GeTtInG yOuR bEaUtY rEsT oN. yOu HaVe A gOoD dReAm, MoThErFuCkEr?  
John: sort of! i actually had a pretty bad trip at first, but then i figured out that i was dreaming! and i could control the dream! and i think i saw some important visions? it was cool if kind of disturbing! i think i met a space travelling elf who was also dreaming, and she might have been a crafty pirate who has something to do with all this!  
Gamzee: WoAh, ReAl ShIt? SoUnDs LiKe YoU aLrEaDy GeTtInG rIgHt ThE fUcK uP iN tHiS mYsTeRy QuEsT's GrIlL tHeN. mY bIg BrO iS gOnNa Be HeLlS oF pLeAsEd To HeAr ThAt RiGhTeOuS nOiSe.  
John: right. i need to talk to him. wait. kurloz - the ringmaster - he's your brother?  
John: not just like, your monk brother or something?  
John: i assume you clowns are actually like some kind of monk, right? like the kind that goes off into the wilderness to become a hermit and think about god and stuff.  
Gamzee: HeHeHe, YeAh ThAt SoUnDs AbOuT rIgHt To Be ThE sOrT oF tHiNg WhAt To SaY aBoUt ThE pLaCe OuR hEaRt'S uP iN. aNd YoU tOo NoW tHaT yOu A hOnOrArY oNe Of Us :o)  
Gamzee: BuT yOu CaN't TaLk To HiM rIgHt NoW. hE's BuSy. LiKeS tO gO iNtO hIs TeNt SoMeTiMeS aLoNe WiTh MeUlIn To KnOcK oN tHe SkY aNd LiStEn To ThE sOuNd It MaKeS, oR sOmE pIoUs ShIt LiKe ThAt. )o:  
John: dang. well tell him that this whole experience was kind of unsettling, but that i'll definitely be back for more lessons in the future.  
John: starting with finding out what he meant with all those riddles he's all up in talking to me.  
John: bluh. i mean all these riddles he's talking in.  
Gamzee: *He GiVeS aN eXtReMe SlOpPy SaLuTe InTo A tHuMbS uP, sMiLiNg PlAcIdLy.*  
Gamzee: YoU cAn CoUnT oN mE tO dElIvEr YoUr MeSsAgE bRoThEr. MaYbE i'Ll Go On A dReAm QuEsT wItH yOu SoMeTiMe MySeLf.  
Gamzee: Aw MaN, i'M sO pUmPeD aBoUt ThAt... I mIgHt HaVe To GeT mY hUg On WiTh YoU, bRo.  
John: *john recoils slightly in horror, gritting his teeth as gamzee goes in for a hug, half-heartedly patting him on the back as the smelly giant of a clown embraces him. friends are friends, but this is still a little too close for comfort.*  
John: heh. thanks gamzee.  
John: i better go now. i have places i have to go, and people i have to see.  
John: *once gamzee breaks the hug, john crouches down, and then jumps into the sky again, hurtling up into the air, until with a bang, he disappears through the abyssal stairs.*

>Nepeta: Collect the infinity gems!

Nepeta cannot collect the Infinity Gems. Sadly, Nepeta exists in a context in which she and the Infinity Gems are mutually fictional from each other's frame of reference. However, right now she is having the time of her life, as she hurtles through blinding nothing with a new friend. Roxy lands the two of them at Nepeta's house. 

Roxy: *roxy sets em both down a short way from the shanty*  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta sets down on all fours, before standing upright again.* Roxy: ta daaaa!  
Roxy: i assume this must be the house you were talkin bout earlier, rite? dis ur place?  
Nepeta: :3 < yes! wow33! that was some magic trick! *she claps her hands excitedly.*  
Nepeta: :3 < you are not only a thief! youre some kind of wizard thief, like some kind of arcane trickster!  
Roxy: yissssss :D  
Roxy: i am def some kind of radical dream wizard who destiny dumped into your lap to be the greatest stealsis in history :3  
Nepeta: :3 < you mean stealbro :?  
Roxy: i got so totally carried away with how awesome this is, i completely forgot!  
Roxy: i don't normally look like this, im under a curse from an asura  
Roxy: it changes my gender every day. its kind of confusing and it can get real easy to forget what pronouns i'm going by on a given day but im tryna keep it consistent. it's exhaustin!  
Nepeta: :3 < wow! what a petty curse to put on a person! thats such a silly thing to do to someone.  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta blushes brightly thinking about the implications.*  
Roxy: ikr! me n my sis, who is even more wizardly than me because shes taking lessons from a creepy uncle, think she might have put it on me bc she wants 2 jump my bones or somn  
Roxy: it's kind of a distraction from the main quest bc we're like tryna find a way to fix our ghostiness.  
Nepeta: :3 < oh my goodness!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta holds still and sits listening, purring, and smiling placidly while roxy paces around and around, explaining.* Roxy: i know, rite?!  
Roxy: neway, i thought... maaaaaaybe if we're gon 2 be steal siblings... u'd like to help me on this quest? ;3  
Roxy: idk why i trust u so much right out of the gate, but ur just clearly such a good person its like dis overwhelmingly chill vibe i get about you.  
Nepeta: :3 < h33h33h33! what a sw33t thing to say :3c  
Nepeta: :3 <youre like the nicest person ever, i cant wait to introduce you to equius :3c  
Roxy: wait is dat a trick of the light or r u some kind of kitty girl? :O  
Nepeta: :3 < *now in the better light of the outside, especially with the rain having cleared up, roxy can tell that nepeta is not at all a normal purrson, but indeed some kind of kitty purrson! with whiskers, paws, and a pair of tall pointy ears that make tents in her oversized hood.* i guess i am kind of like a kitty! im a du though!  
Roxy: ????  
Nepeta: :3 < huh?  
Nepeta: :3 < have you never heard of a du before?!  
Roxy: nuh uh. tell me of ur ways!  
Nepeta: :3 < oh! well... hm. i dont know where to start!  
Nepeta: :3 < i guess... were these... people who have a lot in common with animals both in how we look and how we act! rrgh. i would just tell you to ask equius when we go visit him but hes kind of a stuffy guy and a little bit of a racist! he doesnt mean it badly but he just has kind of outdated ideas about the way things work.  
Roxy: hmmm. whys this guy your best friend again?  
Nepeta: :3 < shut up :3  
Nepeta: :3 < shut up is why.  
Roxy: so were gonna go see him?  
Nepeta: :3 < mhm! we should. oh boy, im so excited :3c - hes going to be sooooo mad when he finds out i have a new stealing buddy h33h33  
Roxy: u seem like u just like gettin a rise out of this guy!  
Nepeta: :3 < maybe i do! maybe he n33ds somebody to remind him what life is like out in the str33ts.  
Nepeta: :3 < first though, im going to eat some snacks from my stash. you want some?  
Roxy: no way, i just ate a burger n im rly regretting eatin that much. our ghostly metabolisms don't need much.  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta helps herself to some tough looking meat strips from her stash that are probably jerky, and sits across from roxy, who has made himself comfy on a box in nepeta's little dwelling, and observes him.*  
Nepeta: :3 < *it occurs to roxy that for all of this young lady's boundless energy, nepeta is observing him with a fairly critical eye.*  
Nepeta: :3 < so youre some kind of ghosty person?  
Nepeta: :3 < you don't seem like any ghost ive ever heard of.  
Nepeta: :3 < i guess you seem like a friendly ghost if you are one.  
Roxy: eeeh, im not a dead person or nething its kind of confusing to explain.  
Roxy: and probably relies on a working knowledge of metaphysics  
Nepeta: :3 < im smart! try me :3  
Roxy: i already explained it once today so lemme give u the short version.  
Roxy: me n my peeps got scooped up to here by sum pirates  
Roxy: and were under a curse that makes us less real than usual so we have ghosty powers and probably some negatives that i don't know about yet.  
Roxy: but the point is were tryin to become real again.  
Nepeta: i s33! you seem real enuff to me.  
Roxy: thx! i feel real enough.  
Nepeta: *nepeta finishes her snack, and gets up, stretching.*  
Nepeta: :3 < alright, well we'll see what equius thinks of you.  
Nepeta: :3 < he might be kind of a stupid jerk sometimes but i think youll find he has a really good sense for when someone's a good person.  
Nepeta: :3 < i wanna see if my space glove can do the same magic you just did to take us to his house! hold onto my hand?  
Roxy: ooh, great idea :)  
Roxy: *roxy takes nep's ungloved hand, offered to her.* take us there :3  


>Nepeta: Snap and see what happens 

Nepeta raises her gloved hand, and snaps her armored fingers. She and Roxy vanish with a bang. 


	15. Chapter 15

>Dave: Wake up with a motherfucker of a headache. 

I'm sorry, but Dave can't do that. He is too busy being ko'd.  
  
Instead, let's see what Dirk is up to, since they happen to share pretty close proximity to one another. 

Dirk: *Dirk sits next to Dave, who he has tucked under a blanket in one of the two hammocks that he and Caliborn frequently occupy in the lab overnight.  
Dirk: *And by frequently, he guesses he means more like a week tops.*  
Dirk: *For such an irascible guy, it turns out once you get to know him, he's not such a bad guy.*  
Dirk: *Alright, kind of a volatile wild card, and could definitely use some guidance, but hosting a stranger you met working at the dock in your secret lab out of the goodness of your heart probably qualifies a dude to be "not such a bad guy."*  
Dirk: *Doesn't stop him from occasionally braining a guy's bro though. Remember? Dude needs guidance.*  
Dirk: *Could probably stand to be a little more like his sister.*  
Dirk: *Dirk sighs, breaking his inscrutable cooldude facade for a minute.*  
Dirk: *Alright motherfucker of an incoming headache notwithstanding, it's not luck that Dave showed up here, and based on Caliborn's recounting of the events that led up to the aforementioned braining, he probably got here via the stairs.  
Dirk: *It's probably time he gets in contact with Jade again, just in case Dave is actually injured worse than he seems.*  
Dirk: *As the big island's wise woman in training, she'll definitely have some healing mojo available.*  


>Days ago 

But not many...  
  
Dirk Strider dreams. 

>Dirk: Dream 

Dirk rides his surf board through a dream. He's never been much for true sleeping - power naps are something of a lifesaver. He has things to do and people to see, after all, and when you're a fisherman's son, you have a lot of downtime. But even when he isn't sleeping, he dreams. It's a curious relationship he has had with the abyss since he was very small. As long as he can remember, Dirk has dreamed while awake. At first, he thought he might just have a vivid imagination, but the older he got, the more he realized that having access to another self - a self unbound by the rules of real life, able to recall sensations and experiences with exacting precision, and able to imagine possible outcomes of situations with the same vividness - wasn't the sort of thing that normal people get to enjoy.  
  
Surfing has been something of a solace to Dirk for just about 10 years. It's something that he immediately figured out he liked, and the older he got, and the more he understood why he liked it, the _more_ he liked it. He spends a lot of time _being,_ thinking, inside his own head, but when he's riding a wave, carving up some hellacious waves, clear as heaven, there's no fiber of his being that's available just to be. No. He becomes a thing of pure _act._ When Dirk is out in the ocean, navigating the waves, there's no time he feels more like _God._  
  
Today, the weather is a little strange. He's reviewed this memory a couple of times since he arrived here in Sanctum, and he doesn't have the additional context necessary to figure out why what happens next, happens next. He is out on the ocean, surfing. The weather is strange, because there is a huge billowing cloud approaching, shedding darkness as it comes closer and closer. It gives him a bad, bad feeling, and he senses something strange in the sky behind it. But then, as it spreads out, it rapidly approaches his position, shredding up the waves and then...  
The dream goes grey and white. Monochrome. And he can't make sense of what is happening anymore. It is as though the dream is thrown into chaos. Not the fun kind of chaos. Not the kind of chaos that is colors and mayhem. The kind of chaos that is entropy - that occurs as plants wither and die and return to the particles that make them up, the kind of chaos that occurs when a glass falls and breaks, and is no longer itself. The dream dissolves into monochrome and monotony, and he suddenly feels as though everything that possibly _could_ happen at the same time _does_ happen at the same time. An indistinct nothingness, a chaos of possibilities not quite realized. Actually, kind of like most dreams are, if you don't happen to be a lucid dreamer, and you don't happen to have vivid, extremely clear dreams like Dirk does, which makes this monochrome nothing that occurs afterwards so disturbing.  
  
The wind dies. The waves become glass. Everything is cast in half-hearted grayscale. And he can't remember what happens next, until the pirates attack. It isn't as though there's nothing that happens next. Actually, no matter how hard he tries to "fast forward" through what happens next, he cannot reach a point at which this particular memory isn't the same grayscale chaos blah.  
  
Dirk tries another avenue. This one takes him down, down, down. He heads toward a point in memory that he felt... summoned to, without any kind of frame of reference on his first night of sleep here in Sanctum. He surfs down, down, down, through the blackness of the waters of a memory of his home, into another ocean, into an ocean of nothing, bottomless in depth, and down into a trench, into a pit, from which nothing can return.

>Dirk: Walk into the tomb. 

The command sets his teeth on edge, just like it did the first time he was summoned. He is a man who is comfortably familiar with himself, and as a result, he senses when a voice that is not his own is inside his head, even when that voice is as familiar as his own, like a voice he has heard his entire life - but now, amplified by proximity, loud enough that he can hear it out loud, instead of like background noise. His surfboard disintegrates, and he falls, falls, falls, until he settles with a "piff" into the soft ground outside the cyclopean mausoleum which dominates the bleak landscape at the bottom of the bottomless pit.  
  
The Voice in the Tomb resonates, rolling around and around in the ashen caldera surrounding the cubic monument of obsidian, irritating him as it worms its way around and around as a loud foreign presence in his subconscious. It repeats the same command over and over and over. Walk into the tomb. Walk into the tomb. Walk into the tomb. Curiosity drives him toward the entrance to the place, itself a vaulted arch from which faint corpse light glows, and he gazes into the abyss.  
  
But before the abyss can gaze back, a faint voice, saying something short, interrupts the loud voice, which continuously speaks without beginning or end.  
  
And the little voice says: 

Calliope: hey! don't go that way!  
Dirk: !!!!  
Dirk: *Dirk swivels on his heel, imagining up and drawing a sword, even though the sword isn't real, and his body isn't real, and his new company probably isn't real either.*  
Dirk: *Or hostile come to think of it.*  
Dirk: *Still doesn't hurt to come prepared.*  
Dirk: *The longer the instant lasts, the more he realizes that his company _is_ real. Unlike every other specter of memory he's ever encountered, this one seems to be acting truly autonomously. He almost weeps.*  
Dirk: *Except he doesn't because that would be profoundly uncool.*  
Dirk: Oh my God.  
Dirk: Are you real?  
Dirk: Like another actual person.  
Dirk: You're like me, aren't you?  
Dirk: A lucid dreamer, I mean.  
Calliope: i am! :U  
Calliope: *the figUre across from him stands shroUded in the darkness native to the bottomless pit, which is not helped by the fact that she wears an ashen grey travelling cloak remarkably similar in coloUring to their sUrroUndings.*  
Calliope: *she beckons him over to follow her.*  
Calliope: please come this way! yoU've got to follow me!  
Calliope: whatever yoU think is happening right now, it isn't!  
Calliope: there's no one in there yoU want to talk to.  
Dirk: *Dirk sheathes his sword, or... unimagines it, or whatever, and starts heading over toward her. Or him. Or whoever. Actually, the voice sounds remarkably familiar.*  
Dirk: Who are you?  
Calliope: *she takes off her hood.* 

Standing before Dirk is an androgynous young woman with smooth blonde hair, who looks remarkably cheerful given her bleak surroundings. Actually, she looks kind of like a young Tilda Swinton. Or David Bowie. Not that those names mean anything to Dirk. But they are meaningful to us. 

Dirk: Caliborn?  
Calliope: oh! yoU know my brother?


	16. Chapter 16

>Dirk: Converse 

Calliope leads Dirk away from the tomb, to the edge of the ashen caldera, and walks off of the soft white-grey ground and into the indistinct blackness beyond it. 

Dirk: *Dirk hesitates momentarily at the edge of the dream or memory of the Mausoleum, less out of fear than out of curiosity. For all his familiarity with lucid dreaming, there are still some things that he's unfamiliar with, and shared dreaming probably operates on some additional rules.*  
Calliope: what's the hold Up? yoU are coming, aren't yoU?  
Dirk: Yeah.  
Dirk: Just orienting myself.  
Dirk: *He lifts one foot, and puts it down outside the caldera, in the utter blackness. It holds up his weight.*  
Dirk: Huh.  
Dirk: *He jogs to catch up with her, and then walks alongside her.*  
Dirk: So how does this work exactly?  
Calliope: how does what work? yoU mean oUr chance or not so chance meeting here in the realm of dreams?  
Dirk: I do mean that. I've never met another dreamer before. I didn't even know you... _could_ meet other dreamers.  
Calliope: to whatever extent yoU can say we are "here" we are in a location called the abyss, sUrroUnded by Nothing, the chaosstUff of possibility!  
Calliope: where all things that coUld exist bUt do not, all things that might have been bUt were not to be, and all things that might yet be bUt are not yet exist concUrrently with one another even if they are mUtUally exclUsive possibilities!  
Calliope: it is the great record where all memory and imagination are collected, where the dead walk in memory and share dreams with the waking world!  
Dirk: Sounds tight.  
Dirk: Then this is the afterlife?  
Calliope: it is!  
Calliope: it is also the abode of the collective sUbconscioUs of all living things.  
Dirk: So at the risk of sounding like my brain is smoother than is probably usual for a human being, what is a tomb doing in the abode of the dead?  
Dirk: That dude back there double dead or something like that?  
Calliope: i can't say mUch aboUt him i'm afraid, nor do i get the impression that i oUght to do so even if i knew more. sUffice to say from what i have gathered in my time as a lUcid dreamer, he is a very ancient and very evil man who likes to whisper nasty lies to whatever dreamers and shades whose ears he can bend.  
Dirk: So what's a nice girl like you doing hanging around a bad dude like him?  
Calliope: i was aboUt to ask yoU almost the same qUestion!  
Calliope: ah, hang on a moment. i think i've foUnd a mUch more pleasant dream for the two of Us to converse in.  
Calliope: *calliope pUshes open a "door" in the "wall" of the nothing aroUnd them, and leads him into a vividly bright and coloUrfUl memory. they now stand in a meadow fUll of bright red flowers. pUre white horses frolic not far away from them. on the horizon is a city of many spires, verdant in color.*  
Calliope: splendid! this is mUch better. i wonder whose dream this is, or was?  
Dirk: *Dirk is immediately and uncharacteristically distracted from his train of thought by those majestic fucking beasts. Holy shit. Both of his dark, triangular glasses reflect the glory of them.*  
Dirk: Hell  
Dirk: Fucking  
Dirk: Yes. Calliope: :U ???  
Dirk: *He walks cautiously over to one of the huge beasts, and extends a hand.*  
Dirk: Any chance you happen to know what these things are called?  
Dirk: I have had dreams of these things for years.  
Dirk: There aren't any of them on my homeworld, so I sort of figured I must have just imagined them.  
Calliope: oh! they're called horses, and yes, they're qUite real!  
Dirk: For the second time today, you have nearly brought me to tears, dude.  
Dirk: *He pats the horse in front of him, first with one, then with both hands.*  
Dirk: Fucking incredible.  
Calliope: i'm glad you think so! hehehe.  
Calliope: they are qUite splendid, i sUppose.  
Dirk: Anyway, we were going to answer each other's mutual question before I started flipping the fuck out about horses.  
Calliope: sUrely.  
Calliope: i spend a lot of time deliberately seeking the place oUt while i am asleep and patrolling its perimeter withoUt coming within the hazardoUs radiUs in which i might fall victim to his whisperings.  
Calliope: i've been doing so for a little less than a year now.  
Calliope: i discovered it while... being a bit nosy i sUppose yoU coUld say.  
Calliope: please don't tell him i told yoU bUt it was at a time in oUr lives - my brother and i - that was particUlarly dark and hopeless, and he spent his waking hoUrs in increasingly foUl moods, while i was doing my best to sUrvive the period.  
Calliope: we didn't get along very well then, so i decided to snoop on his dreams and see what he was dwelling on.  
Calliope: night after night, i followed him down here, and he would walk, zombielike, into the tomb.  
Calliope: and something aboUt it reminded me in the worst way of... someone i don't want to talk aboUt almost more than i don't want to talk about the Voice in the Tomb.  
Calliope: and there was a distinct pattern in things that he woUld repeat while awake that i came to believe were things that he was hearing in his dreams.  
Calliope: things like, "nothing is true, nothing matters, we're alone in this world, good gods woUld not create someone like me."  
Dirk: Not to cut you off, but that sounds like the most banal form of wannabe nihilism I've ever heard.  
Calliope: i agree >:U  
Calliope: bUt having it repeated to yoU ad naUseam can have an effect on yoU.  
Calliope: in any case, i cUt him off.  
Calliope: one night, i stopped him from coming to the tomb, and thoUgh it took a bit of fighting, we agreed to stop leaving each other to oUr own devices qUite so mUch, even if we didn't get along at the time.  
Calliope: admittedly we still don't really get along.  
Calliope: bUt we're family and we're facing oUr problems together.  
Dirk: Huh. So you just patrol around the place and try to stop other people from listening to Tomb Guy?  
Calliope: i do. it's hard, thankless work, bUt if i don't do it, i'm not sUre who will.  
Dirk: Well, I don't know about thankless. It sounds like Caliborn was probably on the verge of... giving up.  
Calliope: mhm.  
Dirk: As of right now, I've only known him for a few days, but I don't think I've ever met somebody with a greater zeal for life.  
Dirk: Although it's in his own sort of particularly cantankerous way. You know how he is. Kinda treats everything like it's a shitty puzzle he has to circumnavigate or an inanely difficult challenge he has to overcome, instead of doing it the obvious way.  
Calliope: hehehe.  
Dirk: But it seems like he's probably pretty grateful for what you did for him.  
Calliope: he's not the sort of person to go and say something like that outright so hearing it from someone else is... encoUraging. thanks.  
Dirk: *He strolls through the Poppy Field next to Calliope.*  
Calliope: by the by, i'm so focUsed on triage whenever i spot someone near the tomb that i don't believe i got yoUr name at any point!  
Dirk: Dirk Strider. And I guess you're Calliope.  
Calliope: pleasUre to meet yoU!  
Calliope: now sir i believe it is yoUr tUrn to tell me what yoU're doing down so far in the abyss!  
Calliope: it seems at least like yoU're not a regUlar visitor based on yoUr lack of obvioUs malaise and misanthropy.  
Dirk: Well don't give me too much credit right out of the gate.  
Dirk: But no, I didn't go in there. It's not the first time I dreamed of the Tomb though.  
Dirk: Actually I started having dreams about it almost as soon as I arrived here on Sanctum.  
Dirk: Seems like Tomb Guy wants an audience with me.  
Dirk: And it sounds like it's a good thing I didn't accept his invitation.  
Dirk: Not that I would have.  
Dirk: No offense to that guy, but his voice is kind of grating.  
Dirk: Just kidding, major offense to that guy.  
Dirk: Fuck him and the hearse he presumably rode in on.  
Calliope: hear! hear!  


>Dave: Dream 

Several days in the future, Dave is still out cold, and having interesting dreams of his own.  
  


Dave: *he looks around in his apartment block, trying to remember how he got here.*  
Dave: *oh right hes like going to go look for dirk and a deva just cleaned up this place super nice.*  
Dave: *except not that nice apparently?*  
Dave: *what the fuck is going on with these grody black footsteps on the carpet theyre like  
Dave: *ink or oil or something.*  
Dave: *they come from the door of the apartment and head inward so apparently someone got into his apartment.*  
Dave: *actually come to think of it theres like a bunch of footprints probably from a bunch of gross slime guys*  
Dave: *ok this is really weird this isnt how this went*  
Dave: *wait okay whats going on here*  
Dave: *oh yeah*  
Dave: *thats right he already looked for dirk and got cold cocked by somebody*  
Dave: *motherfucker*  
Dave: *okay so hes probably just asleep or dead*  
Dave: *except hes kind of ghosty so can he even die*  
Dave: thats a good fucking question i should remember to ask rose that when i finally run into her  
Dave: *he follows the footsteps over to his wall*  
Dave: *oh yeah he made this blot while he was awake but like now that hes asleep he can see through it and its like*  
Dave: a mirror  
Dave: *he reaches a hand toward the mirror blot and pokes a hand through it*  
Dave: *he pretty much instantly nopes out of that idea when reaching through into the mirror image apartment is like reaching his hand into the searing midday sun on the hottest most miserable windless summer day on eszett if there were no moisture in the air*  
Dave: *seriously it feels like god himself just like shot his hand an especially angry look for doing that*  
Dave: ive got a bad feeling about this  
HISSSSSSSSS  
Dave: !!!!  
Dave: *dave whirls around and brandishes his sword* 

Dave whirls and finds himself confronted with an indistinct and shadowy but definitely humanoid figure with blank white eyes that appears to be made of some of the same inky stuff that has been tracked on the floor.  
  
It raises clawlike hands and hisses at him again, taking a confrontational posture.  
  
Looks like it's going to be a fight. 


	17. Chapter 17

(Let's start using [S] before commands that have music associated with them, shall we? Clicking on that should add some suitable music to this fight. As a matter of fact, let's retroactively add [S] to the first strife as well for the sake of consistency. Sorry for the sloppiness, but it's been a minute since I've flexed my narrative muscles. Archival readers, did you know that >[S] Dave, Roxy: Strife did not originally have an [S] before it? Now you know.)

[>[S] Dave: Strife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz1bfhtKsHM)

Dave stands across his dream apartment from a Feral Shade, muscles tense. He wields one of the swords from his apartment, as the creature gnashes its teeth, bending low in an aggressive posture, and approaching him falteringly. For the front of cool bravado he puts up, as you know, Dave does not like fighting. 

Dave: stay back  
Dave: im warning you  
Dave: ive got a sword!  
Dave: its shitty  
Dave: and its sharp  
Dave: and  
Dave: and its a sword!  
Dave: HISSSSSS  
Dave: oh god damnit  


Not only does the creature not stay back, it charges Dave awkwardly, and lunges its whole body at him, physically throwing itself off the ground. The attack surprises him enough that he doesn't manage to dodge, and the malformed creature carries him through the blot, and into the searing intensity of the real apartment. 

Dave: oof!  
Dave: augh! get the fuck off me!  
Dave: *dave pretty much flips his shit at this point  
Dave: *he pretty much just flails his limbs in the shades direction*  
Dave: *holy fuck this thing is heavy and like weirdly limp*  
Dave: *its like a fuck awful slimy ambulatory cadaver*  
Dave: *he tosses it off of him and jumps to his feet*  


It gets back up awkwardly, and throws what might be charitably called an attack in his direction again, snarling at him. This time, he is ready, and dodges out of the way, swinging his sword at its thrown arm... which comes off, falling to the ground with a wet splat, and oozing oily protoplasm. It snarlss at him again, and picks up its arm. Then, it flees out of the apartment through the front door hastily, leaving gross footprints behind it.  
  
Dave is victorious! On a technicality at least. He finds himself standing in his now re-thrashed, the scuffle having knocked over a chair, and tossed some of his notes around. There also appears to be other interference, and other messy footprints on the floor, all leading to the exit. 

Dave: :I  
Dave: *dave tightens his grip on his sword back up*  
Dave: (fuck whys everything so bright and hot and loud out here this is awful)  
Dave: (is this what being a ghost is like)  
Dave: (fuck its like the worst ever hangover)  
Dave: (no wonder ghosts are always like so cranky in stories)  
Dave: *he advances on the door to the hallway which is partially open already*  
Dave: *opens it up*  
Dave: *heads into the unusually dim hallway*  
Dave: *floors filthy*  
Dave: *great thats comforting*  
Dave: hello  
HISSSSSS  
HISSSSSS  
HISSSSSS  
HISSSSSS  
HISSSSSS  
Dave: motherfuck 

>Days in the past again... 

Dirk and Calliope walk through the poppy field, heading toward the verdant collection of structures on the horizon just for the sake of having a landmark.

Dirk: Alright, next question.  
Dirk: So if this is the afterlife... does that mean that we might just... run into a ghost while we're here? Or like someone's dead soul, anyway?  
Dirk: Is ghost like the actual terminology for like, a dead person hanging out in the afterlife, by the way?  
Calliope: no, ghost is fine! i've heard shade, spectre, and wight as well.  
Calliope: and yes, we might rUn into the shade of some dead person while we're asleep, although i've found that it's infrequent enough Unless i'm looking for a dead person on pUrpose. and... i don't really have caUse to do so freqUently.  
Calliope: nor shoUld yoU! i have to strongly caUtion yoU against Using yoUr abilities to seek oUt the dead in yoUr slUmber or otherwise.  
Dirk: Why. Are they dangerous?  
Calliope: not the dead themselves no. at least, not UsUally.  
Calliope: they certainly can't actUally harm yoU in yoUr sleep except to give yoU bad dreams.  
Calliope: the only person who woUld be pUtting yoU in danger is yoU!  
Calliope: dreaming of the dead can be... i don't want to say addictive, bUt certainly compelling.  
Calliope: lUcid dreamers are already at risk because of the splendid dreams we can conjUre for oUrselves. caliborn isnt the only one to have strUggled with the dangers of dreams.  
Calliope: when i was yoUnger, i often foUnd solace from the hardships of oUr life in dreams and woUld spend mUch longer periods asleep than i really oUght to.  
Calliope: it was something of an escape to me  
Calliope: my poison of choice if yoU will, rather like alcohol or...  
Calliope: actUally by happenstance, there's a good illUstration right in front of Us.  
Calliope: this is a poppy flower. they're prevalent on some world-islands, especially warmer ones with drier climates  
Calliope: a poppy flower is a lovely flower with an interesting secret.  
Calliope: contained within the seed pod are many little black seeds, which are freqUently Used to bake these delicioUs little cakes  
Calliope: poppy seed cakes are notorious for making one very sleepy because they contain a drug which dulls the senses  
Calliope: pleasant dessert and a UsefUl aid for someone wanting to take a nap  
Calliope: when concentrated in high doses throUgh alchemy, they become morphine, which is a UsefUl bUt somewhat dangeroUs medicine Used to dUll the pain of sUfferers.  
Calliope: and more or less commonly into a drug called opiUm which gives one enormously vivid dreams and has at times been used as an aid by sorcerers hoping to dream lucidly and dowse secret information by exploring deep in the abyss  
Calliope: but one can easily become an addict on either opiUm or morphine even though there's nothing intrinsically harmful aboUt either. they are very easy to abUse.  
Calliope: lUcid dreaming especially aided by sorcery is mUch the same way - the deeper one drinks of the waters of sleep, the more enticing it can become to remain asleep for longer and longer  
Dirk: Gotcha.  
Dirk: So especially if you're using dreams to visit the souls of departed loved ones, you could waste your whole life away wandering around down here.  
Dirk: Laying around in a dreaming den somewhere like a crack addict toking for broke.  
Calliope: precisely.  
Dirk: Luckily I don't have any departed loved ones.  
Calliope: that is fortUnate indeed.  
Dirk: Still, useful info to pass onto Jade once I bump into her again. She's sort of alluded to the idea that she might be a lucid dreamer like me, although we've never had the luck of bumping into each other down here.  
Calliope: Oh! She is! We quickly discovered each others' abilities after we met!  
Calliope: wait. Dirk: Wait.  
Calliope: yoU know jade?! Dirk: You know Jade?!  


>Dirk: Skip back to the present, contact Jade 

She's a lucid dreamer like he is, of course, but he's the only person he knows who can dream while he's awake, for reasons that may never be clear to him.  
  
Luckily, Jade should be napping right now anyway, given it's a little after noon. The garage (and Caliborn's secret lab, actually) are both located in the Industrial Quarter, a sub-continent-sized section of both Sanctum's topside and underside zoned to serve as the center of manufacturing for the whole world-island, and a place where off-worlders often base their manufacturing as well.  
  
Around midday every day, for a bit more than an hour, the combination of the overhead sun and the waste heat from the many thousands of foundries, factories, other nexuses of industrial activity found here combine to make the heat intolerable, so nearly everyone who works here takes siesta, a midday nap. It just so happens to be right around that time now.  
  
Musing about it, it occurs to Dirk that being disturbed from his already tenuous grasp on afternoon sleep is likely to have worsened Caliborn's mood, perhaps explaining his volatile reaction to Dave's appearance.

Dirk: *He clears his mind, emptying it of distractions and projects his mind into the Abyss, concentrating on memories he shares with Jade.  
Dirk: *One in particular comes to mind.*  
Dirk: *The two of them in the middle of the Big Island, near Jade's home, doing work on a water wheel devised by the Wizard to provide power for whatever strange mechanisms must reside in his wizard laboratory at the top of the tower on the hill.*  
Dirk: *His senses flood with vivid memories of the big island, and he finds himself in the exact memory that he was picturing a moment ago. There Jade is, luckily enough, although he's guessing by now, based on the ease with which he can contact people in their dreams that when he and someone else are asleep, he can find them in _any_ shared memory, not just the one they happen to be focusing on right this very second. Or at least, that's how it works so far.  
Dirk: *Given that the abyss is explicitly a realm of chaos, its rules are probably kinda unpredictable.*  
Dirk: *The memory captures a particular moment in time, and Dirk "activates" it with his arrival by tapping Jade on the shoulder.*  
Jade: so you see i was thinking that there are other ways that we can take advantage of the mill format. the winds on the island are quite strong and if we jury rig a tower with some large fins we can...  
Jade: *she blinks a couple of times, realizing the sudden dream hijacking and then her mouth spreads into a big grin*  
Jade: dirk! oh my goodness!  
Jade: *jade's clothing shifts to her sanctum work gear*  
Dirk: Sup. Jade: you really startled me, hehe.  
Jade: whats new! i take it theres some development to report?  
Dirk: Yeah. I've got good news and bad news, actually.  
Jade: alright.  
Dirk: The good news is, I found Dave.  
Jade: you did!? dirk! that's fantastic news! oh my goodness! i can't wait to see him.  
Jade: ill come right over and see him as soon as im awake from this nap! wow i could wake up right now im so excited.  
Dirk: Great, because that is exactly what I was going to do in light of the bad news.  
Dirk: Which is that Caliborn beat Dave over the head with that shitty crowbar of his pretty much as soon as he showed up.  
Jade: D: oh noooooo!  
Jade: >:( aaaaugh, why is he always so predictably terrible!  
Jade: is he injured? ill wake up and head right over!  
Dirk: He's just out cold. Doesn't seem concussed or anything, his eyes are normal, pulse is fine, temperature is fine.  
Dirk: But it'd be good to have someone trained to deal with sick and injured people on hand. I'd _really_ like to get my hands on Jane, that's her entire wheelhouse.  
Dirk: But in the absence of the Tanist, our wizard will do.  
Jade: alright. *she nods in determination.* see you soon.  


Jade vanishes from the dream in a puff of smoke, leaving Dirk standing in the shared memory. He wills consciousness back up out of the abyss... 

...To discover that Dave is awake, and looking him over. 

Dave: bro  
Dave: you there dude  
Dirk: *Dirk blinks his eyes as he becomes aware of his surroundings again.*  
Dirk: Dave. Great to see you. Sorry, I was just daydreaming while I was watching over your sleeping body.  
Dave: thanks for rescuing me from whoever knocked me upside the head  
Dirk: About that...  
Dave: id love to catch up with you way more than do the stupid thing im about to say but we got to get out of here in a big damn hurry  
Dave: and get over to my apartment  
Dirk: What? Why?  
Dave: theres problems 


	18. Chapter 18

>Jade: Wake up. 

Jade yawns, and her eyes flutter open. It is still intolerably hot outside, and her forehead is slick with sweat even in the relative cool of the Garage. All around are various machines that Calliope and Caliborn are fixing for their owners. Jade is presently sleeping in Caliborn's hammock, which is the top of two bunks. Calliope's irascible brother is presently spending his nights in his "secret lab," which is really a warehouse in a mostly abandoned section of the city underside as part of the sleeping arrangements afforded to their two visitors.  
  


Jade: *jade gets up from the hammock and rubs her eyes, then taps calliope on the shoulder*  
Jade: (callie!)  
Jade: (pssst!)  
Calliope: *calliope's eyes flUtter open as well and she looks Up at jade.*  
Calliope: mmmn?  
Calliope: what is it? *yawn*  
Jade: i didn't want to worry you when you woke up and discovered me gone.  
Jade: dirk just appeared in my dream and said that he found another one of our friends.  
Jade: his brother dave!  
Calliope: oh jade that's splendid ^u^  
Calliope: yoU're going to go see them then, i assUme?  
Jade: i am, yes.  
Jade: also caliborn hit him over the head so i have to make sure dave is alright.  
Calliope: >:U  
Jade: :P  
Jade: dont be toooo mad.  
Jade: i got the impression that dave appeared unannounced and caliborn probably just did what you would expect him to do.  
Jade: which is to say take his right to self defense far too seriously!  
Calliope: *calliope gets oUt of her hammock, and heads over to the work bench, looking over the dockett.*  
Jade: sorry for interrupting your siesta  
Calliope: no, no it's fine!  
Calliope: i'm Up now, and it's good news, so i don't mind.  
Calliope: *she heads over to a deep sink, and washes the slick of perspiration from her face.*  
Calliope: i'll get to work on these projects so that i stay ahead of my daytime obligations and be certain that i can help yoU all with yoUrs later.  
Jade: good luck.  


Before Jade can leave though, there are some matters she must attend to. She heads out into the yard behind the garage, which is full of dry grasses, and some furnishings to make the work space more of a viable living space when the English twins are not busy.  
  
It's such a peculiar coincidence, she thinks, that their new acquaintances share the same family name as Jake. Maybe there are a lot of Englishes in the Universe? Maybe it's just a coincidence?  
  
Then again, her upbringing has taught her not to believe in coincidences. What happens, her grandpa taught her, happens for a reason.  
  
In the shed, she has squirreled away some of her belongings, things she has managed to acquire since she arrived in Sanctum - and... something she managed to hide from the pirates, and take with her when she was kidnapped.  
  
It is her dream journal. 

Jade: *she leafs through the pages and quickly takes note of her most recent dream.*  
Jade: *this little leatherbound codex she has come to understand is a bit of anachronism - not something that her people invented but something that her grandfather discovered in his time as the wizard on the island.*  
Jade: *one of a lot of mysteries she learned of during her time up in the tower - things that grandpa kept around that couldnt have possibly been made by their people.*  
Jade: *things she is beginning to expect came from another world!*  
Jade: *she leafs through the pages to a lunar calendar that she created after arriving here on sanctum and just in case she doesnt get back to the garage by the end of the night, scratches off another day.*  
Jade: *not long now.*  
Jade: *her heart flutters anxiously as she looks at how few days there are remaining.*  
Jade: *then she decides to think about something else and puts the book away! theres work to do!*  
Jade: alright!  
Jade: time to go help out some strider boys.  


>Jade: Be the other two girls. First, Roxy, then, Rose. 

I'm really just not getting through to you, am I? First of all, you cannot ever be anyone other than yourself. You are who you are forever, and cannot be someone else. This is the fate of mortals.  
  
Second, Roxy is not a girl. Not right now, at least.  
  
Let's have that be the last time either of those particular two mistakes is made.  
  
But we'll see what Roxy is up to anyway. Then afterwards, perhaps we'll visit Rose. Perhaps. 

>Roxy, Nepeta: Land 

Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta is falling down the abyssal steps with roxy, which is something new and exciting that she has never done before!*  
Nepeta: :3 < h33h33h33h33h33!  
Roxy: nep  
Roxy: yo we gonna get off the stairs sometime soon?  
Nepeta: :3 < !  
Nepeta: :3 < oh! oh yeah! i dont know how though!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta flails her limbs*  
Nepeta: :3 < ah! uh! i dont know how! ive never done this before!  
Roxy: is ok  
Roxy: *he takes both of nepetas hands*  
Roxy: ill take it from here B)  
Roxy: just think of your pals house ok?  
Roxy: *he holds his breath and sets his foot down on a landing, pulling nepeta out of the stairs with him.*  
Roxy: whew!  
Roxy: *he lets his breath out*  
Roxy: that space glove is cool but lets practice the stairs some more before i let you do the honors again  
Roxy: i get a real bad feeling about the idea of like  
Roxy: fallin all the way down the stairs  
Nepeta: :3 < mhm!  
Roxy: *he looks around*  
Roxy: oh woah  
Roxy: your buddys fuckin loaded  


*Nepeta and Roxy have touched down in a palatial foyer, ahead of a pair of grand staircases, the kind that lead up to a balcony, which hangs over a hallway. The foyer is tall, with a high ceiling, long thin windows of glass letting light into the building from a green garden. It is far enough away from other buildings, evidently, that not only can the sun shine in unaided, but heaven is visible, clear and blue.  
  
It is serenely quiet in here, and the air can barely be felt against the skin. If room temperature refers to an actual room somewhere, this might actually be it.  
  
It takes Roxy a minute to notice, but the place isn't just large - the scale of it is wrong. _Everything_ is too big as though it were not built for human beings at all, but for someone significantly larger. 

Roxy: *roxy cups his hands around his mouth and yells*  
Roxy: yo!

His voice reverberates around in the foyer. 

Nepeta: :3 < h33h33h33 :3c  
Nepeta: :3 < *she drops down on all fours and makes for the front door.*  
Nepeta: :3 < come on! hes probably in his workshop building a robot or something.  
Roxy: :o  
Roxy: ur buddy builds robits!  
Nepeta: :3 < mhm!  
Roxy: ok ur rich buddy moneybags has finally earned a point in my book.  
Roxy: (oh man)  
Roxy: (if dis guy wasnt neps best buddy id totally have to case the place and come back to steal his shit)  
Roxy: (omg look how ritzy dis place is) 

Nepeta leads Roxy out into a gravel driveway that leads across the green lawn of the mansion, which towers over them in white marble. The grass barely crunches underfoot, well-watered supple. 

Roxy: nep howd u meet this guy?  
Roxy: hes clearly some kind of bigshot and no offense but ur like a total ragamuffin!  
Roxy: the best kind of ragamuffin :3  
Nepeta: :3 < its a long story!  
Nepeta: :3 < but the short version is  
Nepeta: :3 < my sister and i were slaves once  
Nepeta: :3 < but he helped us escape  
Nepeta: :3 < and ive been crashin at his place sometimes ever since  
Roxy: :O  
Roxy: wow u n me got more in common than i thought!  
Roxy: i got kidnapped by slavers like days ago!  
Roxy: and we just barely escaped em.  
Nepeta: :3 < wowee!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta leads him to a stately looking building the size of a barn. the big roll-up door to the entrance is up and lets them right in.  


Loud classical music is playing, not that Roxy recognizes it to be classical music - but he certainly recognizes it as classy. It fills the workshop, which is a disaster of half-constructed and half-ruined mechanical devices. A tall white horse trots lazily across the field of view.  
  
The walls of the workshop are hung with tools or arrayed with shelves, and here and there, portraiture decorates the walls that toes the line between classy and lewd - muscular men in various states of nakedness, and various degrees of liminality between human and horse, posing in various ways so as to show off their leviathan physique.  
  
A blush tinges Roxy's cheeks.

Roxy: so uh  
Roxy: ur friend has interestin taste in art :#/  
Nepeta: :3 < oh totally. h33h33 hes a big gross weirdo but hell grow on you  
Horuss: 8=D < *The horse approaches, and spea%.*  
Horuss: 8=D < Hello again, Goblin. I canter magine you're here to see anyone other than my brother, mm?  
Roxy: *this startles the hell out of roxy n he recoils and falls over backward*  
Roxy: whoah fuck talking horse!*  
Horuss: (ಠ益ಠ;) < *The white stallion shoots Roxy an icy look.*  
Horuss: (ಠ益ಠ;) < Mind your tongue, commoner.  
Horuss: (ಠ益ಠ;) < You are adressing cosmic neighbility.  


The stallion's voice is oily and condescending, and when he speaks his voice doesn't match the flaps of the horse's lips, which produce the neighing and whinnying characteristic of the animal. Roxy knows of the beast because of Dirk's drawings of course, although this is the first one he's ever seen in person. Still, something instinctively tells him that such a beast should not speak in human tongue, and it is deeply disconcerting.  
  
Not the least of which is because the stallion addresses him with the transparent contempt which the rich reserve for the totally impoverished.

Nepeta: :3 < hello horuss!  
Nepeta: :3 < we are looking for equius, yeah.  
Horuss: 8=D < Of horse. He's upstairs, drawing out plans for a module for the starship.  
Horuss: (;¬д¬) < Who's your unhoof companion?  
Nepeta: :3 < hes a friend i made while i was exploring :3  
Nepeta: :3 < i wanted to introduce them.  
Horuss: (;¬д¬) < See that he censors himself a little better.  
Nepeta: :3 < you mind your manners! >:3  
Nepeta: :3 < you two know youre not better than anyone so just stuff this silly superiority stuff.  
Horuss: (;¬д¬):  
Horuss: 8=D < Ha, of coarse you're right.  
Horuss: 8=D < I _am_ a creature of habit after all.  
Horuss:（;≧皿≦）It's easy to slip back into old patterns of thought when I'm by my lonesome.  
Horuss: 8=D < As a matter of fact I was about to seek Equius' company myself after a nice gallop around the estate, but found myself saddled with a dilemma.  
Horuss: D=8 < You see, majestically pleasant and eminently comfortable as this powerful form is, it la% the ability to get up and down ladders easily.  
Horuss: （;≧皿≦）< I could just fly up but that rather defeats the point, doesn't it?  
Nepeta: :3 < sounds like a purroblem you will just have to figure out for yourself.  
Nepeta: :3 < good luck! 

Nepeta leads Roxy up a ladder into the loft of the workshop, Roxy looking over his shoulder in bafflement. He stops Nepeta at the top. They are in a similarly crowded workspace, although here, the roof opens up to the sky. Partially in and partially out of the building levitates a ship, hanging in midair, and moored with cables to the workshop. Though Roxy and Nepeta wouldn't know to describe it as such, it is the same sort of vessel as Vriska's, though of a different construction originating with a different culture.

Roxy: (that guy was a horse!)  
Roxy: (i didnt even know horses wr real!)  
Roxy: (let alone they could talk!)  
Nepeta: :3 < (whew ick)  
Nepeta: :3 < (thats horuss)  
Nepeta: :3 < (hes equius older brother)  
Nepeta: :3 < (normally i dont see him much)  
Equius: D --> Who's there? I know someone is in my workshop.  
Equius: D --> Reveal yourself at once.  
Equius: D --> *A STRONG basso profundo resonates from the other end of the workshop, and a towering figure stands up from a workbench, scanning for the intr00ders.*  
Equius: D --> Ah. Nepeta. It's you.  
Equius: D --> *He rela%es.*  
Equius: D --> And you brought company.  
Roxy: :#O  
Roxy: (damn!)  
Roxy: (daaaaaaamn!)  
Roxy: (god daaaaaaaamn!)  
Roxy: :#3  
Roxy: (hes huuuuuuuuuge!)  
Roxy: *he claps his hands to his cheex + drools*  
Roxy: *what a glorious muscledude beefcake*


	19. Chapter 19

>Caliborn: Crowbar another unwanted visitor. 

Caliborn: *OH BELIEVE HIM, HE WOuLD BE ALL OVER THAT IF THERE WERE ANY MORE uNWANTED VISITORS, LuCKILY FOR THEIR HEADS AND THEIR CuRRENT AND FuTuRE LACK OF ACHES. DIRK STRIDER IS PRETTY SuFFERABLE FOR SuCH AN INSuFFERABLE AND INSCRuTABLE MOTHERFuCKER.*  
Caliborn: *CALIBORN SETTLES BACK INTO HIS HAMMOCK AS THE NEW STRIDER, WHO IS APPARENTLY "DAVE," CATCHES uP HIS BROTHER ON THE SITuATION. WHAT A BLESSED ARRANGEMENT IT MuST BE TO HAVE A BROTHER.*  
Caliborn: *NOT THAT HAVING A SISTER IS SO uTTERLY INTOLERABLE, ACTuALLY. IT uSED TO BE ONCE uPON A TIME, AND ALTHOuGH YOu'D NEVER CATCH HIM SAYING IT ALOuD, IT'S ACTuALLY A RELATIVELY TOLERABLE THING IN AN ABSOLuTE SHITTING OCEAN OF INTOLERABILITY THAT IS THE CITY OF SANCTuM.*  
Caliborn: *HE IS uNFORTuNATELY SO LOST IN REVERIE. THAT HE IS NOT PREPARED FOR ANOTHER INTRuDER WHO APPEARS NEARBY WITH A BANG. HE IS SO STARTLED IN FACT THAT HE FALLS RIGHT OuT OF HIS HAMMOCK ONCE SHE APPEARS, AND TuMBLES ONTO THE FLOOR OF THE GARAGE.*  
Caliborn: *RIGHT INTO THE GIZMO PILE WHICH PRODuCES ITS CHARACTERISTICALLY CLANGOROuS CACOPHONY.*  
Caliborn: OW FuCK!  
Caliborn: *HE IS uP NEARLY INSTANTLY, FLAILING HIS CROWBAR AROuND IN A TRuLY INTIMIDATING THREAT DISPLAY.*  
Caliborn: *THEN HE REALIZES THAT IT IS THE LEAST THREATENING PERSON HE KNOWS AND DROPS HIS GuARD.*  
Caliborn: OH HELLO. WHAT THE FuCK ARE YOu DOING HERE?

>Jade: Glomp 

Jade has just appeared through the abyssal stairs in the middle of Caliborn's Secret Lab, which is officially not a place she is supposed to know the existence of.  
  
In reality, she doesn't give a shit, and actually, what Caliborn was already up to before they arrived in the city made it pretty expedient for her and Dirk to be in cahoots with him and Calliope.  
  
Like many things about their circumstances since their arrival here, she's pretty sure it's not a coincidence.  
  


Jade: *jade goes into a powerdive and tacklehugs dave!!!!*  
Jade: wahoooo!  
Dave: oof!  
Dave: *for the second time today dude goes down in pretty much the same way*  
Jade: *saccharine disposition!*  
Dave: *gizmos and junk everywhere*  
Jade: *she comes sliding to a stop on top of him, and grins down at him.*  
Jade: oh my goodness dave! im so happy to see you i could cry!  
Dave: ow  
Dave: *dave groans weakly and doesnt even try to get up*  
Dave: *or preserve much of his dignity*  
Dave: *being cool is one thing but hes kind of been through the wringer today*  
Dave: im happy to see you too but do you think you could get off me  
Dave: ive got a wicked headache right now  
Jade: so i heard!  
Jade: im here to give you a checkup!  
Dave: ok thats great but actually im pretty much fine and weve got bigger fish to fry  
Jade: *jade gets up and helps dave to his feet*  
Jade: ok whats up  
Dave: i just got dream murdered by a bunch of gooey zombies who are currently thrashing up the floor my apartment is on  
Dave: they escaped into the real world through a hole in my dream and ive got the bad bad feeling about whats gonna happen to my floormates if those guys have the run of the place  
Dave: so we gotta get over there before somebody ends up as ghost chow  
Dave: look i know that i sound like im not really lucid right now but i swear im not like babbling about a concussed fever dream right now okay  
Jade: no that sounds actually pretty much right  
Dave: oh great  
Dave: wait it does  
Jade: yes it does!  
Jade: ill explain more later but us being here is very dangerous and it doesnt seem to be an accident  
Jade: actually according to a source of mine it seems to be quite sinister!  
Dave: what source  
Jade: its a secret unfortunately! im sworn to secrecy!  
Dave: figures  
Dirk: Not to cut a heartwarming reunion short,  
Dirk: because really, you two are tugging at my heartstrings here,  
Dirk: but we'd probably go fight some undead monsters.  
Dirk: Toot sweet so that we don't attract too much unwanted attention from the Celestial Watchers.  
Jade: *nod*  
Dave: *nod*  
Dave: alright guess im leading the way  
Dave: since you guys are on top of these shenanigans as usual  
Dave: im guessing you already know how to use the stairs  
Dirk: You'd be right.  
Dave: alright follow me through 

>Dave, Dirk, Jade: Pose as a team because shit just got real. 

The three of them stand together in the middle of the secret lab, adopting suitably dramatic stances as they prepare to enter the fray. Then, one by one, they disappear through the Abyssal Stairs. 

Caliborn: WELL THAT WAS A HELL OF A THING. 

>Nepeta: Glomp 

Elsewhere, Nepeta has just finished enacting a similar greeting for Equius as the one that Dave received from Roxy and Jade today independently. In spite of his huge size, Equius went down easily when tackled by his comparatively diminuitive friend. 

Equius: D --> Oof.  
Equius: D --> I am happy to see you too.  
Equius: D --> *He grins, showing off an imperfect smile.* Though is it strictly necessary for you to always greet me by pouncing on me.  
Nepeta: :3 < yes i have to  
Nepeta: :3 < it is the way of my people =3=  
Equius: D --> I know this and yet it remains ve%atious to me. The ancestral ways of the Du-Ene are barely civilized and while I bare no animus toward you or them for the lowness of your birth, I wish you would observe decorum more fitting of your elevation, Nepeta. You're not a slave or a primitive any more.  
Nepeta: :3 < hush! you and horuss are two for two in the stuffy rudeness department today, whats gotten into you! >:3  
Equius: D --> E%cuse me for my rude conduct but I can't help but notice you've brought me an unexpected visitor, Nepeta. Who is this person?  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta gets up and dusts off*  
Nepeta: :3 < wow! you know that i just realized i still havent even asked his name!  
Nepeta: :3 < new buddy! what is your name?  


>Roxy: Keep it together 

Roxy: *roxy is tryin and strugglin mightily to keep it 2gether!*  
Roxy: *havin the mega hots for a person as a boy is*  
Roxy: *toooooootes different from having em as a girl*  
Roxy: *its so hard*  
Roxy: *to focus on what hes tryna say*  
Roxy: *he covers his face*  
Roxy: uum hey big guy!  
Roxy: names roxy!  
Roxy: plsd 2 uh meet u  
Roxy: frends call me rolal sometimes  
Nepeta: :3 < h33h33h33  
Nepeta: :3 < nice to meet you too!  
Nepeta: :3 < isnt roxy usually a girls name?  
Nepeta: :3 < for humans i mean?  
Roxy: (it a long story)  
Equius: D --> Fear not.  
Equius: D --> *He starts to walk over.*  
Equius: D --> I can see you are cowed by me but I assure you.  
Equius: D --> I am one of the Nephilim but I bear no terrible or awesome glory that you would profane me by l00king upon me.  
Equius: D --> Though your instinctual deference is noted, and appreciated.  
Roxy: oh yeah!  
Roxy: religious terror!  
Roxy: to-totally what this is!  
Roxy: uh whats a nefaleem  
Equius: D --> Um.  
Equius: D --> Nepeta is your friend here the victim of some form of e%tend truancy?  
Nepeta: :3 < no! hes from a primitive world and got kidnapped by pirates!  
Equius: D --> Oh!  
Equius: D --> Then allow me to e%plain!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta takes one of roxys hands and leads him over to a crate where he can sit down since his knees are shaking :3c*  
Nepeta: :3 < (sawry - i think i made a tacatical error)  
Nepeta: :3 < (we could be here a while but ill look for a good place to stop him)  
Roxy: @u@  
Equius: D --> This should be an e%cellent opportunity for me to inculcate an appreciation for matters of cosmic importance in you, new friend.  
Equius: D --> You see, I am one of the Nephilim, the Giants through whom the noble b100d of the Devae runs.  
Equius: And though I am many generations removed from The Begetting, as with all my kinfolk I still possess...  
Equius: *He snaps a pose to show off his chiseled body.*  
Equius: E%quisite  
Equius: Perfe%ion of form.  
Roxy: (why is everything always so wonderful :D) 

>Rose: Take a selfie 

Rose sits in her chair on Bleeker Street, "playing" with her mobile for lack of a better term. It's a little irritating to just directly follow Caledonius' advice, but of course she was going to anyway.  


Rose: *She has long had a special place in her heart for a particular color that doesn't even appear in flowers - only in the night sky for a moment during twilight.*  
Rose: *She opens the settings menu for Cacophony and changes the color of her messages, smiling with satisfaction as it responds to her touch.*  
Rose: *She didn't even know that this was something she needed until this very moment.*  
Rose: *It's a curious thing, how the bespoke consumerism of the upper classes of Sanctum creates demand for things that someone on a more primitive world would never conceive of us as a possibility, let alone an easily acquired frivolity.*  
Rose: *Maybe that sort of charmingly bumpkiny observation will allow her to publish a memoir of her travels and make a small fortune once they're through the eye of the storm.*  
Rose: *Perhaps it's time to start taking down entries in a journal now.*  
Rose: *She navigates back out to the default screen with a little difficulty, getting accustomed to the functions of each of the buttons.*  
Rose: *The mobile comes with a set of recommended applications. If there is an actual default messenger application, it seems that Lord Caledonius has had it replaced with his messenger of choice, Cacophony, which is indicated by a musical note symbol.*  
Rose: *The RA application, for browsing the Advanced Research Communications Network (ARCnet) is indicated by a stylized solar disc with rays descending.*  
Rose: *Rose takes note of the Memo application third, for taking down her own thoughts and sharing them if she desires either through the ARCnet or with her friends via Cacophony.  
Rose: *But rather than immediately begin taking down her thoughts, she is taken by curiosity, and chooses to investigate the camera application.*  
Rose: *The screen briefly flickers dark, and then she startles as it returns her a picture of her own face.*  
Rose: *She is fumbles with it as she watches the moving picture, and accidentally snaps a picture of her own stupid expression.*  
Rose: *She looks at the picture she has captured in the screen and chuckles to herself.*  
Rose: _Hey there, good looking._  
Rose: *That is an especially ridiculous picture. No one must ever see it.*  
Rose: *Ah well. She takes advantage of the opportunity afforded by having a high fidelity recreation of her own face to adjust her hair, briefly overcome by a fit of narcissistic vanity.*  
Rose: *Excellent.*  
Rose: *She closes the camera, and opens the journal.*  
Rose: *But what to write? What indeed.*  


>Equius: Do beefcake stuff 

Much to the same extent that Nepeta is able to be cute effortlessly, Equius succeeds in remaining a beefcake effortlessly, and manages to spend quite a long time addressing various minutiae related to his station as a member of a literally divine bloodline.  
  
As he explains, he is a descendant of one of many noble b100dlines (bloodlines) each traceable back to one of the Watchers - Devae, who many thousands of years ago, adopted mortal form.  
  
They did so not driven by lust for experience, as was the case with the Fae and their dabbling in mortality to sire the elves, but out of the noble intention to provide mankind with new rulers, after the resolve of the Sovereigns flagged leading to their civil war and the dissolution that followed.  
  
What resulted were a race of enormous, powerful, intelligent, beautiful mortals capable of exquisite and minute control over their own powerful physical forms (even to the extent of shapeshifting with much practice), and to subsist by drawing life energy directly from their environment, such that if required, they could subsist on mere moonlight and dewdrops.  
  
He explains all of this at great length and goes into the minutiae of their capabilities and histories, and the rise and fall of their great kingdoms, paying special attention to his own bloodline.  
  
At such great length, in fact that I have decided not to bother disclosing it. You would surely lose focus. Roxy certainly has. He catches about as much of the spiel as I have chosen to reveal here, and spends most of the rest of it losing focus as he pays attention to Equius' powerful physique. Nepeta purrs next to him, slowly catching onto the fact that Roxy doesn't mind being regaled with tales of heroism and villainy while staring at a musclebound giant at all. 

Roxy: *finally he manages to wrest himself from the throes of catatonia*  
Roxy: dude im lovin the hell out of listening to you talk about stuff but i could waste all day sittin around here and getting expositioned at by a glorious semidivine muscledude  
Roxy: and i got important shit 2 do!  
Equius: D --> *Equius winces at the foul language.*  
Equius: D --> I can see that I haven't gotten through to you on the value of salting your speech.  
Nepeta: :3 < and youre probably not going to!  
Nepeta: :3 < hes my stealbro so hes already corrupted  
Nepeta: :3 < youre too late >:3  
Equius: D --> *Equius' frown deepens visibly.*  
Equius: D --> I see.  
Equius: D --> Is that what you were up to this morning?  
Nepeta: :3 < mhm! i came here because i wanted you to know i was alright!  
Equius: D --> You know how I feel about your penchant for larceny.  
Nepeta: :3 < i know i know!  
Nepeta: :3 < but it was something important this time  
Nepeta: :3 < i had a very important nap earlier today and discovered that i needed to steal something that i saw in the news  
Nepeta: :3 < so that it wouldnt fall into the wrong hands  
Nepeta: :3 < its this!  
Nepeta: :3 < *she holds up the cool space glove*  
Equius: D --> *He delicately adjusts his badly cracked sunglasses, being certain not to damage them any further, and gets a closer 100k, leaning in.*  
Equius: D --> Hmm.  
Equius: D --> I see.  
Equius: D --> May I examine it? It seems mostly inert. Is it some kind of sorcerous artifact?  
Nepeta: :3 < mhm! apparently it can only cast spells that have been cast right by it before though.  
Nepeta: :3 < and as for examining it no way!!!  
Nepeta: :3 < you would probably break it!  
Nepeta: :3 < no offense but you are not the most careful dude  
Equius: D --> You will let me examine that gauntlet.  
Nepeta: :3 < no i will not!  
Equius: D --> You will do as I say.  
Nepeta: :3 < no i wont!  
Equius: D --> Yes.  
Nepeta: :3 < no!  
Equius: D --> Yes.  
Nepeta: :3 < no!  
Equius: D --> Yes.  
Nepeta: :3 < no!  
Equius: D --> Yes.  
Nepeta: :3 < no!  
Nepeta: :3 < jeeeeeeeez!  
Nepeta: :3 < you got to learn when to take no for an answer dude  
Equius: D --> No, I don't got to.  
Equius: D --> Have to.  
Equius: D --> I don't _have to_ take no for an answer.  
Equius: D --> Darn it, you're corrupting me with your 100se language, you silly woman.  
Equius: D --> But very well I will take no for an answer right now.  
Equius: D --> Not because you demand it.  
Equius: D --> But because it is unbecoming for someone of my station to argue in such a manner.  
Nepeta: :3 < >:P pbbbbbt  
Equius: D --> Shush.  
Equius: D --> Furthermore, I accept your reasoning for having liberated this item.  
Equius: D --> I still do not approve of your thieving ways in general but dreams are often prophetic or otherwise important means by which the hand of fate compels us to seek our destinies.  
Nepeta: :3 < whew!  
Roxy: dude  
Roxy: i cant say it hasnt been a helluva time gettin 2 kno u so far but i got a curse or two i gots to start researching and a bunch of other primitive dudes i gotta try and reconnect with.  
Equius: D --> Yes I've noticed.  
Equius: D --> That's quite a nasty pair of curses you have there, actually.  
Equius: D --> And since you've brought them up, would you permit me to take a 100k?  
Equius: D --> I do not pretend to be an experienced sorcerer but perhaps I could help give you a good direction to look in.  
Roxy: u can tell just like that?  
Equius: D --> Sensitivity to magical corruption of form is one of the benefits conferred by my heritage.  
Equius: D --> As is the ability to dispel them if they are minor or familiar enough.  
Equius: D --> Hold still. I will be gentle.  
Roxy: *he holds still*  
Equius: D --> *He reaches carefully.*  
Equius: D --> *Carefully...*  
Equius: D --> *Ever so gingerly*  
Equius: D --> *And ever so gently touches the tip of one finger to Roxy's Crown Chakra.*  
Equius: D --> *He breathes in, and then out, feeling the vortices of energy surrounding his person.*  
Equius: D --> *After a moment, he withdraws.*  
Equius: D --> Hmm.  
Equius: D --> Interesting.  
Equius: D --> Very interesting indeed.  
Roxy: :?  
Equius: D --> Both of these are beyond me unfortunately. I'm very sorry.  
Equius: D --> The second and weaker of the two curses is clearly the work of an Asura, and one considerably more powerful than the inherited magic that courses through me.  
Equius: D --> The one changing your sex, that is.  
Nepeta: :3 < waitaminut... huh?  
Equius: D --> The first, and by far the more powerful of the two is magic I have never encountered before of unfathomable strength and subtlty. You will be hard-pressed in removing that one.  
Equius: D --> What did you do to make such a powerful enemy?  
Roxy: daaaaaaang!  
Roxy: *is impressed!*  
Roxy: idk! this is news 2 me!  
Nepeta: what did he mean about your sex :?  
Roxy: what about whose behind the second one uh  
Roxy: the sex one  
Roxy: does a smart guy like you have guesses like that?  
Roxy: (nep ill explain in like 2 secs i promise)  
Equius: D --> Oh certainly. I can't tell you for sure, but I already have a STRONG hunch for who is behind this h001iganry.  
Equius: D --> It bears all the hallmarks of the work of a divinity who spends a considerable amount of time in this very city.  
Equius: D --> Her name is Inanna.  


>Rose: Write 

The noonish light shines through the comfortably dim study, casting motes of dust in visibility.  
  
The fire crackles in the fireplace, setting a comfortable mood.  
  
After a moment's thought, the words come.

My name is Rose Lalonde, and perhaps the only truly noteworthy detail of my life is that though I have only about twenty-three years of memories, I - alongside everyone else I know and love - am more than one thousand years old. 


	20. Chapter 20

>Rose: Journal 

One thousand years ago, something happened to affect every living thing on our world - a list so comprehensive that it apparently includes our world itself. Our home Eszett might be described as "sunken," or "shrouded" - it has been pushed, however minutely into the Abyss such that anything that is the ontological offspring of Eszett's World Soul is also affected. Our world is not the only such world; there are others out there as well which have shared the same fate, trapped in a dreamlike stasis for a millennium. But Eszett is one of the first such worlds to have "drifted" closer to the "surface" of the Middle World, making it more easily accessible through normal means, which presumably explains why we, out of all other such sunken or shrouded worlds, were singled out by the pirates who kidnapped us. At least in part. 

>Dave: Do a bit of clean up before you lead the others into the apartment. 

Dave arrives before the others, and creeps into the hallway beyond his apartment, instructing the others to stay outside for a moment, on the outer wall of the apartment complex before they follow him in.  
  
He has something he needs to investigate before he brings the others in.  
  
He creeps slowly out into the hallway, ensuring that he does not attract the attention of the feral shades infesting the place. They appear to have found their ways to other floors of the building for the time being, and based on the state of the footprints, there are more of them still than when they slew his dreaming self.  


Dave: (ok)  
Dave: (dont freak out dont freak out dont freak out)  
Dave: (ok yeah im freakin out)  


Dragged unceremoniously to the end of the hallway is Dave's dead dream body, which appears to be partially eaten. 

Dave: *the hair on the back of his neck prickles and he shudders*  
Dave: *he heads over and starts dragging it back to the apartment*  
Dave: (sorry dead dream dave)  
Dave: (hopefully being dream murdered by ghosts doesnt have lasting ramifications on my sleeping patterns)  
Dave: (add that to the list of problems we got)  
Dave: (hup)  
Dave: *he picks his own dead self up and chucks it through the blot back into the dream apartment*  
Dave: *now that hes aware of the way that the blot works he can tell much more easily that its a portal too*  
Dave: *chalk that up to more sorcerous malarkey*  
Dave: *looks like dead dream dave is dissovling into smoke now that hes back in his dream where he belongs*  
Dave: *like dropping an aspirin into a glass of water and watching it fizz* Dave: *looks like thats one less headache to worry about*  
Dave: *boom nice headpun dave*  
Dave: *oh great*  
Dave: *theres blood all over his hands*  


>Rose: Journal (cont.) 

As a result of having our world, and therefore our origin pushed into the abyss, we operate under a different set of rules from what might be referred to as Reality. In many ways, we are like ghosts. In others, we are not. On a cosmic time scale, I have come to understand that there has never quite been something like us. Our transformation is unprecedented in universal history, and while there were theories about what we might be, and how we might behave, none of them is entirely accurate. A great many precepts formerly regarded as rules might begin to break down as a result of our existence. As such, it may behoove me to begin to compile a list of new rules which so far might be said to apply to use uniquely. Perhaps that will make it easier for scholars studying our story to generalize out new rules from our specific behaviors. 

>Equius: Theologize 

Equius: D --> She is a fairly powerful Asura with an e%pansive array of concepts within her demesne. Equius: D --> She is associated with wealth, fertility, luck, rulership, sorcery, war...  
Equius: D --> The title by which she is often formally known is God of Princely Might.  
Roxy: fertility u say...  
Roxy: so r u thinkin what im thinkin?  
Roxy: *he rubs his chin thoughtfully*  
Equius: D --> If what you are thinking is that her curse is also a romantic advance, then yes.  
Equius: D --> Inanna is a notorious coquette. You should not fall for her trickery, however, as she is an equally notorious heartbreaker.  
Roxy: *he gives equius his most sage nod*  
Roxy: *luckalay, thinkin about solving problems is one of the few things that can distract him from thinkin about sexy people*  
Roxy: *especially when the problem is about a sexy person bc goddamn inanna is actually a hot piece of ass actually*  
Roxy: just makin sure im clear on this  
Roxy: inanna is a babe who wears a horny crown right  
Roxy: like big stately horns youd see on an ox on her crown i mean  
Roxy: not the other way  
Roxy: tho tbh it sounds like the other way is also on point  
Equius: D --> Yes. That would almost certainly be her.  
Roxy : good 2 kno  
Roxy: got any advice on how to reverse the curse then?  
Equius: D --> As I see it, you have a couple of options.  
Equius: D --> You could simply bear the curse for the rest of your life if you find that a tolerable option. There is nothing ignoble about remaining a man for the rest of your days.  
Roxy: oh hell nooooo  
Roxy: no offense 2 dudes but like thats not even the badness of the curse  
Roxy: it changes my gender every day!  
Equius: D --> I see. Tiresome.  
Roxy: im already confused enough about genders atm  
Roxy: i dont think i could handle that the rest of my life  
Roxy: *siiiiiiign*  
Roxy: ok whats the other one  
Equius: D --> You must play along with her game and either seek her out or wait for her to seek you out.  
Equius: D --> And considering that she put the curse on you,  
Equius: D --> It is likely that the ball is in your proverbial court.  
Roxy: huh  
Roxy: sounds like pretty good advice actually  
Roxy: howd you get to know so much about godly relationship politix?  
Equius: D --> I do not. Nepeta is the relationship wizard between the two of us.  
Equius: D --> *He bashfully glances to one side, scratching the back of his neck.*  
Equius: D --> She has e%plained this sort of thing to me in the past, and I merely applied what she has taught me to a matter which is more my expertise.  
Roxy: preeeeeetty smart :)  
Equius: D --> I merely learned from a master. Nepeta: :3 < awww! equius you _did_ pay attention while i was explaining ships to you!  
Roxy: *roxy approaches equius and reaches up to put a hand on his chest*  
Equius: D --> *He freezes.*  
Equius: D --> What is this.  
Equius: D --> E%plain yourself at once.  
Roxy: it means  
Roxy: i like ya :)  
Roxy: and ud probs crush me or accidentally rip my arm off if i went for a hug or a handshake lmfao  
Roxy: i was worried ud be a big bag of dicks because ur a rich guy and nepeta made u sound a _lil_ snooty  
Roxy: and u are  
Roxy: but i can tell ur a good guy  
Roxy: actually kinda like dirk and jane had a love affair  
Roxy: and u were their baby with all the good parts and bad parts that implies  
Roxy: which is a big compliment theyre like my 2 besties in the whole world  
Equius: D --> ...  
Equius: D --> *He shimmers with sweat, clearly flustered by the une%pected contact.*  
Equius: D --> You're a very forward person, Ro%y.  
Roxy: im just tryna be real with u  
Roxy: u seem like the kinda guy who appreciates it :)  
Equius: D --> Well for what it's worth  
Equius: D --> A younger me might have been accurately prejudged by you.  
Equius: D --> I like to think that I've become a better person in the company I choose to keep.  
Equius: D --> *He flicks his eyes over to Nepeta.*  
Nepeta: :3 < awwwwww! <3  
Nepeta: :3 < double sw33t today!  
Nepeta: :3 < i might just furget about your guys rude behavior earlier >:3c  
Equius: D --> Indeed. Now. Would you mind.  
Equius: D --> Um. *He sweats profusely.*  
Equius: D --> Removing your hand. I've been doing my best to restrain my passions through this encounter.  
Equius: D --> Your attraction to me became obvious part way throughout my lecture and all this touching is getting me rather hot and bothered.  
Roxy: *she removes her hand*  
Roxy: yup. :)  
Equius: D --> Thank you. I'm going to go find a towel.  
Roxy: great. laters equius.  
Roxy: thx for ur help  
Roxy: nep cmon! speakin of jane and dirk we should go find one or both of them through the stairs  
Nepeta: :3 < coming!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta jumps off her perch where she has been purring and watching the exchange mostly*  
Nepeta: *she drop onto all fours and scampers over then stands right up*  
Nepeta: but first  
Nepeta: i think you got some splainin to do about this whole genders thing  


Rose: Journal (cont.) 

First, there are the powers which we seem to have attained - such that they might be called powers in any case, as they seem to some extent to instead be an ability to ignore reality outright, owing to the fact that we are ourselves dubiously real. Many so far seem to be fairly similar in nature to Blue Magic. We can defy gravity and pass through solid objects intangibly, although when we do so, we leave behind an unpleasant oily substance called protoplasm. Which brings me to the cons of our existence. Number one is that the "negative energy" generated by the conflict between our unreality and the real world seems to already be causing paradoxes. Not the least of these is the fact that there are holes in our memories, and there are things that I have already identified in my own that I know could not have possibly happened. We are more vulnerable to effects which distort reality - both magical, and mundane. My sister has already been easily altered by a frisky Asura into a brother, for example. And when we are in close proximity to one another, these effects seem magnified. And all these dangers we represent lead me into another question: Why were we singled out to be abducted?

>Jade, Dirk: Follow Dave in 

It has been a couple of minutes now since Dave entered his apartment alone. 

Jade: hmmm  
Dirk: Mmm.  
Jade: so.  
Dirk: Yeah?  
Jade: *jade stands next to dirk using the side of the skyscraper as a floor*  
Jade: its been a little while since he went in there  
Jade: im _kind_ of getting worried  
Dirk: Dude's probably just getting his clean on. We can give him a little privacy.  
Jade: yeah but theres probably dead beings in there!  
Jade: and this is the real deal dirk! he could get hurt!  
Dirk: So? Dave's tough. He can handle it.  
Jade: dirk _youre_ tough. dave is...  
Jade: well hes dave.  
Dirk: *Dirk pulls a very slight grimace and produces a low, quiet grumble of concession in his throat.*  
Dirk: Yeah, you're probably right. We'd better get in there.  


The two of them float up through the wall, accidentally widening the blot behind them. Dave is standing in the middle of the room, looking at his very bloody hands. 

Dirk: Fuck dude.  
Dirk: What happened? Are you alright?  
Dave: oh hey yeah  
Dave: clean up went ok  
Jade: oh my god! dave what were you cleaning up?!!!  
Jade: a body?  
Dave: yeah pretty much literally  
Jade: oh noooooo!  
Jade: the dead already killed somebody?  
Dave: (well yeah but just my dream self)  
Dave: (also keep it down theyre still around just not on this floor)  
hisssssss  
Jade: (oh got it sorry)  
Dirk: (That's what made you wake up I take it?)  
Dave: (yeah listen we really dont got time for story time right now id love to recount my gruesome dream death but we need to get this show on the road)  
Dave: (if a deva shows up because of all these bad vibes and pegs us as the cause i have a feeling hes going to be a lot less charitable than nacahiel was)  


The three of them advance out into the hall, slowly and quietly, each arming themselves, and creep along, checking doors to see if they're locked, which they appear to mostly be. Protoplasm covers the floor, making it slippery. The floor creaks under Jade's foot. They are greeted by a chorus of hisses from both up and downstairs. 

>Rose: Journal (cont.) 

My source is vehement about allowing me to draw my own conclusions - often through leading questions, but not without making me reason my way through the necessary intermediate steps - but I am fairly certain that I have boarded the train of thought he was hoping I would catch. It seems likely that our abduction from Eszett is part of a plan to utilize our extraordinary capabilities to some nefarious end. What that end is, or who is behind it is still anyone's guess. Immediate guesses spring to mind. The Pirates are the immediate choice that presents itself - Elven Corsairs could have any number of uses for new magical toys. My patron's archrival, who has already begun to insinuate herself on our abduction just as he has is a possibility. And then there is my patron himself. He is certainly not clear of suspicion, but we are, for now, useful to each other. To what extent are our powers related to the nature of the goal? Could the negative energy generated by our existence be used as some kind of energy source to drag up the recent dead from their shallow graves as an army for a sorcerer? Could we be used in congress to channel open a large gate to some other location? Could our mere presence eventually cause a breakdown between the real and the imaginary in our surroundings, possibly even resulting in Sanctum sharing our home's fate? All troubling possibilities, each as likely as the last for all we know.

>Roxy: Discuss Genders 

Nepeta: :3 < so just to be clear  
Nepeta: :3 < normally youre a girl  
Nepeta: :3 < but right now youre a boy because youre under a curse  
Roxy: yuh huh  
Roxy: sorry if u feel like i tricked u or somn  
Roxy: ive just been kinda busy with other stuff in my headspace and honestly tryin kinda to just get through this!  
Nepeta: :3 < no its ok!  
Nepeta: :3 < im not mad  
Roxy: whew!  
Nepeta: :3 < but... do you prefer me to think of you as a boy or a girl :?  
Roxy: ive been goin with boy today so far... but even i keep screwin up my pronouns so  
Roxy: idk?  
Nepeta: :3 < then...  
Nepeta: :3 < if its okay i will just think of you as roxy ok?  
Roxy: wow yeah is that ever okay.  
Nepeta: :3 < roxy it is  
Roxy: (so cool)  
Nepeta: :3 < so you were going to introduce your friends to me now that i introduced my friend to you? :3c  
Roxy: mhm! i think we better go meet janey first  
Roxy: from what i understand a witch has bent her ear and she needs to be unbent  
Roxy: makin her like a reverse rose  
Roxy: oh man u gotta meet rose too eventually  
Roxy: but mission first friendly pal timez later  
Nepeta: :3 < you gotta tell me more about your secret mission soon too! it sounds exciting :3  
Roxy: all in due time, nep  
Roxy: all in due time  
Nepeta: :3 < very well roxy *she curtsies*  
Nepeta: :3 < would you so very kindly do the honors of taking us down the stairs to see your furriend?  
Roxy: *roxy bows back and takes her hand*  
Roxy: why i would be delighted 2.  
Nepeta: :3 < h33h33h33h33  
Roxy: hehehehe  


>Rose: Journal 

Whatever the scheme is, and whoever is behind it, we are on a narrow time-table, and we must move quickly. Among the talents I have begun to learn, augmented by my defiance of reality's rules, is the ability to divine, something which I am learning from the aforementioned patron. And the further and further into the future I look, the darker it becomes such that it becomes impossible to tell what paths are ultimately the most fortunate for my limited sight. Ahead of us lies a swirling vortex of misfortune, centered around the Hub that grows and grows. From what I have gleaned from my patron, it has even muddied his ability to see beyond it. Does our arrival here on Sanctum serve as an omen of the apocalypse, or a trigger? 

>Arrive 

On one side of Peixes manor, John appears from the Abyssal Stairs, ready to look for his sister.  
  
On the other side of the building, unaware of John's presence, Roxy appears through the stairs, ready to look for her best friend.  
  
The stately building is a sprawling complex of rooms halls, and staircases, splendid Colonial architecture adorning the outside of the structure. Though of course, the meaning of Colonial architecture is lost on John and Roxy. But it is meaningful to us. The green grounds are sunny, well-lit... and unguarded. Quietude permeates the place anxiously, and both John and Roxy keenly get the feeling they are being watched.  
  
Elsewhere, Dirk, Dave, and Jade are standing their ground as they prepare for a hard fight. The number of shades has doubled since they killed Dave in his dream.  
  
Dirk and Dave grip their sword handles.  
  
Jade squeezes the trigger on her rifle.  
  
Roxy and Nepeta slink toward the back of the mansion.  
  
John approaches the front door.  
  
Rose sits in her study, and looks over her journal entry so far, before closing it with two final sentences. 

We have to mix hurry and caution.  
  
But for now, something frivolous; I need to see a woman about a dress. 


	21. Chapter 21

>Narrator: Begin intermission 

I feel like I should take this opportunity to remind you that I don't take commands. Sometimes I do favors. Rarely, I follow advice. But as for my own will, I am sovereign. No one can tell a narrator what to do except a stronger narrator.  
  
Nevertheless, as is unusually characteristic of me lately, I'm in a pretty good mood, so I suppose I can humor your suggestion. Good time for a cliffhanger, hm? 

Intermission 

Elsewhere in the city...  
  
Private investigators stalk iniquitous rogues. 

>Problem Sleuth: Introduce yourself. 

Phillip Smith sits across a wide alley from a warehouse in which suspicious activity has been taking place. He and his two companions have been asked by a friend in a high place to stake the place out - and given the authority to investigate more closely at their discretion.

Depending on who you ask, he is the top problem sleuth in the city, and solicitations for his service are frequent. The compensation on the other hand, leaves a little to be desired.

It is an unseasonably hot afternoon. It is always unseasonably hot in Industry. He is feeling particularly hard boiled today.

What will he do?

>Phillip: Retrieve Arms from Safe 

Phillip is far from his office and his safe, so there's not a chance he's going to be able to retrieve any more items than what he already has on his person this afternoon. Luckily, he already has everything he needs for his investigation.  
  
A set of investigator's tools will allow him to collect evidence of any crimes he happens to suspect. A flask of whiskey will give him the boost in imagination he might need to think back and remember the good old days. And the cold grip of his old fashioned revolver reminds him that his weapon is his only friend in the world right now.  
  
He has a feeling it's going to be a long day.  
  


>Phillip: Pick up a broom handle from the pile of junk, live up to the etymology of your name, and start horsing around. 

This is unbelievably silly. Every so often, however, the compulsions take him. It's actually something common to him and the two of his close accomplices - the occasional whim to do something incredibly stupid at times when they don't have anything pressing to worry about. But it doesn't get in the way of problem solving as much as one might expect. As a matter of fact, at times, the whim to do something seemingly for no reason has proven uncharacteristically fortunate, as though some otherworldly spectator is giving him the necessary advice to ensure a causal chain of events leading to a favorable destiny.  
  
He would call it his guardian angel if he was a religious man, or if angels weren't 7 foot tall flaming stone deities who are as much of a help as a hindrance to private investigative work. 

>Phillip: Quit being so overdramatic with this whole "only friend in the world" business. 

He is being a bit overdramatic, he supposes. It'd be unfair to say that Pembroke Inchley and Arthur Dick aren't his friends. As a matter of fact, it would be downright criminal. He should turn himself in right now to be judged by a court of his peers for the very thought.  
  
Inchley is in a nearby abandoned apartment complex, running surveillance.  
  
Dick is nearby, ready to provide suppressing fire if things get too hot to handle, which in the trio's line of work, is frequently.

>Phillip: Take stock of your surroundings. 

The trio are presently in the city underside, in the district of industry. A mess of girders and catwalks overhead blot out the sun, casting the place in almost permanent twilight, only allowing streams of light in at intervals. Illumination is provided by regular streetlights, and water from steam drips continuously from above, giving the place the permanent affect of the city noir genre. In places, the ambient heat and work being done in this part of the city casts walls in an orange glow.  
  
This section of town is currently deserted - for any number of possible reasons. An industrial accident may have happened, or been faked, pushing residents and workers out of the region until proper review pending bureaucratic approval.  
  
A series of mass evictions may have resulted in the tenants of nearby apartment buildings to leave the area.  
  
Perhaps the population of the area was driven out a hundred years ago in the mass civil disorder plaguing the city that came to be known as the Du-Ene Rights War  
  
Perhaps gang conflicts have made the place uninhabitable.  
  
But you know one thing, based on signage. The owner of the place isn't letting it lie fallow for no reason.  
  
If the Witch is one thing, it's enterprising.  
  
The fact that it is patrolled by armored thugs suggests that there is almost certainly something illegal going on here.  
  


>Phillip: Radio Inchley for intelligence 

PS: Pembroke, what's the situation down here? I'm ready to move in for a closer look whenever the coast looks clear.  
PS: ...  
PS: Pembroke, are you there?  
PS: City of Sanctum to Pembroke Inchley.  
PI: ...oh um yes... hello... i was very briefly distracted by a smudge on my sight... apologies...  
PI: ...let me just take a look see... here...  
AD: WOULD YA SPEAK UP? WE CAN BARELY HERE YA WHEN YA MUMBLE LIKE THAT.  
AD: WHICH IS ALWAYS!  
PS: *Phillip winces as Dick talks into his radio too loudly, and too closely.*  
PS: *Which is always.*  
PI: ...um yes... apologies again... mister smith... you are contending with approximately a dozen perimeter guards... their stature... physique... and the construction of their armor suggests they are uniformly elven women... so move carefully and do not expose yourself to their precise aim...  
PI: ...they are travelling in six groups of two at regular intervals... but i believe... i have identified a patch of the terrain... where you will be able to use the shadows and nearby obstructions in order to preserve cover and remain undetected...  
PS: Where am I heading?  
PI: ...to your northeast... do you see a group of large crates... positioned fairly close to the building's eastern wall?...  
...it is about a third of the way along the wall....  
PS: I see it.  
PI: ...they are surrounded by various and sundry detritus which should prove a suitable location for you to slip into the shadows of the warehouse itself...  
PS: And from there I just have to sneak past a bunch of elves.  
PS: Got it. Good thing the shadows are my ally.  
PS: *He smirks playfully, enjoying adding a bit of drama to the situation.*  
PI: ...i'll have your back... just give me a moment... i have really been doing an intolerably poor job of maintaining this rifle...  
PS: ...  
PI: ...um...  
AD: WHILE WE'RE YOUNG, STRING BEAN.  
PI: ...mister dick you really should mind your irascible temper...  
PI: ...your physician has been cautioning you about your blood pressure...  
AD: THE ONLY THING MAKIN' MY BLOOD PRESSURE RISE RIGHT NOW IS HOW SLOW YOU'RE BEIN'.  
AD: REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN WE COULD BUST INTO A CRIMINAL HIDEOUT AND START BLASTIN'?  
PI: ...if i recall correctly the good old days also involved a lot more devils... vile sorcery... and a considerably more composed criminal element in the city underside...  
PI: ...are you saying you would prefer to return to the days when the mobster kingpin represented a not insignifcant shadow government...  
PS: Gentlemen, can we focus? Is that too much to ask?  
PI: ...apologies... yes i think i'm ready now...  


>Phillip: Sneak over 

The problem sleuth slinks across the courtyard, directed by his fellow inspector, slipping in and out of the shadows with preternatural speed and grace. Though it is not the only unnatural ability or predilection he has retained since being bitten by a devil, five years ago during the Big Case as they have come to call it, Vampire Fastness is probably his favorite.

PI: ...over to the public mail receptacle... go now...  
PI: ...stop...  
PI: ...now go...  
PI: ...stop behind it...  
PI: ...a moment... these two appear to have stopped...  
PS: What are they doing?  
PI: ...they appear to be conversing...  
PI: ...wait... one of them is telling a joke...  
PI: ...hurry over to the nearby trash bin the joke is hilarious...  
PI: ...and stop...  
PI: ...i will not be able to provide you with any further help from here or they will overhear the radio... good luck phillip... 

>Phillip: Infiltrate the building 

He slinks over through the darkness, catlike. Every so often, he pauses, as a pair of guards, talking in a foreign tongue, pass him by. He wonders where these sidhe are from? Aren't there like, a bunch of elven cities they could be from? Why would the witch be hiring elven pirate-mercenaries right now? And why does the old man want him to investigate this place?  
  
Of course, it certainly is the witch behind this. She has plans within plans, and she's like a dragon with her properties, knowing what each one is doing at any given time, down to the very last coin.  
  
When Lord English, the Realm Lord and notorious oligarch perished mysteriously in his home ten years ago, she was quick to swoop in and buy up many of the properties which formerly belonged to him.  
  
When they put the Mobster Kingpin six feet under five years ago, she was equally speedy. She owns land all over the city. A lot of it. Rumor is, she's close to 40% ownership when it comes to tenements in the city, and it shows in the high prices residents pay to have a place to live.  
  
This warehouse has signage designating that it belongs to one of the many many shell companies which she owns, and through which she moves the money of her businesses.  
  
He approaches the door. It is locked with a big padlock. Luckily, he has some talent as a lockpick, and exquisitely fine dexterity from his curse.

>First, be Pickle Inspector. Second, ogle courtyard vigilantly. 

Should I stop bothering to remind you that you cannot be any of these characters? Old habits die hard, I suppose.  
  
Inchley sits in the dim, abandoned tenement and sagely observes the movement of the guards and his companion, who he notes moves with the expertise of long practice. He nods appreciatively, always one to give professional praise, although he can't strictly speaking do so right at this moment.  
  
He lies across a desk which he has positioned next to the window to allow him to lie down at eye level with the base of the window and look down into the courtyard with the sight of his sniper rifle. Pembroke Inchley does not miss.  
  
He fiddles with a Rubik's Dodecahedron aimlessly with one hand while he boredly uses the other to hold the sniper rifle in place. As intense as a stakeout like this is, he is a professional, and after all, he's done this a few dozen times before. Good to keep the mind sharp by practicing as many different mental pursuits as possible at once.  
A bug lands on his sight.

PI: ...oh bother...  
PI: *...he picks the rifle, and swats at the fly...*  
PI: ...shoo... shoo... go away please...  
PI: *...a quick ogle through the sight confirms the insect has smudged it once again...*  
PI: ...oh... oh dear...  
PI: *...he nervously withdraws a handkerchief from his pocket along with a spray bottle and grits his teeth as he cleans the stain... restoring the usefulness of the sight...*  
PI: *...he resumes his surveillance of the courtyard immediately...*  
PI: *...and quickly restores visual on all eight of the guards...*  
PI: *...wait... one two three four five six seven... eight?...*  
PI: ...oh dear... oh dear oh dear...  
PI: ...this is bad... this is very bad... 

>Phillip: Investigate the premises 

He sneaks through the warehouse. The place is full of huge crates, each marked with various stenciled data in order to describe their origin, destination, and other information about them.  
  
There are another four guards in here, so he has to move quickly and quietly inside to avoid their notice.  
  
He sneaks toward the back of the building, and toward an office. It is presently unoccupied, so he picks the lock again, and slinks inside, and starts snooping through the folders for a cargo manifest that matches the crates outside.  
  
He finds a folder for the right date and starts leafing through it. His curiosity and confusion slowly peak together.  
  


PS: (What is this?)  
PS: (Just tons and fucking tons of lead?)  


Behind him, the door to the office slowly creaks open. 

>Arthur: Do something really stupid 

It has been a handful of minutes since the Face entered the warehouse. Aw shit. Now the guards are starting to break off from their stations. He watches as a couple of them leave their patrol, and start heading toward Inchley's position.  
  
Another pair have stopped at the front of the warehouse, and appear to be investigating the picked lock.  
  
Shoulda skipped the sneaking and gotten right to the blasting, if you ask him.  
  
Dick lifts his Gatling Gun. 

>Pembroke: Build a fort out of your desk 

It's not a fort, but he does do that. It might not provide him much armor if it comes to a gunfight, but all he really needs is a few moments of tranquility.  
  
He reaches into his coat pocket, and withdraws a bottle of staggeringly powerful Mercurial Moonshine.  
  
It is time to use his imagination. 


	22. Chapter 22

>Pembroke: Use your imagination. 

The stairs and halls of the apartment do not creak as Pembroke's assailants fall upon him. They do not make a sound. The women moving to intercept him are elves, and as with all of their kind, their movements are quick and deft.  
  
It does not matter. The barriers separating his conscious mind from the dreaming have collapsed under the assault of the extremely strong candy liquor - a concoction designed for the use of sorcerers calling on the power of dreams. And Pembroke Inchley is mighty among dreamers.  
  
He observes them with the impassive and aloof eye of the omniscient, the way for example that I might observe them as a narrator - if it were not for the fact that I, like you, am pretty invested in the yarn that I am spinning.

PI: *...pembrole wartches as the two of them approach...*  
PI: *...bright an colorful power pours out of his eyes... they'll spot him moments after they entert tha room... which they do... but it doesn't matter...  
PI: *...he RISES and draws them into a _weird_... an imamginary spaec sioperimposed over the real one in which the power of the mind shapes the terrain...*  
PI: *...yet unaware of the decetpion... the two of them fire their imaginary weapons at him...*  
PI: *...the weapons shout like liggtning but their bolts are to no avail against him...*  
PI: *...he floats up into the air... catching the bolts in the palms of his hands...*  
PI: *...and the room begins to spin...*  
PI: *...around and around faster and fatser sending them tumbling against the walls as gravity misbehaves for them bug not for him...*  
PI: *...he flails the room around all over the silly place to shake them up a good bit...*  
PI: *...and then rileases the weird...*  
PI: *...all of this has taken place in but a monment of resl time...*  
PI: *...and while the injuries sustained may have been imaginary...*  
PI: *...the pain and egfevtiveness of the psychic attack are quite real...*  
PI: *...the two of them spasm and stumble to the floor... wracked with damage and groaning...*  
PI: ...hic...  
PI: *...he starts heading toward the stairs and in his drunken condition... stumbles over the desk fort and falls on his face...*  
PI: ...ehehehe... whoops...  
PI: ...ow...  


Arthur: Punch woman in snout to establish superiority

He might if any of the women were in appropriate range. As it is, he'll have to fulfill his role as Team Sleuth's heavy weapons expert.  
  
Spinning up the huge gatling gun, he starts firing into the side of the building, yelling loudly. Firing in the direction of Smith doesn't usually end badly, due to his already lucky knack for dodging stray bullet-fire combined with his Vampire Fastness.  
  
The women guarding the building are instantly alerted to the much more apparent threat, and dart for cover with all due speed.  
  
He peppers their position with bullet after bullet, yelling to draw attention to himself as he backs up toward a better actual position.  
  


AD: (EH. IT'S A LIVIN.) 

>Phillip: Fight goons. 

The problem sleuth creeps through the darkness of the warehouse, hunting the elves who are mutually hunting him. After a quick altercation as they caught him in the office, he managed to escape out the door in a flurry of motion It's a game of cat and mouse, except with the degree of skill both parties have, it's really more of a game of cat and cat. Darkness is his ally.  
  
His transformation into a dead thing is by no means complete, and the breath of life is in him, but for the past five years, his life force has been less like a roaring flame and more like a candle. It is uncomfortable and unpleasant on the best of days, but he is largely able to live his life normally. And it does come with its perks.  
  
He senses his quarry in the dim warehouse nearby, and slinks along atop one of the crates, keeping low as the two elven sentries who are patrolling the warehouse seek for him, quick and quiet themselves.  
  
One of them comes in his direction, head on a swivel, and he drops low, watching her approach. As she comes within range, he leaps while her head is turned.  
  
The other is alerted as her partner's weapon discharges several times consecutively, and comes running. Too late, and badly planned.  
  
He has already overpowered the other sentry, and she now lies unconscious, slumped against one of the nearby crates, helmet torn off, revealing her monochrome features.  
  
She fires at him as he jumps her, shouting in surprise.  
  


>Pembroke: Aid Arthur 

With a casual wave of his hand, Pembroke imagines up some ropes of light, which obligingly tie up the still-groaning elves. Outside it is a terrible racket as Arthur and the Elves shoot it out with each other. Lifting both feet off the ground, Pembroke starts floating off down the stairs, dreamy energies pour forth from his head in a rainbow halo, flowing the way that waves crash on a shore.  
  
Down the stairs and out into the street, where the muzzle flash from Arthur's gatling gun, and the flashes from the elves' rifles are casting the place in harsh chiaroscuro, and the sound of weapon discharge is echoing cacophonously.  
  
One of the elves disappears in a splash of red mist as she stays out a moment too long. Dick takes a shot in the gut, and howls. It is an incredibly painful injury. 

PI: ...whaf a mess...  
PI: ...hic...  
PI: ...count some sheep... binch...  
PI: *...with a waev of his hnd he puts a few more pipates to sleep...*  


Pirates are far from an organized and courageous bunch, and with their comrades dwindling in number, and a glowing sorcerer floating around in midair, first one, and then several others break cover and run off into the dimness of the streets beyond, leaving the place unguarded. 

>Phillip: Succumb to unfathomable bloodlust.

PS: *There is no reason for him to succumb to unfathomable bloodlust, since he pretty much already did that. PS: *One of the more unpleasant parts of this whole nasty curse business is the thirst.*  
PS: *Ah well. The dames will be fine. It's not like a little bite is infectious. At least, not all by itself.*  
PS: *Sounds like things are dying down outside in the street too.* PS: *He took a shot from the second of the two elves before knocking her out, and it looks like Arthur is hit too as the two of them come into the warehouse from outside.*  
PS: *Luckily, both of them are tough as nails.* PS: *He wipes his chin.*  
AD: *DICK WALKS IN HOLDING DOWN INCHLEY BY ONE LEG LIKE A KID WITH A BALLOON.*  
PI: ...i see you alreaby distatched the guards in here...  
PS: Boy, he's really three sheets to the wind, huh?  
PI: ...hic hyup...  
PI: ...i may have had a big more to drimk...  
PI: ...tnan was stricly necessessessary...  
AD: HOPE YOU FOUND OUT WHATEVER INFORMATION THE OLD MAN WAS AFTER.  
AD: LOOKS LIKE YOU AN ME ARE GONNA NEED SOME AFTER ACTION PATCH UP.  
AD: I NEED MORE HOLES IN ME LIKE I NEED A FUCKIN HOLE IN MY... LIKE I NEED A...  
AD: I GOTTA STOP TRYING TO MAKE METAPHORS AND LEAVE THE FAST TALKIN' TO YOU, FACE.  
AD: (OOG... THAT SMARTS.)  
PS: Yeah I think I figured out what he sent us here for. I found some documents. Open up one of these crates though, I wanna be sure.  
AD: *HE PRIES OPEN ONE OF THE BIG CRATES WITH A CROWBAR FOUND NEARBY, AN LOOKS INSIDE.*  
AD: WHAT AM I LOOKIN AT HERE.  
PS: Apparently, lead.  
AD: WHAT LIKE BULLETS.  
PS: Yeah, like bullets.  
PS: Ace, if your imagination had a face, I'd punch it in the face.  
AD: SHADDUP.  
PI: *...snore...*  
AD: WE'D BETTER GET OUTTA HERE AND GET SLEEPY SOMEWHERE SAFE.  
PS: We'd better get us somewhere safe.  
PS: They'll be back, and there'll be more of them.  
PS: Let's go see a dame about some stitches.  



	23. Chapter 23

[>[S] Dave, Dirk, Jade: Strife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3epEVMNJdY)

The first of the feral shades charges Dirk, who shifts the side in a quick motion and attacks it with a swift upward strike, cleaving its leg off. It stumbles and flops down onto the ground. The others follow rapidly behind it in a stumbling, shambling pack of angry hisses, empty white eyes, and pitch-black grasping claws. Dirk's footwork is characteristically phenomenal, but the mob has him on the back foot.  
  
On the other side of the hallway, Dave is busy fending off a similarly hangry mob with speed and grace that nearly equals his brother's. With a blast like thunder, Jade puts a hole in one of the shade's heads. The bullet stops the shade in its tracks, sending it reeling backwards into its fellows, who angrily hiss at each other, distracted into an internal squabble for the moment.  
  
The blast from the rifle makes all three of their ears ring, and in the chaos, the shade Dirk cut down a moment ago gets back into the action from its position on the floor, grasping at Dirk's legs as he avoids the shades in front of him.  
  
Dirk staggers, nearly falling over backwards as the shade at his feet tries to drag itself in range to bite him. Distracted from his deadly dance with the shades in front of him, the one closest to him leans in and sinks its teeth into his arm. 

Dirk: AAAAURGH!  
Dave: !!!  
Dave: *dave whirls around and whacks up the shade grabbing dirks feet until it stops moving*  
Dave: *then he leaps in and does the same to the one biting dirks arm*  
Dave: dont stop hitting them until they stop moving!  
Dave: they keep coming even if you take off an arm or a leg  
Dirk: Got it.  
Dirk: *Dirk gets his balance back, grabs his sword again with both hands, and starts cleaving.*  
Dave: *dave joins in the fray and starts slashing*  
Jade: *while the two of them are busy on one side of the hallway, jade is busy emptying her rifle into the guys on the other side!*  
Jade: *they went down in a heap when she shot the first one*  
Jade: *its like fish in a barrel*  
Jade: you can get them to trip each other up too! theyre not very smart! 

As they cut down some of the first wave, more appear from out of the stairwells at both ends of the hallway. The shades on the ground that Jade was shooting at start to pull themselves up off the ground, and lurch toward them once more, both slowly pushing them back toward the door of Dave's apartment. 

>John: Knock 

John walks up the steps to the front door of the manor that lies in front of him, and knocks on the polished wooden front door. He is barely finished with the second rap when the door glides open soundlessly.  
  
It reveals a foyer as palatial as the exterior. It is decorated extensively with garish and gaudy golden baubles, tapestry, and colorful wallpaper. The lighting from windows and the overhead chandelier cast the place in relatively dim illumination, but the way that it glows against the profuse gold suffuses the room with a warm glow.

John: *john steps inside, and tugs at his collar, looking around and grimacing.*  
John: (yeesh.)  
John: (talk about conspicuous consumption.)  
John: *he walks forward through a spacious archway and into a grand sitting room.*  
John: hello? is anyone there?

A vast patterned carpet covers most of the floor, leading up to a fireplace where a roaring fire presently crackles. The room is decorated with plantlife, and hanging on trophy mounts around the wall are melee weapons of various designs and the mounted heads of various monstrosities John has never seen. A pair of high backed leather chairs face the fireplace. Over the mantle hangs a huge portrait of a woman who is assuredly Lord Peixes. Haughty eyes look through a pair of cat's-eye glasses, over a confident smile. She reclines in a flowing, comfortable, and sexy-looking fuschia robes. She looks like an elf, but unlike Vriska, her features are not monochrome - her skin is dark, but more like a natural human skin tone, or alternatively like wood, rather than grey like slate. She drips with gold, a tiara around her brow, and bracelets all along her arms. Someone rises from the chair, and turns to face John as he approaches. 

John: *john squints at her - it is a her. her figure is obscured momentarily by the way the light from the fireplace surrounds her without illuminating her features.*  
John: you're not realm lord peixes, are you?  
Feferi: *S)(e steps out into t)(e lig)(t a little, revealing )(erself to be an elegantly dressed elf, similar in appearance to t)(e woman in t)(e painting )(anging over t)(e fireplace - t)(oug)( )(er curly )(air isn't nearly as long as t)(e painting's, and )(er glasses are rounder. S)(e smiles energetically.*  
Feferi: No I'm not. I'm )(er daug)(ter. And you're Jane's brot)(er, aren't you?  
Feferi: My name is Feferi, and I'm V-ERY -EXCIT-ED to meet you bot)(.  
Feferi: *S)(e gives )(im a )(uge grin.*  
John: it's nice to meet you feferi... but uh... why are you excited to meet me?  
John: i get the feeling that you and your mom probably know more about what's going on with us than we do...  
John: so what's going on? did your mom kidnap jane? if she did, why?  
John: start talking! or... or i'll do something ghosty!  
Feferi: )(a)(a, wow! T)(ere's no need to resort to t)(reats.  
Feferi: *S)(e relaxes, her tone just a little flippant.*  
Feferi: T)(ere's a perfectly good explanation for everyt)(ing t)(at's been )(appening to you, and to your kinspeople. If you want, I'll explain everyt)(ing I can now.  
Feferi: But just so you know I am acting in good fait)(, I'll start by saying t)(at you and your people are involved in a plan t)(at )(as been going on for a very long time, and it's one t)(at my mot)(er is interfering in. Fair enoug)(?  
John: hmm... alright, fair enough.  
Feferi: Come sit by t)(e fire, and )(ave some cake, and t)(en we'll talk.  


>Roxy: Break In 

Roxy creeps around behind the building with Nepeta until the two find a service door. 

Roxy: alrite now get ready 4 me to work tha magix  
Roxy: im gonna try 2 do smthn to impress u :3  
Nepeta: :3 < okie dokie  
Roxy: *roxy wiggles his fingers n reaches _through_ the door handle, fiddlin with the other side until he's pretty sure that the locks on the door are undone.*  
Roxy: *pulls his hand _back_ through the door and unlocks it, shakin his hand off from the gooey black stuff his reach leaves behind.*  
Roxy: ta-daaaaaa!  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta claps her hands*  
Nepeta: :3 < _very_ impressive!  
Roxy: yknow for a bigshot powerful wizard lady this peixes chick has pretty bad security  
Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta shrugs*  
Nepeta: :3 < wizards are weird you can never really tell what they want or why  
Nepeta: :3 < maybe its a power move like she wants us to think she doesnt even care if we break in?  
Roxy: lets not stand here waitin 2 find out  


The two of them head in, into a dingy back room full of cleaning supplies. Roxy proceeds to the opposite door, and cracks it open. She and Nepeta peak through into what appears to be a kitchen. The place is deserted, except for a set of dishes which seem to be busy cleaning themselves over a bubbling sink.  
  
The two of them creep through, and begin to investigate the manor. The decor in the hallway outside of the kitchen is as extravagant and showy as it is elsewhere in the place. The two of them slowly relax as they continue to sneak around until they both stand upright, walking at a normal pace instead of creeping along.  
  
The lavishly decorated hallways lead them to a spacious back hall, a tiered staircase leading up to the second, or possibly third floor.

Roxy: man lord p-money must be p lonely.  
Roxy: whats she even need this big place for theres like  
Roxy: nobody in here  
Roxy: we ain't even run into any servants  
Meenah: sup suckas  
Roxy: !  
Nepeta: !  
Meenah: *an elf girl with long pigtails, dressed in surprisinly casual clot)(es for someone in they gaudy surroundins, stands on the balcony at the top of the stairs, brandis)(in a long, elegant, double-ended trident.* Meenah: so, yall probably some g)(ost people from bummerland, right?  
Roxy: *roxy widens her stance + clenches her fists*  
Roxy: *smth about this girl screams crazy bitch and its makin her tense right up.*  
Nepeta: :3 < *nep gets the same vibe, and her fur prickles.*  
Roxy: ye whats it 2 u?  
Meenah: ma mom was expectin ya to s)(ow up  
Meenah: axed me to )(ang around the place and "welcome" any visitors like you to the place if t)(ey s)(owed up and started snoopin around.  
Meenah: and by welcome in air quotes  
Meenah: i guess s)(e meant actually welcome bc t)(eres some serious s)(it goin down and yall are in the middle a it  
Meenah: w)(ic)( s)(e was prolly expectin me to explain to ya  
Meenah: but to be )(onest  
Meenah: its borin as )(ell  
Meenah: so i aint gonna  
Meenah: maybe if you ran into my adorable lil sis s)(e would actually explain this bidness to ya  
Meenah: but you got the mean badass peixes sista instead of the adorbs nerdy one  
Meenah: so  
Meenah: you got cool g)(ost powers or not?  
Roxy: yea)(  
Meenah: sweet  
Meenah: think fast bitc)(!  
Meenah: *wit)( a w)(ip a )(er arm s)(e t)(rows it at g)(ost boy and makes a flyin leap rig)(t after!*


	24. Chapter 24

>Feferi: Elucidate 

Feferi leaves John to his own devices in the grand room for a minute, and runs off to one of the kitchens in order to procure food and drink for the two of them, promising to return shortly, and letting him know he has the run of the place if he likes.  
  
One of the kitchens, he thinks. The words conspicuous consumption drifts through his mind once more. Must be a great place to host parties. And cake. Is there cake here every day? His mind wanders around the room. The taxidermied monster heads remind him of Jade's Grandpa.  
  
The old man had a hobby like that once upon a time. He would return from voyages to faraway islands bearing the carcasses of fantastic beasts, and embalm the corpses to preserve them as trophies. Many of them were never seen again, squirreled away in the forbidden laboratory atop the Wizard's Tower. Others could be seen on a given day on one of the lower floors.  
  
Nervous energy fills his limbs, and he finds himself drumming his fingers unconsciously. There is still no sign of Jane anywhere, or any indication from Feferi that he will see her while he's here, but she does seem to know who Jane is, which is a good sign.

Feferi: *Feferi rejoins Jo)(n, pulling )(im out of )(is reverie.*  
Feferi: *S)(e strolls into t)(e room wit)( a floating tray )(overing along beside )(er, and wit)( a graceful wave of )(er arm, sets an invisible table in front of t)(e sitting c)(airs.*  
Feferi: *Plates and cups flow t)(roug)( t)(e air and set t)(emselves in front of t)(e c)(airs, a floating pot pouring Jo)(n a cup of somet)(ing dark and savory smelling.* Feferi: *A slice of w)(ite cake wit)( pink frosting is on t)(e plate in front of )(im, wit)( a little fork.* Feferi: *And wit)( t)(e table set s)(e JUMPS ACROSS T)(-E R-EMAINING DISTANC-E and gently floats down into )(er c)(air.*  
John: :0  
Feferi: I )(ope you don't mind t)(at I picked coffee for us to drink. A nice afternoon cup really )(its t)(e spot and gives me just t)(e )(it of energy t)(at I need to make it t)(roug)( t)(e rest of t)(e day. I take mine black, but you s)(ould feel free to doctor yours if you want.  
John: wow, really? how can you stand it? i have this friend named karkat - he's a bureaucrat down at the docks and he tried to get me to drink it like that and!  
John: *he sniffs the cup.*  
John: oh wow this smells way better than the crappy coffee they have at work.  
John: *he picks up his cup and takes a sip.*  
John: oh my god, that's really good.  
Feferi: Your friend Karkat sounds like a good guy. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they drink their coffee or their tea.  
Feferi: 38)  
John: oh yeah! you'd get a kick out of karkat. he is like the crabbiest guy i have ever met, and that's saying something! i grew up with this guy named dirk, you wouldn't _believe_ what a crab that guy is.  
John: but he hides it behind this totally frosty exterior. karkat has no chill.  
Feferi: Well if )(e works at t)(e docks )(e )(as every rig)(t to be crabby!  
Feferi: *Feferi t)(umps t)(e arm of )(er c)(air.*  
Feferi: T)(e local officials all over t)(e city are so corrupt, it just drives me _crazy._ Feferi: Crazy crazy crazy!  
Feferi: *S)(e t)(umps )(er c)(air ve)(emently wit)( eac)( utterance of t)(e word to drive )(er point )(ome.*  
Feferi: My mom )(opes I'll join )(er as a Realm Lord in my own rig)(t one day, and if I do, I'll certainly )(ave an earful for t)(at bunc)( of lazy, disinterested sorcerers.  
Feferi: *S)(e is practically out of )(er c)(air at t)(is point, but settles )(erself and sits back down.*  
John: :I  
John: *john has backed away a little into his chair to give her some space*  
John: you are clearly pretty fired up about this.  
Feferi: I'm sorry for )(ijacking t)(e conversation in t)(is direction. You didn't come )(ere to talk about t)(e politics of a world t)(at isn't even your )(ome, it's just always on my mind!  
John: that's okay. i think if i were you i would probably be pretty fired up about it too?  
John: i've only been here for a fortnight and i can already tell this place is kind of crazy.  
John: crazy in good ways and in bad ways too.  
John: so it probably needs somebody who is...  
John: crazy about it! like you are.  
John: :)  
Feferi: Blu)(.  
Feferi: *S)(e sinks into )(er c)(air.*  
Feferi: T)(anks Jo)(n. You're an understanding guy.  
John: yes i am ;)  
Feferi: )(e)(e)(e.  
Feferi: OKAY! Let's stop acting brain-damaged for a second and start talking s)(op, because t)(ere is actually somet)(ing IMPORTANT I'm supposed to tell you.  
Feferi: *S)(e nearly jumps out of )(er c)(air again wit)( -ENT)(USIASM.*  
John: alright.  
John: i am ready.  
John: explain away.  
John: although y'know it just occurred to me that this is the second time that i had a drink with a pretty lady in comfy chairs front of a fire today  
Feferi:  
Feferi: Jo)(n  
Feferi: T)(at was -EXTR-EM-ELY smoot)( 38)  
John: ;)  
Feferi: But you are distracting me!  
Feferi: Again!  
Feferi: You are a distracting person!  
Feferi: If you didn't seem completely guileless I would almost expect you of stalling for time or somet)(ing!  
John: hey! who's guileless! if i'm stalling for time, you're falling for it!  
Feferi: -Enoug)(! I am going to explain t)(e damn plot to you, and you're going to like it!  
Feferi: !!!!!!!!!!!!  
John: finally!  
John: and then i can go see jane, right?  
Feferi: S)(us)(!  
Feferi: It all began during the Elven Civil War.  


>Hours in the Past 

But not many.  
  
Jade wakes to a chilly, early morning and heads outside into Industry. Early in the morning, much of the zone's machinery is running on low power overnight to conserve energy outside of standard operating hours. Dew is on the ground and clings to the many metal surfaces.  
  
Just as at the rim, here in Industry, where there is a dearth of trees and conductive metal covers everything, heat bleeds away relentlessly into heaven overnight. Fog clings to surfaces, threatening oxidation.  
  
Jade is waiting for someone. Someone who has been elsewhere in the city on a quest of his own.  
  
That someone is her big brother. Jake emerges from the fog. He is barely clothed, and heavily painted with red stripes, like the tribal warrior he is, although his getup is hardly appropriate for a cosmopolitan city like Sanctum. He is riding a huge white dog, not dissimilar to the one which once guarded the wizard's tower. How did he come to be like this? Maybe we'll find out some time.  
  


Jade: *seeing jake emerge from the fog, jade sets off at a run in his direction*  
Jade: oh my god, i'm so glad to see you!  
Jake: Jade! Land sakes alive is it ever good to see you!  
Jake: *He pats his dog companion halley on the side to get him to slow down.* Jade: *jade jumps in the air, and sails across the gap between them, knocking jake right off the big pooch!*  
Jake: Oof!  
Jade: woof!  
Jake: *He looks up at her from the ground where he has had the wind positively knocked out of him.*  
Jake: Jade pardon me if im being a bit thick in the head  
Jake: But did you just bark at me?  
Jade: no!  
Jade: i just  
Jade: made an excited sound!  
Jade: because boy am i excited to see you!  
Jade: *she chuckles and pushes the huge mutt away as he comes over and licks her on the face*  
Jade: whos this good boy!  
Jade: you are a good boy, yes you are :)  
Jake: Thats halley!  
Jake: And he is a very good boy indeed!  
Jake: And an absolutely smashing companion and steed to boot.  
Jade: youll have to tell me all about how you met him and got that neat war paint later.  
Jade: but for now you have the mission i told you about! its very important.  
Jake: Sure thing.  
Jake: Um.  
Jake: Dirks not around is he?  
Jake: I remember you said hes with you.  
Jade: no hes staying with another friend of ours.  
Jade: someone who shares dads last name actually!  
Jade: weird coincidence huh?  
Jake: Weird indeed.  
Jake: So whats this important mission of mine?  
Jade: i have a source who sometimes visits me in my dreams  
Jade: someone who i cant tell you about because i made a promise but trust me when i tell you  
Jade: i have a very good reason to believe that theyre on our side  
Jade: theres a woman named rescha peixes - a witch like me! - who is involved in this whole mysterious affair somehow  
Jade: and she has intercepted jane!  
Jake: Golly! How dastardly!  
Jade: shes insinuating herself into our story  
Jade: which is not a bad thing  
Jade: but shes not involved in the way that she thinks she is  
Jade: and not in the way she wants to be either  
Jade: so you need to go and talk to jane and try to convince her to leave  
Jade: because right now she is staying with peixes of her own free will.  
Jade: so while i cant tell you if youre going to succeed or not  
Jade: you must at least go and talk to her. Jake: Jade you really seem to have adapted to this world with pretty much the same ease with which you adapted to living the life of a solitary knowledge seeker with grandpa back home  
Jake: And youre just as much of a mystery to me as you have been for a long while!  
Jake: Ive got just one question since im pretty sure youre going to be characteristically recalcitrant in producing answers  
Jake: But has it really got to be me?  
Jake: You know im all about resucing a maiden from the clutches of a witch but  
Jake: Well gosh ever since we started having to talk about  
Jake: Yknow adult responsibilities and stuff  
Jake: Things between me and her have been almost as complicated as between dirk and i  
Jade: i know and i wouldnt ask you otherwise but my source made it clear  
Jade: its got to be you.  
Jake: *Gulp.*  
Jade: *she produces a highly detailed and faithful drawing of a stately manor with a particular window on a particular floor circle and indicated with arrows*  
Jade: go to this place  
Jade: take the abyssal stairs there  
Jade: just think really hard about where you want to go and you can get there alright?  
Jake: Alright.  
Jade: careful jake  


>Jake: Go to a particular place, climb a particular wall to a particular floor, and climb into a particular window. 

So, with Meenah busy fighting Roxy and Nepeta, John stalling for time without realizing that is what he is doing, and the Witch herself unaccounted for, Jake reaches his destination without incident. Leaving his dog at the base of the wall, he clambers up with practiced grace, his mostly-naked body rippling with the lean muscle of one of the Big Island's Warrior Braves, like an anatomy lesson writ large. Fingers find purchase on decorative extrusions and in the cracks between bricks, and before you can say floccinaucinihilipilification, he stands before the particular window. Inside, with her back turned to the window, Jane sits in a comfortable looking houserobe, reading something.  
  
Jake takes a deep breath, and knocks. 


	25. Chapter 25

>Jane: Spill your drink in surprise. 

Jane takes a sip from her cup of coffee. The Servants - invisible and intangible vortices of magical energy bound together by spellcraft, and given the meager intelligence and power necessary to anticipate the needs of their masters and guests - are timely, and ensure that it is hot at all times. There is something rapping on the window. Probably a bird. She turns to look, and her mouth drops open into an o shape, her face going vacant in surprise. She loses her grip on the cup and it falls to the floor and smashes, spilling its contents on the expensive rug. Jake is standing outside the window, waving at her, and rapping with his knuckles. He is barely clothed. He is like Peter Pan, come to spirit Wendy away to Neverland.  
  
Not that that reference means anything to Jane and Jake. But it is meaningful to us. 

Jane: *She rises from her seat, cheeks going red as she ogles her half-naked betrothed in the window.*  
Jane: *She opens her mouth further, eyes shooting up as her cognitive process authenticates that yes, what she is seeing is actually happening.*  
Jane: Jake! Oh my gods!  
Jane: *She hustles over to the window, and struggles with the latch, throwing it open.*  


>Jake: Lose your grip and fall most ungracefully. 

A blast of wind rushes by Jake as the atmosphere outside equalizes with the air-conditioned interior of the manor. He flails his arms around as he attempts to right himself, but he doesn't catch his balance, and falls wailing into a bush next to the house below. 

Jake: Waaaaaaaugh!  
Jake: Oof.  
Jane: *Jane claps a hand to one of her reddened cheeks, and furrows her brow, grimacing in embarrassment.*  
Jane: Oooh. That looked like it hurt.  
Jane: *She jumps out of the window and gracefully floats to the ground.*  
Jake: *He boggles vacantly as she hovers down to float next to him.*  
Jane: Golly Jake! I'm so sorry I knocked you loose from your precarious perch. Seeing you there simply took my breath away and I acted without a second thought.  
Jane: That's uh... some getup you've got going on there!  
Jake: Stars and garters jane! Thats a nifty trick you've learned floating around like that!  
Jane: You can do it too.  
Jake: I can????  
Jane: Come on. We'd better get inside before somebody spots you.  
Jane: *She offers to take his hand.*  
Jake: *He untangles himself from the infernal hedge and reaches up to take her hand.*  
Jane: *She floats up, pulling him up into the air with her.*  
Jake: *Suddenly weightless he flails his legs looking down.*  
Jake: Yikes!  
Jake: Oh wow.  
Jake: *He gives her a toothy grin.*  
Jake: Once ya get used to it this flying business is really the cats pajamas!  
Jane: *She sets down on the window sill, and ushers him inside.*  
Jane: If you want I can get you something a little more suitable to wear for mixed company, Jake.  
Jake: The gesture is appreciated madame but im afraid ive got to say no.  
Jake: This here is the war paint of the white tooth clan yknow!  
Jake: Some of the locals here on sanctum from a place where it isnt quite so urban!  
Jake: Theyve taken me in as their own and while im sure theyd understand me changing clothes it just wouldnt feel right to scrub off my marks.  
Jane: Is that so? Sounds like you've already been on quite the adventure already.  
Jane: You'll have to tell me about it sometime.  
Jake: I will in due time.  
Jake: But first I've got some things I've got to explain to you.  
Jane: As it happens, I've got some things I have to explain to you too!  
Jake: Oh!  
Jake: Well  
Jake: Would you like to go first?  
Jane: Oh no.  
Jane: You'd better.  
Jane: You've come all this way and just fallen out of a window looking for me.  
Jane: It'd hardly be fair for me to go first.  
Jake: Alright then here goes.  
Jake: A little bird told me that youre in cahoots with a witch!  
Jake: Is it true that youre in cahoots with a witch jane?  
Jane: I don't know about in cahoots, and she's a sorceress before she's a witch - there's a difference - but yes, there is a woman that I'm working with.  
Jane: And she is magic.  
Jane: Her name is Lord Rescha Peixes. Jane: Which actually is what I wanted to talk to you about anyway!  
Jake: Good because ive been talking to jade this morning  
Jake: And she has a source!  
Jane: A source?  
Jane: Just like Jade to have a source of her own.  
Jane: She's a resourceful girl!  
Jane: (Hoo hoo!) Jake: Yes a source.  
Jake: And according to her source you need to get away from this peyshis woman right away!  
Jake: Shes insinuating herself on this whole situation in a way that is apparently quite unsavory.  
Jane: Oh really?  
Jane: Because that's not what I know about her.  
Jake: Oh no...  
Jake: I knew you were going to be like this. Jane: What is _that_ supposed to mean, mister?  
Jake: Nothing.  
Jake: Nothing at all i suppose.  
Jane: Hear me out on this one Jake.  
Jane: She's a very reasonable woman.  
Jane: She wants to help us resolve our predicament.  
Jane: Because it's effecting everyone, not just us.  


>Nepeta, Roxy: Abscond 

Roxy leaps out of the way of the incoming trident - and directly into the path of the oncoming Elf, who anticipated his dodge before even throwing the spear. The two of them go rolling end over end, and come to a stop in a scuffle of limbs as Meenah wrestles with her quarry, trying to get him in a choke hold.  
  
The trident came to a stop only a handful of feet away and it is within reach. As the two of them struggle Roxy strains for it.

Nepeta: :3 < *nepeta stands off to one side fidgeting around anxiously and trying to figure out when to jump in!*  
Nepeta: :3 < *she doesnt want to accidentally hurt roxy but this elf girl is strong and fast and theyre really thrashing around!*  
Roxy: *roxys face is gettin pushed into the floor but he reeeeeaches for that trident hopin to get a weapon*  
Roxy: *then he remembers hes a ghosty person and sinks through the floor leavin behind an ectosplotch and comes back up out of the ground pickin up the trident*  
Meenah: )(e)(e)(e  
Meenah: t)(ats more like it g)(ost boy  
Meenah: maybe you not as muc)( of a weenie as you look like Meenah: *s)(e gets down low and circles a little gettin ready for another attack*  
Roxy: stay back! i got a fork! ill stick u!  
Meenah: dude i aint afraid a that thing i trained with it ma whole fuckin life  
Nepeta: :3 < *faster than the eye can follow nep blinks forward and wallops meenah in the guts*  
Meenah: 38O !  
Roxy: :O ! 

To Roxy's shock, the awesome blow flings Meenah across the entire length of the entry hall, and the elf girl tumbles over and over until she comes to a screeching stop, legs held in the air by her momentum until she comes to a halt and they finally plop down in front of her. 

Roxy: (holy fuckin shit) Meenah: ()(oly fuckin s)(it)  
Nepeta: Nepeta: :3 < *she breaks into a run on all fours up the stairs*  
Nepeta: :3 < come on lets get away from this crazy lady and go find your pal!  
Roxy: :D *he drops the trident*  
Roxy: *chase!*  
Roxy: *roxy follows suit even the on all fours thing bc damn thats cute and since hes all ghosty he can get away with it*  
Meenah: *w)(eeze*  
Meenah: *daaaaayum gurl*  
Meenah: *meenah is just kinda lyin there too outta breat)( to fuckin move*  
Meenah: *and too enamored wit)( t)(is goblin girl to go start fig)(tin her again rig)(t away*  
Meenah: *but dont worry s)(e totes goin to*  
Meenah: *s)(e just gotta take a second to admire that blow bc*  
Meenah: *)(ow da fuck s)(e even t)(at strong t)(o*  
Meenah: 38,D  
Meenah: *w)(eeze*  
Meenah: *s)(e gets up and goes over to get her trident before settin off on the )(unt up the stairs*  
Meenah: (ooo)( cat gurl and ghost boy)  
Meenah: (i am gonna )(unt you down)  
Meenah: (soon you cuties gonna be all mine)  



	26. Chapter 26

>Dave, Dirk, Jade: Survive 

While Roxy and Nepeta are busy running for their lives, Dave, Jade, and Dirk are busy doing the same thing. More of the shades have appeared from up and down the stairs, forcing them back into Dave's room. The door is barricaded, and many of the bored mob have wandered off elsewhere. The Shades keep getting back up, or reforming after a minute has past, making it difficult to end their threat decisively. Worse, now barricaded in Dave's room, they find themselves confronted with the occasional extra shade wandering into the room and into a fight with them. It is beginning to wear them down. 

Dirk: *Huff. Huff.*  
Dave: *huff*  
Jade: * _sign_ *  
Dave: *the three of them look at the sluggish morass of gooey dismembered dead guys reassembling themselves gradually on the floor of the apartment*  
Dave: ok so i know that we probably are responsible for causing this problem in the first place  
Dirk: You.  
Dirk: You are responsible for causing this problem in the first place.  
Dave: ok yes but have you considered that i did not know this was going to happen hardly my fault  
Dave: its pretty much just what was going to happen  
Dave: anyway the point is  
Dave: im sure the space cops are going to show up any second now and when they do  
Dave: theyll take care of the problem  
Dave: theres probably something were missing here thats making it so we cant beat these guys like a trick or something we dont know about  
Dave: anyway if were still here when they get here theyre probably not going to take too kindly to a bunch of like  
Dave: ghosty people being in the mix  
Dave: like roxy and i already got in a fight with a big bara god and were pretty sure it was over our being ghosty  
Jade: you guys got in a fight with one of the devae?  
Dave: yeah it was pretty intense  
Jade: yeah weve got to break this up as it is  
Jade: weve already been here for a while  
Jade: all three of us in the same place i mean!  
Jade: and we need to make sure we dont attract too much divine attention  
Jade: but i feel bad about leaving our mess for someone else to clean up!  
Dirk: We should stay long enough for backup to arrive. Then we can all get out of here via the Abyssal Stairs.  
Dave: yeah thats probably the best plan to be honest but uh  
Dave: im not actually sure were going to like  
Dave: make it through this fight  
Dave: in case you havent noticed were not actually doing so hot  
Dirk: *Dirk waves his hands around at the many defeated foes as if to say, "Oh really?"*  
Dave: okay yes technically we are actually doing a bang up job of beating these guys up  
Dave: but they dont stay down  


Dave is about to frustratedly slash at one of the downed shades as it reassembles itself, only for a racket to come from outside. All three of them tense up, raising their weapons, and facing the door.  
  
Outside, there is hissing and thrashing, and then pounding against the door.  
  
Something strong hammers against it. Stronger than the shades, which for as unnerving as they are, have proven so far to be pretty weak.  
  
Dave moves to hide behind the door. Jade takes aim, ready to blow away whatever comes through. Dirk stands off to the opposite side of the door compared to Dave.  
  
A teal-colored magic sigil - like the one that prefigured the appearance of nacahiel but much smaller and much less intricate - appears on the surface of the door and rotates back and forth for a moment. Then, it fades from view.  
  
The chair flings away from the door propelled by the force of the spell, forcing Jade to dodge, rolling to the floor.  
  
The door handle jiggles, and then it flings open, smashing Dave against the wall.  
  
Through the door walks a young woman who is a messy tangle of austere edges and points - but definitively human. She wears a red blindfold, and sky blue robes cut for ease of movement over body armor, and carries a white cane crafted in the shape of a fanciful servant.  
  
She walks in, tapping her cane around to find her way.

Terezi: T1SK T1SK T1SK!  
Terezi: *SH3 HOLDS H3R C4N3 1N BOTH H4NDS ONC3 SH3 1S 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 ROOM, 4ND G3NTLY PR3SS3S DOWN ON BOTH 3NDS, FL3X1NG 1T.*  
Terezi: *TH3 3ND 1S 3XQU1S1T3LY SH4RP.*  
Terezi: 1 H4V3 N3V3R M3T 4 SLOPP13R BUNCH OF N3CROM4NC3RS 1N MY L1F3! Terezi: *W1TH 4 FLOUR1SH, SH3 BR4ND1SH3S H3R C4N3 4ND T4K3S 4 W1D3 ST4NC3.* Terezi: 3N G4RD3! 

>Feferi: Elucidate (cont.) 

As Feferi does her best to explain the situation to John in more detail, she paints an elaborate picture through the use of sorcery, drawing pictures and glyphs in the air to illustrate the different points of the predicament they are in, in much the same detail as Rose elaborated in her journal entry. 

Feferi: Now t)(at your world )(as drifted close enoug)( to t)(e surface of t)(e abyss t)(at it can be accessed, everyt)(ing )(as c)(anged, and someone out t)(ere in t)(e universe jumped at t)(e c)(ance to interfere and take advantage of your unique situation.  
Feferi: T)(at is w)(y you're )(ere. T)(at is w)(y your people were kidnapped from t)(eir world. It was never about just enslaving you - it was about taking advantage of t)(e unique power over reality t)(at you and your friends )(ave - a power you gain from t)(e fact t)(at you are ever so slig)(tly "not real."  
Feferi: You're out of balance wit)( t)(e Midst - t)(e real world. And t)(e result is t)(at you're not compatible wit)( t)(is plane of reality.  
John: *john shifts uncomfortably in his chair.*  
John: *it's a lot to take in to be honest. and he's wondering why rose didn't just explain to this when he ran into her earlier. did she know?*  
John: so what you're saying is...  
John: somebody probably wants to turn us into a weapon or something.  
Feferi: Or somet)(ing, yes.  
John: hmmm.  
John: i don't know why but the fact that someone is trying to take advantage of our curse  
John: bothers me a lot more than the fact that we're cursed, actually.  
Feferi: You're from one of t)(e poorest worlds in t)(e universe, and you're under a curse!  
Feferi: W)(oever's trying to exploit you s)(ould be as)(amed.  
John: okay but how does your mom know about our situation anyway?  
John: it seems kind of odd that she could have found out about it so fast.  
Feferi: It's because  
Feferi: A long time ago, s)(e was involved.  
Feferi: T)(e person w)(o is be)(ind t)(is w)(ole t)(ing - or persons or organization or w)(atever - act t)(roug)( a lot of middlemen  
Feferi: And t)(ey asked )(er to do somet)(ing for t)(em w)(en s)(e was muc)( younger t)(roug)( one of t)(ose middlemen.  
Feferi: S)(e's a clever woman, so s)(e caug)(t onto t)(e fact t)(at t)(ere was somet)(ing bigger t)(an )(er going on, and decided to keep tabs on t)(e w)(ole sc)(eme from a distance.  
Feferi: And s)(e wants your )(elp to try and figure out w)(o is be)(ind it, and w)(at t)(ey want.  
Feferi: Because you're apparently part of a sc)(eme t)(at )(as been in motion for many many years.

John leans forward in his chair and puts his face in his hands. There's a question on his mind that has been slowly forming because of his history lesson with Vriska, and a pit is forming in his gut.

John: so...  
John: feferi thanks for explaining everything but i need to know  
John: if all this started and my world got... sunk or shrouded or whatever  
John: near the end of your people's civil war  
John: that was a thousand years ago wasn't it?  
Feferi: Yes it was.  
John: so we were in that... dream... stasis... thing  
John: that whole time?  
Feferi: Yes.  
John: Wow.  
John: *He leans back in his chair, and breathes a long sigh of shock.*  
Feferi: I understand if you need to sit for a w)(ile to process t)(at.  
John: one thousand _years..._  
Feferi: If you need me to bring you some more coffee or cake say t)(e word.  
John: oh my god.  
John: i mean...  
John: man.  
John: i don't even know if that's strictly a bad thing.  
John: like... nobody i know aged and died while i was... dreaming i guess?  
John: still... it's so weird to think that like... that whole time i was just kind of... stuck in a haze.  
John: while the rest of the universe just went on without me.  
John: without us i mean.Feferi: If you don't mind me offering you an opinion  
Feferi: I think you s)(ould be -EXCIT-ED.  
John: excited?  
Feferi: Sure. T)(ink of it as a new lease on life.  
Feferi: You've been displaced a t)(ousand years and to anot)(er world  
Feferi: And now you )(ave a c)(ance to live in a time and place t)(at is muc)( more important t)(an t)(e place you were born in  
Feferi: And you )(ave a c)(ance to do a lot more good for a lot more people t)(an you'd ever )(ave been able to do in t)(e place you were born.  
Feferi: And if w)(oever is be)(ind t)(is plan )(as evil in mind  
Feferi: You )(ave t)(e ability to stop t)(em.  
Feferi: *S)(e pounds )(er fist into )(er open palm.*  


Suddenly, a disturbance down the hall interrupts them. Someone is making a racket outside of the sitting room. 

Feferi: W)(at t)(e )(ell could t)(at be?  


>Roxy: Run! Run! As fast as you can! 

He can't get away from her. She is the gingerbread man from hell!  
  
Ahead of her, Nepeta dashes through a wide archway,  
  
and through the sitting room past a startled Feferi and John.  
  
Then Roxy flies through after Nepeta with a whoosh.  
  
Then Meenah dashes through after Roxy.

Meenah: )(i sis  
Meenah: bye sis  
Feferi: 38(  
John: :D  
John: that was my friend roxy! i'd recognize her anywhere!  
John: although... she looked kind of different?  
Feferi: >38( T)(AT WAS MY SISTER MEENA)( AND S)(E'S CHASING YOUR FRIEND AROUND!  
Feferi: AAAARG)(.  
Feferi: *S)(e pops up from )(er c)(air.*  
Feferi: Come on. We've got to go stop t)(em from fig)(ting.  
John: right after you!  
John: *he floats up from his chair.*  


The two of them leave the room in hot pursuit. 

>Rose: See a woman about a dress. 

Elsewhere in the city, Rose stands outside of a cute little dress shop. Inside, there is a woman who is otherworldly beautiful, face almost perfectly symmetric, skin pale and opalescent, running the clothing store. Her cheeks redden as she watches her at work. 

Rose: *She can't help but stand outside the window for a bit longer, pining for the woman inside, before she enters.  
Kanaya: *As She Does She Notices That The Woman Is Not Human At All  
Kanaya: *A Pair Of Horns Sprout From Her Upright Hair And A Thin Pointed Tail Sways Between Her Legs As She Works*  
Kanaya: *Her Attention Is Drawn As The Silver Bell Over The Door Jingles*  
Kanaya: *She Smiles And Surveys Rose With A Measuring Eye*  
Kanaya: Hello There  
Rose: You're a devil, aren't you?  
Kanaya: I Am  
Kanaya: And You Are My New Client Are You Not  
Kanaya: The One The Old Man Told Me About  
Rose: I am. 


	27. Chapter 27

>Terezi: Dispense justice as judge, jury, and executioner 

That's a little extreme, but she's certainly here to kick some ass. The current situation is so completely illegal, and these reprobates have obviously got to be brought in for questioning. This whole thing is fishy, and stinks of probably being related to the sudden recent city-wide surge in negative energy.  
  
It also literally stinks because of the mess of protoplasm all over the walls and floor. And a blot on the wall through which pours a sour kind of smell - the smell that Nothing makes when it touches reality. Where the Blot intersects the wall, it slowly but surely eats away at reality around it. Bits of wall and particles of air pop and sizzle away at an invisible level. It's like the smell of electricity or hot metal, but accompanied by a chill temperature.  
  
It would be imperceptible to most people, but Terezi is not most people. 

Jade: who are you?  
Jade: were not necromancers were trying to stop this!  
Terezi: DON'T YOU KNOW 4N OFF1C3R OF TH3 OLD L4W WH3N YOU S33 ON3? YOU'R3 WORS3 4M4T3URS TH4N 1 THOUGHT.  
Terezi: YOU'R3 CL34RLY B3H1ND TH1S - 1 C4N SM3LL TH3 ST1NK OF TH3 4BYSS 4LL OV3R YOU.  
Terezi: BUT YOU'R3 4 V3RY GOOD L14R. TH3 ST1NK OF D3C31T 1S NOWH3R3 ON YOU.  
Terezi: BUT COM3 QU13TLY 4ND M4YB3 1'LL H34R OUT WH4T3V3R YOUR P4TH3T1C 3XCUS3S 4R3 4ND W3 C4N COM3 TO SOM3 K1ND OF UND3RST4ND1NG >:)  
Dirk: No thanks. It seems like you're probably even more in the dark about this whole situation than we are, and I have less than no interest in trading ignorance with you.  
Dirk: If you're here to deal with this problem, then you can deal with it. You seem better equipped to handle the situation than we are if you broke in here.  
Terezi: HUSH YOUR SM4RT MOUTH, M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3!  
Terezi: YOU S4Y 4 LOT OF SUSP1C1OUSLY OR4NG3 WORDS, 4ND TH3Y H4D B3TT3R ST4RT 4NSW3R1NG MY QU3ST1ONS 1NST34D OF V4RY1NG B3TW33N 1NSULT1NG COND3SC3NS1ON 4ND PROF3SS1ON4L FL4TT3RY!  
Dirk: Oh my god, what are you talking about?  
Terezi: TH3 ONLY W4Y YOU'R3 G3TT1NG OUT OF H3R3 1F 1 H4V3 MY W4Y 1S 1N CUFFS.  
Terezi: YOU'LL H4V3 TO G3T P4ST M3 OTH3RW1S3.  
Terezi: SO L1K3 1 S41D 4LR34DY, 3N G4RD3!  
Dirk: Nah. Later.  
Dirk: *Dirk vanishes through the Abyssal Stairs with a bang.*  
Jade: bye! sorry to cut and run!  
Terezi: NO!  
Terezi: *SH3 L4UNCH3S H3RS3LF 1N 4 FLY1NG K1CK, MOUTH OP3N 1N 4 M1GHTY B4TTL3 CRY.*  
Jade: *the air twists and jade disappears like dirk*  
Terezi: *SH3 L4NDS ON TH3 FLOOR 1N 4 TUMBL3.*  
Terezi: DAMN 1T!  
Dave: ugh  
Terezi: !!! >:O  
Dave: *dave puts a finger on the door and pushes it away, slowly slumping to the floor*  
Dave: this is just my life now huh  
Dave: getting smacked in the face every two seconds like a circus buffoon  
Dave: my fucking head  
Dave: im probably going to drop an entire category in terms of intelligence by the end of today alone  
Terezi: C34S3 YOUR MUMBL1NG! 4ND ST4Y WH3R3 YOU 4R3!  
Terezi: DON'T TRY 4ND T3L3PORT 4W4Y YOU'R3 CL34RLY TOO 1NJUR3D TO S4F3LY C4ST!  
Dave: okay nice bluff but that obviously doesnt have anything to do with teleporting  
Dave: or honestly i would have not been able to do it for like a while now  
Terezi: FUCK YOU.  
Dave: *he staggers to his feet*  
Dave: you too  
Dave: okay lets cut the horseshit youre clearly involved in our situation now so i kind of just want to figure out whats going on  
Dave: time for a lightning round  
Dave: who are you  
Terezi: 1'LL B3 4SK1NG TH3 QU3ST1ONS H3R3!  
Dave: oh wow that a hundred percent is going to intimidate me into answering  
Dave: but okay fine for the purposes of facilitating this diplomatic encounter im dave  
Dave: my friends and i are from another world and we got brought here by slavers  
Dave: weve got some intrinsic ghost mojo which is causing some problems obviously  
Dave: see this is called cooperation its this thing you do when you want to work together to solve problems with people who also want to solve problems  
Terezi: OH MY GOD! YOUR MOUTH 1S 4S SM4RT 4S M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3!  
Dave: ok his name is dirk but ok  
Dave: why are you calling him that  
Terezi: B3C4US3 H1S T3XTU4L 4UR4 1S 4 SUMPTUOUS L1GHT OR4NG3 >:)  
Terezi: WH1CH 4S 1T TURNS OUT, 1S MY S3COND F4VOR1T3 COLOR COMP4R3D TO YOUR OWN C4NDY C4NDY R3D WH1CH 1S MY 4LL T1M3 F4VOR1T3. SO YOU H4V3 4T L34ST SPOK3N W3LL FOR YOURS3LF 1N TH4T R3G4RD.  
Dave: k thanks that explains everything  
Dave: youre doing a great job of holding up your end of the lightning round so far  
Terezi: SM4RT 4SS!  
Terezi: OK4Y 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF K33P1NG YOU FROM T3L3PORT1NG 4W4Y 1'M T3R3Z1. 1'M 4 DH4RM4P4L4 4ND 1 W4S T1PP3D OFF TO SUSP1C1OUS N3CROM4NT1C 4CT1V1TY 1N TH1S 4R34 TH4T 1 H4V3 R34SON TO B3L13V3 1S R3L4T3D TO TH3 C1TY-W1D3 SURG3 1N N3G4T1V3 3N3RGY.  
Dave: a what  
Terezi: 4PPROX1M4T3LY TWO W33KS 4GO TH3 WHOL3 C1TY'S B4L4NC3 B3TW33N L1GHT 4ND D4RK DROPP3D S1GN1F1C4NTLY 1NTO TH3 D4RK!  
Dave: no i know about that  
Dave: thats our fault  
Dave: although we didnt do it on purpose it sort of just happened because of the aforementioned ghost mojo  
Dave: whats the thing you said you are  
Terezi: 4 DH4RM4P4L4!  
Dave: ok so apparently that means youre some kind of magic warrior cop  
Terezi: NO, 1'M 4 D3VOT33 OF TH3 OLD L4W!  
Terezi: DO GHOST P3OPL3 L1V3 UND3R 4 ROCK?  
Dave: racist  
Terezi: >:?  
Dave: maybe you should stop being a racist against ghosts  
Terezi: BL4RGH!  
Dave: anyway it sounds like what you want and what we want is the same thing so maybe instead of fighting us we should just team up  
Terezi: V3RY W3LL. 1 T3MPOR4R1LY 4CC3PT TH4T YOU 4R3 NOT 4 N3CROM4NC3R 4ND TH4T YOU 4R3 NOT GU1LTY OF D3F1L1NG TH3 D34D - 4T L34ST NOT ON PURPOS3!  
Dave: cool  
Dave: how do you fight them btw  
Terezi: TH3 D34D?  
Dave: yeah Terezi: YOU N33D W34PONS M4D3 FROM 31TH3R S1LV3R, OR DR34MSTUFF  
Dave: good see this is progress  
Dave: go team  
Dave: im gonna leave you alone to finish cleaning this place up since like dirk said youre clearly the expert  
Terezi: NO!!!  
Dave: peace  
Dave: *he falls down the stairs*  
Terezi: FUCK!  
Terezi: *SH3 ST4BS 4 SH4D3 W1TH H3R S1LV3R3D C4N3 1N 4NNOY4NC3, S3ND1NG TH3 SHR13K1NG CR34TUR3 D1SS1P4T1NG B4CK TO TH3 4BYSS 1N 4 CLOUD OF NOTH1NG.*  
Terezi: *UNFORTUN4T3LY D4V3 1S R1GHT. TH3R3 1S ST1LL 4 LOT TO CL34N UP H3R3.*  
Terezi: *TH4T BLOT 1S GO1NG TO B3 TOUGH TO CLOS3.*

>Kanaya: Make sexy eyes at Rose 

Luckily for Kanaya, much like Nepeta's cuteness and Equius' Beefcakeness, Kanaya's sexiness is simply a fact, and so the eyes that she makes at Rose are sexy by default. She succeeds effortlessly.  
  
She is also about a full head taller than Rose, who does her best not to act intimidated by her new acquaintance. Kanaya ushers her in, and sets to work getting measurements. 

Rose: If you don't mind my asking...  
Kanaya: How Did A Devil Like Myself Come To Own A Quaint Little Dress Shop Like This  
Rose: I take it you get that a lot.  
Kanaya: Often Enough  
Kanaya: Im the First Devil Many Of My Clients Have Personally Met  
Kanaya: I Take It Im Your First Too  
Rose: You are. I got the impression most devils are somewhat more grisly in appearance.  
Rose: That they're more often monsters than not.  
Kanaya: We Are  
Kanaya: *She Works While She Talks Walking Around Rose And Looking Her Over*  
Kanaya: And In Fairness So Am I  
Kanaya: Dont Be Deceived By My Outward Appearance  
Kanaya: Im Just A Succubus Instead Of A Gargoyle Or A Centaur Or Something Like That  
Kanaya: I Am As Thirsty As Any Of My Kind  
Rose: Then is the cost of my visit today blood or flesh instead of currency?  
Kanaya: No Though I Would Normally Accept That Instead Of The Usual Plastic Or Paper  
Kanaya: Not That I Have Too Many Takers For That  
Kanaya: Only A Few Regulars Who Also Indulge In Some Of My Other Services  
Kanaya: The Old Man Asked Me To Tailor For You As A Favor  
Kanaya: So Today Is Complimentary  
Rose: What's your relationship to Lord Caledonius?  
Kanaya: He Acquired Me From My Original Master  
Kanaya: The Man Who Created Me  
Kanaya: And Set Me Free  
Kanaya: The Only Condition In Our Pact Is That I Do Whatever I Like  
Rose: That sounds like an extraordinarily generous set of conditions for a Devil's pact.  
Kanaya: It Is Extraordinarily Generous  
Kanaya: Im Not Really Sure Why He Would Do It Except That It Must Be Part Of Some Plan Of His  
Kanaya: He Says He Considers Devils To Have A Lot More Potential Than We Are Given Credit For  
Kanaya: For Which I Suppose I Am Grateful  
Kanaya: What About You  
Kanaya: Whats Your Relation To The Old Man  
Rose: He's apprenticing me, apparently.  
Kanaya: Apprenticing You  
Kanaya: I Didnt Realize He Was Still Taking Apprentices  
Kanaya: Consider Me Impressed  
Rose: Thank you.  
Rose: What can you tell me about him?  
Rose: You're officially someone who has known him longer than I've known him.  
Kanaya: He Values His Privacy  
Kanaya: Even As A  
Kanaya: "Friend"  
Kanaya: Of HIs  
Kanaya: I Cant Promise That I Can Tell You Much Much  
Kanaya: What Do You Want To Know  
Rose: That's a good question.  
Kanaya: Take Your Time Formulating Your Response  
Kanaya: Im As Happy To Work In Silence As I Am To Chat  
Kanaya: Or I Could Provide Small Talk While You Think  
Rose: That's alright. I think I've got one.  
Rose: How exactly does one become a Realm Lord?


	28. Chapter 28

>UB: Explain the absence of content for the past couple of days. 

And while you're at it, the increase in breaks over the past couple of weeks! Hi everyone, I'm Übermensch Bodhisattva, and I wanted to let y'all in on what's been going on in my life for the past short little while. Around the 20th of January I was formally diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and since then I've been on medication that has made it a little harder for me to write because of the way it changes my brain chemistry. The result is that at least for a little while, I'm not going to be writing at maximum capacity, resulting in shorter chapters, and longer delays between them. It hopefully won't last forever - after about a month, it's supposed to truly normalize, and then I'll be back to full steam. If you want to keep up with me while you're waiting for the story to continue, you can still jump into the Discord, which is open to newcomers at all times: https://discord.gg/5Y7kTSf And if you've made it this far in Homesick without ever talking to me, thank you so much for reading my work so far. I promise that I have lots and lots more to write. 


	29. Chapter 29

>Ghostbusters: Reconvene at Caliborn's Secret Lab 

Dirk is the first to appear in the lab, shortly followed by Jade. The two of them wait anxiously for several minutes for Dave to reappear. Their reappearance only briefly stirs up Caliborn, the top of whose head, eyes only showing, appears gremlin-like over the lip of a nearby crate brandishing his crowbar before he realizes there is no threat and disappears once again. 

Jade: mmm...  
Jade: we should go back for dave  
Jade: i dont like this  
Jade: what if hes been captured by that weird girl!  
Dirk: He'll be fine. You're not giving him enough credit.  
Dirk: What's up with you, anyway?  
Dirk: I've never really known you to be much of a worry wart.  
Dirk: Much less about Dave.  
Jade: well...  
Jade: i guess its just...  
Jade: okay when we were all kids i used to really look up to dave and think he was this totally cool guy who had it handled all the time  
Jade: kiiiiind of like what i thought about you before that whole ridiculous debacle with jake >:P  
Jade: whatever the hell that was.  
Dirk: Hey!  
Dirk: There's no reason to bring that into all of this.  
Dirk: But okay fair.  
Dirk: Where are you going with this?  
Jade: well my point is im just worried about him... in general i guess.  
Jade: i got to know him a lot better while we were courting each other for a while when we were a little younger  
Jade: after your dad passed and you guys were working through that whole... cocktail of emotions  
Jade: he just really changed  
Jade: some of the ways were good!  
Jade: i think hes a lot more... honest with some of his emotions than he used to be  
Jade: and he tries not to be but i think hes a lot more vulnerable in general now that hes let his guard down  
Jade: and i just dont like the thought of him alone with someone or something violent  
Dirk: Oh.  
Jade: yeah. Dirk: So...  
Dirk: As long as we're on the subject of Dave, and as long as we're bringing up each other's romantic adventures...  
Dirk: I can't imagine you've really gotten the chance to like... talk to anyone about the way you've been feeling since he broke it off with you.  
Dirk: Which, for the record, is a decision I still don't really understand.  
Jade: oh god.  
Jade: i _really_ dont want to talk about _that_  
Dirk: I wonder if we're just cursed. I mean in ways other than the obvious literal curse that we're under.  
Dirk: Maybe Striders aren't allowed to have fulfilling, bilateral romantic relationships.  
Jade: oh dont say that.  
Jade: i know you think youre some kind of terrible dangerous person dirk but youre a pretty good guy just for trying _not_ to be  
Jade: i think theres someone out there for you  
Dirk: We'll see.  
Dirk: But...  
Dirk: Thanks for saying so.  
Dirk: ...How is he?  
Dirk: We haven't really talked much since I broke things off with him.  
Dirk: He's been doing the whole brooding loner routine.  
Dirk: Which is honestly a much better aesthetic for me than it is for him, but y'know. It's Jake. It's hard for him to have a "bad" aesthetic.  
Jade: hehehe :B  
Jade: i dont know  
Jade: i think its kind of hard to say  
Jade: i think he and dave are actually a lot alike in some respects  
Jade: neither of them is really the person that they like  
Jade: try to seem like they are on the surface  
Jade: but its kind of hard to say because i mean  
Jade: i already havent gotten to talk to _anybody_ for a while  
Jade: even my brother  
Dirk: Yeah.  
Jade: id better get going  
Jade: this is the last place that we want a deva to find  
Dirk: I'll drop in to let you know when Dave returns.  
Dirk: Make sure you tie one of those colorful reminders around your fingers so you don't forget to send Jake my way when he's finished with the Jane situation.  
Jade: oh right! thanks for reminding me  
Jade: it can be awfully hard to juggle everything when ive got all these irons in the fire  
Dirk: How are the irons in the fire if you're also juggling them?  
Jade: very carefully! the fire is all around me.  
Jade: i have to wear a flameproof holocaust cloak!  
Jade: *she wiggles her fingers to illustrate the flames around her.* woosh!!!!  
Dirk: Heh.  
Dirk: Alright. Later.  


Jade disappears through the stairs.  
  
Literal seconds later, Dave appears through the stairs. 

Dave: hey  
Dirk: Sup.  
Dave: wtf you left me to die  
Dirk: But you didn't die, did you?  
Dave: touché

>Feferi: Mediate 

Feferi and John pursue Meenah, Nepeta, and Roxy through the house, bounding around turns, up and down stairs, through hallways, until they at last all come to the grand sitting room once again. Feferi manages to impose herself between Meenah and Roxy, strafing back and forth as Meenah tries to get around her. 

Feferi: )(-EY!  
Feferi: M-E-ENA)(! I SAID CUT IT T)(-E FUCK OUT.  
Feferi: Put t)(e stupid trident down!  
Meenah: what  
Meenah: no way  
Feferi: Yes way!  
Meenah: no  
Meenah: wanna poke these sucaks up  
Feferi: Put it down.  
Feferi: I'm serious.  
Meenah: come on lemme puncture one of em  
Meenah: just a little  
Feferi: I said drop it.  
Meenah: what like on the floor  
Feferi: Yes on the floor!  
John: hi roxy! :D  
Roxy: hey john :3  
Roxy: sup  
John: for once in my life, a lot.  
John: are you a dude?  
Roxy: i am a dude  
Roxy: whos ur new friend  
John: this is feferi! i guess shes the sister of the girl chasing you.  
Roxy: hey feferi! :D  
Feferi: )(i Roxy.  
Feferi: Back away from the Trident, Meena)(.  
Feferi: Back a little furt)(er.  
John: what about your new friend? Roxy: this is nepeta  
Nepeta: :3 < hi john  
John: nice to meet you! :)  
Feferi: I SAID FURTH-ER >38(  
Feferi: No, not closer! Further!  
Meenah: man  
Meenah: why you gotta be so irresistibly cute when ur all shouty  
Meenah: aight fine god  
Feferi: T)(ank you.  
Feferi: W)(ew. Talk about )(igh maintenance.  
Feferi: As long as we're going t)(roug)( introductions, everyone, my sister Meena)(.  
Feferi: S)(e's KIND of an agent of mayhem.  
Meenah: aw 38)  
Meenah: sweetest compliment eva)(  
Feferi: )(us)(.  
Feferi: You are super busted when Mom gets home.  
Meenah: augh  
Meenah: why u gotta go an be a snitch  
Meenah: we was just havin a lil fun  
Meenah: rite ghost boy roxy  
Roxy: tòmót  
Meenah: see he agrees  
Meenah: bee tee dubs im pretty sure roxy aint a )(uman boys name  
John: it's not! roxy is usually a girl  
John: what's up with that, actually?  
Roxy: long story  
Roxy: actually its not that long  
Roxy: i got cursed by a goddess prolly named inanna  
Roxy: she made it so my genders get changed around every time i sleep  
Roxy: she prolly wants to bang me  
Meenah: w)(oa  
Meenah: you met inanna?  
Roxy: yeah  
Meenah: damn dude  
Meenah: or gurl  
Roxy: meh eithers fine  
Meenah: id actually care but ok  
Meenah: anyway  
Meenah: shes a badass bitc)( 38D  
Meenah: if you get in good with her you gotta introduce me  
Roxy: lolwut  
Meenah: gurl  
Meenah: dude  
Meenah: you got to  
Roxy: i dont think i got 2!  
Roxy: u were just tryna kill me like thirty seconds ago dude  
Meenah: okay sure but t)(at was just bein funny  
Meenah: t)(is is serious!  
Meenah: s)(es like the most ambitious and glamorous t)(ief in the universe  
Roxy: wait shes like  
Roxy: a goddess of stealing :o~  
Meenah: s)(it yea)(!  
Meenah: t)(ey dont call her the t)(ief of mes for not)(in  
Roxy: omg that sounds like the thief of memes thats gr8 :3  
Roxy: so whats her deal anyway i could look it up but havin a fellow enthusiast explain it seems much more interestin  
Meenah: nah  
Meenah: dude i suck at tellin stories and givin speeches and that shiz  
Meenah: u gotta talk to my gurl aranea if you want the goods on a choice piece of exposition  
Roxy: omg u know aranea thats hilarious :D  
Roxy: do all elves just know each other or smn  
John: roxy! you can't just ask if all elves know each other or something  
John: that's racist! probably.  
Meenah: nah its w)(atevs  
Meenah: s)(es just my )(omie from when we was all in sc)(ool  
Feferi: Alrig)(t t)(is is all great.  
Feferi: I'm glad we're all getting along and getting to know eac)( ot)(er now.  
Feferi: But we're kind of on a time limit )(ere!  
Feferi: Do you all mind if I catc)( Roxy up on t)(e situation?  
John: oh! yeah, go ahead.  
Meenah: uuuug)( fine  
Meenah: (our c)(ase aint over t)(o)  
Meenah: (im still gonna catc)( you goblin gurl in particular)  
Nepeta: :3 < :3  
Meenah: (yeah i see you lookin all cute over there but we bot)( know t)(e power t)(ats )(idin behind t)(at deceptively vacant expression)  
Feferi: A)(em.

She then proceeded to recount the same tale she already gave John. 


	30. Chapter 30

>Kanaya: Elaborate 

Kanaya takes several minutes selecting fabrics and conversing with Rose before answering the question, waving her fingers and doing magic. She is, it seems, a bit of an amateur sorceress herself, and puts her skill to good use moving fabrics around and getting her tools out.

Kanaya: Would You Like To Peruse Some Patterns Before We Begin Or Shall I Surprise You  
Rose: Since one of the most powerful men in the world recommended you to me personally, I think I'd really like to see what your sense of design can create without interfering.  
Rose: Please. Surprise me.  
Kanaya: *She Selects Some Fabrics In Violet Black And Gold And Gets To Work*  
Kanaya: I Think Ill Try To Make Something For You That Is Suitably Multipurpose  
Kanaya: Something That You Can Wear To Tonights Engagement But Also Continue To Make Use Of  
Kanaya: So It Should Be Very  
Kanaya: Maneuverable  
Rose: I'm excited to see what you come up with. But you've been dancing around my question with small talk.  
Kanaya: Right  
Kanaya: You Want To Know How One Becomes A Realm Lord  
Kanaya: And If Youll Excuse A Bit Of Speculation On My Part  
Kanaya: You Want To Know How He Became A Realm Lord  
Kanaya: Is That Also Correct  
Rose: If you want to exposit on the subject of his public history, I wouldn't stop you.  
Kanaya: Alright  
Kanaya: Well Im Not Much Of A Storyteller  
Kanaya: But Ill Do My Best  
Kanaya: How Much Do You Already Know About The Realm Lords  
Rose: I know that they're a group of powerful sorcerers who rule Sanctum and its client world-islands and that they're not elected. That's about the extent of my knowledge.  
Kanaya: Okay Well Theres A Lot To Explain Then But Ill See If I Can Strain Out The Important Things From The Unimportant Things  
Kanaya: Stop Me If I Start To Ramble Please  
Rose: I'll do my best.  
Rose: But don't worry, I think I could listen to you talk for quite a while without getting bored.  
Kanaya: Oh  
Rose: That was a compliment.  
Kanaya: Thank You  
Kanaya: Sorry If Im Not Taking It Very Well  
Kanaya: I Am A Little Wary Of Compliments  
Kanaya: Given The Purpose I Was Created For They Tend To Be  
Kanaya: Um  
Kanaya: Given With A Purpose In Mind  
Rose: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. What purpose were you made for?  
Kanaya: Oh Um  
Kanaya: *She Flushes And Averts Her Eyes*  
Kanaya: Im A  
Kanaya: I Mean I Was Made To Be A  
Kanaya: Plaything  
Kanaya: Im Not Anymore  
Rose: Oh.  
Rose: *She blushes, averting her eyes as well, embarrassed that she didn't guess that to begin with.*  
Kanaya: *They Stand In Awkward Silence A Moment*  
Kanaya: Anyway Realm Lords  
Rose: Right. Let's stay on task.  
Rose: I'm sorry for prying into your private life.  
Kanaya: No No Thats Okay  
Kanaya: Anyway Heres The  
Kanaya: "Deal"  
Kanaya: With The Realm Lords  
Kanaya: Theyre A Meritocratic Body Of Sorcerers And Philosophers Who Are Selected By Their Own Members And Remain Basically The Same In Number Over Time  
Kanaya: And The Rule Of Thumb Is  
Kanaya: If You Can Overcome One Of The Realm Lords In A Sorcerers Duel  
Kanaya: You Can Join Their Numbers  
Kanaya: And Since Theyre Some Of The Most Powerful Sorcerers In The Universe  
Kanaya: Though Not Uniformly So  
Kanaya: Its A Pretty High Bar  
Kanaya: And Its Not As Much Of A Uh  
Kanaya: Barbarian Clown Fiesta As Ive Made It Sound Like It Is  
Kanaya: The Selection Process Is Based In The Idea That Practice Of Sorcery Or At Least Of The Non Evil Branches Of Sorcery Is Likely To Produce Adept And Intelligent Administrators Because Of The Way It Involves Delving The Secrets Of The Universe In Order To Attain Enlightenment And Advance Oneself  
Kanaya: So It Also Involves Some Vetting And Usually Involvement In The Civil Bureaucracy Or The City Watch  
Kanaya: And Anyone Can Become A Realm Lord  
Kanaya: From Anywhere In The Universe Even Non Citizens Theoretically But Thats Extremely Rare  
Kanaya: Sorry If This Is A Little Sparse I Didnt Exactly Receive An Exemplary Civics Education  
Rose: That's alright, I'm learning.  
Kanaya: So I Dont Actually Know A Lot About How Caledonius Became A Member Of The Realm Lords  
Kanaya: As Youve No Doubt Heard Him Say  
Rose: He's a man who values his privacy.  
Kanaya: Ha Ha Ha  
Rose: Hehehe.  
Kanaya: But I Can Tell You What I Dont Know  
Kanaya: I Dont Know What He Did For The First Century He Was Alive Before Openly Becoming A Realm Lord  
Kanaya: But There Are Rumors That He Was Some Kind Of Mercenary  
Kanaya: A Close Confidante Of Another Realm Lord  
Kanaya: A Spy Or Information Broker Who Went Clean  
Kanaya: There Are Outlandish Stories That He Was A King Or Prince From Diadem Who Escaped To The Larger Universe In A Bid At Grander Rulership  
Rose: What's Diadem?  
Kanaya: The Holy World At The Center Of The Universe  
Kanaya: Its Very Hard To Leave Or Enter Because Of A Curse  
Rose: What do you believe about him?  
Kanaya: I Dont Know  
Kanaya: I Actually Try Not To Pry Too Hard Into Who He Might Have Been In The Past  
Kanaya: He Seems To Agonize Over It Whenever He Talks About It  
Kanaya: Hes Very Wistful  
Kanaya: And Given What I Owe HIm  
Kanaya: I Dont Want To Invade The Privacy He Works So Hard To Preserve  
Rose: Hmm.  
Rose: I suppose I can appreciate that.  
Rose: It sounds like you feel like you owe him a lot.  
Kanaya: I Do  
Kanaya: But It Seems You Dont Feel The Same  
Kanaya: Im Sorry For Being So Candid But  
Kanaya: I Actually Get The Impression You Intend To Pry Into His Private Affairs  
Rose: You seem like you're more than just a tailor.  
Kanaya: I Am More Than Just A Tailor  
Rose: Well, I suppose if you want to report on me to him or something, I can't stop you.  
Rose: Let's just say that he's not the only source I intend to rely on in terms of seeking the well being of my people and my world.  
Rose: But I'm grateful for what he's done for me so far.  
Kanaya: You Dont Trust Him  
Rose: No.  
Kanaya: Well Thats Probably Wise  
Rose: What happened to owing him your life? Isn't that the line from a moment ago?  
Kanaya: Okay Yes  
Kanaya: Trusting Him Is A Different Matter  
Kanaya: Hes Still A Dangerous Person  
Kanaya: All The Realm Lords Are  
Kanaya: Dangerous People Are Important  
Kanaya: They Just Need More Mindful People To Confide In And Help Steer Them Right  
Kanaya: Everyone Has An Important Job To Do  
Rose: You said you get the impression he's apprenticing me.  
Rose: Do you think he thinks I'm dangerous too?  
Kanaya: Oh Yeah Definitely

>Jake: Plead Jade's Case 

After Jane finishes pleading much the same case as Feferi has just begun pleading with Roxy (and just finished pleading with John), she and Jake stand across the room from one another in tense silence.  
  
Tense because she can tell that he doesn't believe a word of it, which is extremely uncharacteristic of him. 

Jane: Well? Are you going to say anything about it? About how you're on board and you trust me to make the right decision, Jake?  
Jane: Darling?  
Jake: Well... jane its not that i dont trust you to make the right decision  
Jake: Its just that jade got to me first!  
Jake: And she has sources of her own!  
Jane: I know. You've told me.  
Jake: Look jane like i said its not that i dont trust you.  
Jake: But i think that your judgement is clouded by the fact that you see this woman as kind of like yourself  
Jane: What in the good gracious gives you that idea?  
Jake: Its just a feeling i get  
Jane: Well maybe I do! She's an ambitious, driven woman, and she's got a plan to help us save our people!  
Jake: Maybe she has! But do you trust her more than you trust jade?  
Jane: Jade... doesn't know everything, Jake.  
Jane: And to be honest, sometimes, I think her family has other agendas? I mean, those wizards have always vied for power with my family...  
Jake: Jane! That's _my_ fricking family you're talking about!  
Jane: Well golly, Jake. You know that's not what I meant. And in any case... I guess it won't be too much longer before that's not an issue any more... with us getting married, it'll form an alliance between our families.  
Jake: Hmm  
Jane: Hmm?  
Jake: Hmm!  
Jane: What's hmm?  
Jake: I dont know.  
Jake: But it sounds like youre not going to be dissuaded from sticking it out with this peixes woman  
Jane: No I'm not. I'm going to give her a chance, Jake. We've got to take the help that we can get from the people who are willing to give it. We're not in a very strong position here.  
Jake: Then i guess id better go and tell jade  
Jane: Ugh! Then you're not going to bend on this either?  
Jake: I want to believe you that shess got our best interests in mind!  
Jake: And i believe that you believe that!  
Jake: But i guess  
Jake: I trust that jades got a better idea of whos good and whos not than you do  
Jane: Look... don't go. At least let me introduce you to her daughters. They're sort of her... liaisons.  
Jane: Feferi's such a sweetheart... I think if you meet her, you'll change your mind.  
Jake: Alright. Meeting a new friend never hurts.  
Jane: *She leads him out the door, and down a long series of hallways.*  
Jane: Good grief, what's gotten into you, anyway? You seem so combative.  
Jane: You're normally so sweet!  
Jake: Sorry i suppose.  
Jake: A lots happened since i got here!  
Jake: And i guess that im feeling a little tense.  
Jane: Well relax.  
Jane: We're making real progress toward getting home... or at least saving our home, and then maybe having the option of going back if we want to. I could get used to life on Sanctum.  
Jake: Maybe I could to. I'll have to see more of it.  


The two of them come down the stairs, and head toward the grand sitting room. As they approach, they hear conversation, and then familiar voices. Jane picks up the pace, and soon the two of them are jogging down the hallway toward the door. 

Feferi: O)(! Jane! T)(ere are some people )(ere w)(o I'm sure are going to be -EXCIT-ED to see you 38)  
Jane: :B  
Roxy: :3  
John: :D  
Jake :O  


Everyone bursts into simultaneous greetings and swarm toward the middle of the room. 

Meenah: (god damn why all these humies gotta be so fuckin heartwarmin) 


	31. Chapter 31

>Rose: Accessorize 

Ordinarily, the creation of a dress would take days or even weeks - but Kanaya is by no means ordinary. Even beyond her minor talent for sorcery, she is already an exquisite tailor, having thrown herself into her chosen passions now that she has the power to pursue them at all.  
  
At times it is difficult for her to motivate herself to do so. For a devil emancipated from service, many distractions still loom. Unwanted memories of days past, unwanted stirrings for the girl in front of her - who is, in fairness, both pretty and charming - and even with a good source of sustenance, the specter of starvation hangs over her as it does all devils.  
  


Kanaya: *But The Dress Is Finished Right Now And Its Lovely* 

So it is. 

Rose: Kanaya?  
Kanaya: Yes Sorry  
Kanaya: Just Taking A Nice Deep Breath  
Kanaya: I Think This Is Ready  
Kanaya: Would You Like To Try It On  
Rose: I'd be delighted to.  
Rose: *She strips down once more, and takes the dress, putting it on in the mirror with the demoness' help.*  
Kanaya: *The Dress Is In Purple And Black With Gold Accentuations And Sash With A Buckle Stylized As A Human Skull*  
Rose: Hmm... A little macabre.  
Kanaya: I Thought It Would Suit You  
Kanaya: Forgive Me For Presuming But You Seem To Me A Macabre Sort Of Person  
Rose: *She turns around, examining herself from instant angles.*  
Rose: Well, ignoring the fact that this is probably the nicest piece of clothing I've owned in my entire life, and I therefore don't have a lot of experience to use to critique it,  
Rose: I like it.  
Rose: Seeing some of the dress styles worn in the city - including the one you've got on - I was concerned that it'd be unwieldy, but you kept your promise.  
Rose: It moves very nicely, and it's eminently comfortable.  
Rose: If it weren't for the fact that I'm starting to get accustomed to the idea of being "clean," I'd probably be inclined to wear it all the time actually.  
Rose: *She can't resist the urge to fawn a little in the mirror.*  
Rose: I think once we're through this whole situation, you and I might strike up a profitable business relationship.  
Kanaya: That Sounds Amenable  
Kanaya: If You Dont Mind My Asking By The Way  
Kanaya: Where Are You From  
Kanaya: You Keep Alluding To Your Past In A Way That Makes It Sound Like Youre Not From Sanctum  
Kanaya: Which Is Surprising Because Honestly You Fit Right In  
Rose: I'll take that as a compliment.  
Rose: I'm from an uncontacted world.  
Kanaya: That Would Explain His Reticence To Explain Anything About You  
Kanaya: Meddling In Uncontacted Worlds Is Pretty Illegal  
Rose: I get the impression that the sorcerer oligarchs who rule the city can get away with doing things that are pretty illegal.  
Kanaya: Yeah Thats Pretty Accurate  
Kanaya: You Still Probably Shouldnt Flaunt That Around  
Kanaya: You Know  
Kanaya: Just To Be Careful  
Rose: I'll take that under advisement.  
Maryam: Then I Suppose Youre Going To Go Do Some More Sorcerer Business Of Your Own  
Rose: I am.  
Maryam: Alright  
Maryam: Ill Look Forward To Working With You Some More In the Future I Suppose  
Rose: Count on it.  
Rose: *She heads for the door, and picks up her other change of clothes on the way out.* Rose: And if it's not an imposition, maybe once things calm down a little, we can do something together outside of work.  
Rose: *She heads out the door, jumps, and doesn't come down.* Kanaya: *Kanaya Watches Her Leave*  
Kanaya: :o  


Someone knocks on the back door of her house. 

>Caliborn: Continue Prairie-dogging 

Caliborn prairie-dogs just a bit more as the last member of the ghostbusters reappears in his lab, and Dave and Dirk start conversing, before shaking his head, and heading back to his workbench.  
  
He could keep working on the project he and Dirk - and Jake for that matter - have been working on. Mostly him and Dirk, but it serves to have a studly himbo on the team for manpower purposes. Which, as you might be able to guess from the syntax, is something Dirk said, not Caliborn. 

Caliborn: *CALIBORN CLEARS SHAKES HIS HEAD TO CLEAR IT OF ANY INTRuSIVE THOuGHTS ABOuT ANYONE BEING STuDLY OR A HIMBO. THAT IS JuST NOT A THING THAT YOu THINK. ABOuT YOuR CHOICE BROMO SAPIENS. IT IS THE HEIGHT OF INDECENCY. TO DWELL ON ANOTHER DuDE'S PHYSIQuE. LIKE HE'S SOME PIECE OF MEAT. INSTEAD OF A FELLOW GENTLEMAN AND MAN-PAL.*  
Caliborn: *THERE IS IMPORTANT FuCKING WORK TO DO. AS MuCH AS HE WOuLD LIKE TO LAY AROuND DOING NOTHING BuT THINK ABOuT MANLY TOPICS SuCH AS GETTING RIPPED. PRACTICING THE WEAPON ARTS. AND DISCuSSING THE PHILOSOPHIES. HE CAN'T SIT AROuND ALL DAY WITH HIS DICK IN HIS HAND. OR HE DOESN'T KNOW. YAMMERING THE DAY AWAY.*  
Caliborn: WHAT ARE THOSE TWO TALKING ABOuT OVER THERE ANYWAY.  


On the table in front of Caliborn are a variety of implements, representing his variety of interests. He enjoys working with robotics, and piezoelectric devices. He has managed to get Dirk interested in the former, while the latter remains uninteresting to him.  
  
There is a book on drawing that is open on its face, accompanied by a handful of sheets of paper with partially finished drawings, which he unluckily failed to keep out of Dirk's hands. His drawings are not very good. Watching the two of them talking over his shoulder, he can see that it looks like Dave is similarly snoopy. He restrains the urge to stop him from examining some of the gadgets Caliborn has put together over time.  
  
There is also a book on chess theory, which similarly to the drawing guide, is open on its face.  
  
What are those two talking about over there anyway?  
  
Let's find out. 

>Dave: Give Dirk the goods. 

Dave: so yeah basically shes just a martial artist space cop deputy who probably works for the devas  
Dave: but shes just as in the dark as we are  
Dave: which says to me that theyre probably not talking to their people  
Dirk: Right. Want to keep our existence or influence a secret from the public.  
Dirk: I can see why they'd want to. If there are other situations like the miniature zombie apocalypse that happened back in your apartment in other places around the city that are being spontaneously generated by people like us, and nothing the average person can do to help...  
Dirk: They probably want to prevent mass panic.  
Dave: yeah idk i dont really know whats going on with the devae  
Dave: because one of them attacked me and roxy but it didnt seem to be trying to kill us or even capture us  
Dirk: You got in a fight with one of the Star Gods?  
Dave: yeah  
Dave: it was pretty intense  
Dave: and he was fuckin ripped  
Dirk: Interesting. I have a good feeling I'll be able to get a good look at one in the near future, so thanks for assuring me that it's worth the ogle.  
Dave: yeah i guess it would make sense that they would like style themselves as peak human physique  
Dave: good way to make sure that people know not to fuck around when they show up on the scene  
Dirk: Right because the flames don't do the job.  
Dave: nah dawg theres no kill like overkill  
Dave: when this all blows over we should set up a business consulting with devas to help them look as extremely threatening yet stately as possible  
Dave: im thinkin of like a cape with pauldrons or epaulets what about you  
Dirk: Oh yeah, a hundred percent on board with that. Probably some faux tattoos too.  
Dave: sick flames  
Dirk: And spikes. Don't forget deadly spikes.  
Dave: hell yeah  
Dave: although honestly these are starting to sound more like demons than devas  
Dirk: We'll workshop it.  
Dave: nice  
Dave: okay but seriously the answer that you gave me to like leaving to dry back there was kind of a non fucking answer  
Dirk: Fair enough.  
Dirk: I guess this is kind of a stupid thing to say but...  
Dirk: I think I was trying to give you a little space?  
Dirk: I've been trying to... micromanage less.  
Dirk: Do less of the whole like, "engineer situations to make you stronger because you're not tough enough" thing that I've been... known to do.  
Dirk: Just trust that you know what you're doing and that you can handle yourself and make your own decisions in a fight.  
Dirk: It's tricky trying to adapt to changing relationships. You know how it is.  
Dave: you dont have to say "you know how it is" dude were talking about our relationship not our relationships with other people lol  
Dave: okay well i appreciate that but could you try not to agonize over micromoral decisions when were in like  
Dave: actual life threatening danger  
Dirk: Yeah. I might be overcorrecting a little.  
Dave: alright  
Dave: i do appreciate the real talk though  
Dirk: Yeah.  
Dave: so anyway whats with the guy who brained me you said hes not actually that bad  
Dirk: No, he's not.  
Dirk: *He looks over to the work area, where Caliborn is obsessing over their project.*  
Dirk: You should get to know him. He's a smart guy, if a little irascible. Has a lot in common with me. Has a lot in common with us, actually. I'll let him give you the lowdown when he's ready, he actually kind of hates talking about himself in a way that isn't like  
Dirk: The most bizarrely endearing self-aggrandizement.  
Dave: nice  
Dirk: We're working on something together. Have been for a minute, actually.  
Dave: any chance i could pull you away from it to enjoy some jams tonight  
Dave: im going to be djing a party  
Dave: which is basically like being a bard i guess but like its hard to explain  
Dave: id take you back to my apartment and show you but its kind of ghost goo central right now  
Dirk: Can't make it. The aforementioned project is going to be finished tonight too.  
Dirk: I'd love to be there, but well.  
Dirk: Time flies.  
Dirk: Anyway, don't you think you should be taking this all a little more seriously?  
Dirk: Situation's kind of intense, clearly.  
Dave: i mean sure but there are clearly some competent people who have this shit on lock and honestly  
Dave: im kind of exhausted after getting the shit beat out of me at least four times today  
Dave: i would cancel on my crew except honestly this shit is so much fun  
Dave: i figure weve already been bumming around here for two weeks so whoevers doing nefarious schemes around us is clearly on a long time table  
Dirk: Fair enough.  
Dave: aight imma split  
Dirk: See you. I'll be in touch through shared dreaming if we don't run into each other in person before we sleep again.  
Dave: oh shit  
Dave: thats pretty cool  
Dave: explain that some more when you do that i guess  
Dave: later  
Dave: oh and later caliborn  
Dave: no hard feelings about the frying pan or whatever to the skull  
Dave: yeah he cant hear me from over here  
Dave: peace  


He drops through the stairs. 


	32. Chapter 32

>Humies: Be more heartwarming 

The mob of kin and friends converge in the middle of the room, dogpiling each other, each trying to get a word in edgewise, as Meenah and Feferi look on in enjoyment. After all, though there is work to do, there is time aplenty for a little reunion between parted comrades.  
  


John: so i showed up at the port sometime and everything was kind of a blur for a while but i got registered with the government and does anybody remember how we actually got here in the first place?  
Roxy: ye! we got rescued by these navy guys after i sabotaged the pirates en-gun or whatevs its called! they came in guns blazing and picked us up off the ship  
Jake: Is that what happened! It felt like the whole bleeding universe was coming apart! And it's awfully hard to remember the first handful of things that happened when we got off of the ship...  
John: i bet that the reason its so hard to remember everything before we got to the city is because we were basically in memory-ghost hell for a thousand years... kind of like what happens to the main character in this video game that ive discovered when they get buried in an underground bunker in cryosleep for two hundred years.  
Jake: Enkidus fucking chest hair john! A thousand years?!  
Roxy: oh yeah jake fef just explained this to me + john we were cursed and weve been going in circles in dream brain ghost fog for a whole millennium bc of some bad shit thats going on in the universe  
Jane: See, this is why we've got to commit to working together with Lord Peixes, Jake! We've been badly hoodwinked, not just by dastardly pirates, but by someone with a much bigger agenda! There's something mysterious going on, and we're in the thick of it!  
Jake: Bugger! Roxy is that true?  
Roxy: idk! it seems like it probs is bc another realm lord gots _mad_ interest in our whole situation  
Jake: Well Jade has been in contact with... well with someone influential and powerful and secretive too and she says we shouldnt fall in with peixes!  
John: yeah that doesn't surprise me.  
John: i don't exactly trust our current guy, lord caledonius either.  
Roxy: ye he got the old creepy uncle vibe that rose totally got a hardon for  
Jake: Good grief.  
Jake: More and more realm lords threading their plots into our own eh?  
Jane: Speaking of hard-ons... Roxy, I couldn't help but notice you're looking a little... masculine.  
Roxy: oh ya :3  
Roxy: its a long story  
Roxy: not actually tho i just had a run in with a goddess of shenanigans and she cursed me  
Roxy: she probably wants 2 fuck me.  
Jane: Good heavens!  
Roxy: what do u think about that, eh janey?  
Roxy: a goddess thinks im fuckable  
Roxy: wbt u, whatchu think? ;3  
Jane: What's that! supposed to mean! :#B  
Jane: I mean, you certainly cut a striking figure!  
John: Roxy, did you just make a pass at my sister right in front of me?  
John: Jeez dude!  
John: Not very subtle!  
Roxy: im just playin around  
Roxy: (...unless~ ;3)  
Jane: (Shucks buster! That was some look!)  
Jane: Anyway! Who's this young lady with you?  
Roxy: dis is nepeta, shes like the best stealsis an aspiring cat burglar could ask for ¦3  
Nepeta: :3< um... hi there! its very nice to meet u lol  
Nepeta: :3< sorry im not saying much its just a lot of people to meet in a very short time.  
Roxy: thats okay nep u dont got to do anything that makes u uncomfy  
Jane: Lovely to meet you Nepeta. I'm sure we'll be very good friends.  
Jake: Capital to make your acquaintance a friend of roxys is a friend of mine!  
Nepeta: :3< awww! you guys are making me blush!  
Nepeta: :3< youre all so sw33t hehe  
Roxy: neway i got here pretty much the same way john did wbt u guys  
Jane: After I showed up here, I got fast-tracked to see Lord Peixes! She figured out we were in the city right out of the gate... and singled me out for reasons that still aren't clear to me.  
Roxy: ok not 2 immediately take sides in this lil debate but doesnt that seem the slightest bit suspicious to you?  
Jane: Of course it's a little suspicious!  
Jane: This whole situation is suspicious!  
Jane: No offense, you two.  
Feferi: O)( no offense taken!  
Meenah: yea)( mom is a stone cold badass w)(o dont take no s)(it from nobody but like  
Meenah: s)(e a crafty beeyotc)(  
Meenah: yall smart to keep an eye on )(er tb)(.  
Feferi: I'll understand if t)(at means you don't want to take up our offer Jo)(n.  
John: what are you deferring to me for?  
John: and not like... anybody else in the party?  
Meenah: oh come on blue boy youre obviously holdin the reins to this bitch  
Roxy: yeah i dont have a problem nominating john to be our leader  
Jane: Not to turn this into a contest, but shouldn't I be the leader? I'm the Tanist!  
John: i don't have a problem with you being the leader  
John: but... on the other hand... i'm not sure that i trust lord peixes.  
John: and... rose is already sort of leading her own sort of effort...  
Jane: Oh... of course she is, I don't know why I didn't think of that.  
John: but like roxy said, i'm not sure we can trust the other guy either...  
Feferi: You said it's Lord Caledonius, right? He is kind of a rival to my Mom so... it sounds like you guys have a pretty serious conflict of interest here.  
John: look, i don't think that we have to follow anyone person's plan here.  
John: i have a source too! it's these clown guys, which is less ridiculous than it sounds. but only a little.  
Roxy: clowns? :3  
Feferi: It might be t)(e mockers.  
John: yeah! i think it is! what do you guys know about the mockers?  
Meenah: o)( man i love those s)(itty clowns  
Meenah: and id be )(ella stoked to wax r)(apsodic about t)(em  
Meenah: but u)( yall s)(ould probably check out the floor yo  
Meenah: its looking mad iffy yo  
John: ick!  
Feferi: O)( no. This is bad...  


Everyone recoils as they look down. A viscous, oily substance flows in a thin film over the floor, flowing in rippling waves from the feet of the four of the offworlders. 

Jane: Eeeeww!!!  
Jane: *She springs up into the air, floating away from the oily gunk.  
Roxy: *roxy's already in midair, floating next to jake who has jumped up even quicker than john*  
Roxy: oh dude that is nasty  


First one sticky clawed hand reaches up out of the mire, and claws at the ground, as though to pull itself up out of a pool. It is quickly followed by another, and another. 

Jake: Yikes.  
John: i've got a very bad feeling about this. 

>Rose: Answer your other source. 

Rose's day takes her now into the city underside, far from the cloying light and the prying eye of the Sun far overhead, and into the perpetual gloaming created by the stalactitesque buildings, and the tenebro maze of catwalks, streets, stairways and elevators to ferry travelers from one level of the city to another.  
  
One level of the city after another passes her by as she proceeds to the appointed location for contact, into an abandoned section of the city, and to a stony structure that may once have been a temple. The inside is heavily defaced via profane imagery, its octagonal floor plan covered in rubble.  
  
Sections of the city like this are much more prominent in the underside, where living conditions are hostile to the less hardy, and where the more well-to-do do not go. There are also sections like this in the upper half of the city, still left unreclaimed after a civil war one hundred years ago. Rose does not know this, but I don't mind elaborating on things myself every once in a while instead of subtly provoking other actors to inform you on my behalf.  
  
She steps into the cavernous building interior. Whatever items of value may have once decorated the place - precious stones and metals to filigree the walls and floor, decorations and loose objects - have been looted long ago. She walks up to the altar. Whoever's image once stood before the altar has been defaced as well, and is unrecognizable.  
  
This place is clearly a temple made into a place of the taboo, profane, and occult by blasphemers, perhaps worshippers of some demon or dark force, or merely by worshippers of a rival god. It is a place haunted by animus. In short, it is exactly the sort of place Rose Lalonde thrives, and exactly the sort of place ideal to contact her other source.  
  
She sits in the middle of the floor, crosses her legs, closes her eyes, and breathes deep, lowering her consciousness into the Abyss. The walls of the desecrated fane fall away, to be replaced by utter blackness all around. And then, the space immediately around her is lit in blue, as a burning blue iris, as far across as she is tall, appears in the blackness in front of her.  
  
A sonorous, mellowly gregarious voice greets her. 

Lob: Welcome, Rose Lalonde.  
Rose: Hello, Lob Loreth.  
Lob: How go your studies, student? I trust you have taken advantage of some of the introductory texts I have offered you in advancing your education in the mystic arts?  
Rose: I have found them to be adequate so far. Thank you for your gift.  
Lob: Of course. I am a generous benefactor to my students, and while our relationship shall remain strictly professional, it delights me to hear that you are finding them of use.  
Rose: I assume you contacted me because you have a task for me to perform in exchange for the gift you provided me?  
Lob: An astute observation. However, as you will come to understand, I like to choose students whose interests align with my own. It makes everything tidier. You won't find it to be onerous.  
Rose: I'm listening.  
Lob: I have reason to believe that the interests of the Dharmapalas put them on a... collision course with my own. A certain Terezi Pyrope has recently come into contact with your brother, David, and she will become a fixture in your present adventure if you remain on your current path. She might prove a valuable asset instead of a threat if she could be made to see reason.  
Lob: Seek her out for me. Get to know her. This is my command.  
Rose: I'll look her up. Thanks for the tip.  
Rose: Is it my turn to make requests again?  
Lob: You may ask a question. Am I not him who knows 1001 things?  
Lob: I will share with you 1 of them.  
Rose: You're humble too.  
Lob: Hohoho! You have a sharp tongue.  
Rose: Practice makes perfect.  
Rose: What can you tell me about the relationship between Lord Peixes and Lord Caledonius?  
Lob: Good question. 


	33. Chapter 33

>Lob Loreth: Exposit 

Lob: The history of your mentor with Peixes is somewhat tangled, and you do not have much time to spend consorting with me this afternoon given the other obligations you must keep in mind.  
Lob: So I will do my utmost to conserve time.  
Lob: The first thing you should understand is that they were once quite close.  
Lob: Partners in crime if you will.  
Lob: The two of them were in cahoots with a third Realm Lord, English, who is dead these five years.  
Rose: English like... Jake English?  
Rose: A peculiar coincidence.  
Lob: Indeed it is. I do not believe in coincidences. It is a presupposition of mine that has allowed me to amass a great deal of understanding concerning the inner workings of the cosmos.  
Rose: You're saying it's possible there is some connection between their English and our English?  
Lob: You are inferring that. English may be worth investigating.  
Rose: He may. To what extent is he relevant to my question?  
Lob: To the extent that the partnership fell apart for good coinciding - Ho Ho - with the death of Lord English.  
Rose: How did he die?  
Lob: He was found beaten to death in his estate, drowned in a pool of his own blood, both of his progeny missing.  
Lob: Both of whom have failed to resurface even under magical scrutiny.  
Rose: Was English a lynchpin holding the two together then?  
Lob: Of a sort.  
Lob: All three are historically quite self-interested and ambitious types.  
Lob: Without a third party to keep the two, whose somewhat contentious relationship already threatened to tear the team apart, they ceased to work together.  
Rose: Then their beef with each other is personal?  
Lob: To an extent.  
Lob: At least nominally, it is also ideological.  
Lob: But if you ask me, it is only nominally so. Their actions - both of them - are the actions of those who believe it is the right, or the duty perhaps, of the strong to rule over the weak.  
Rose: I think you're being reductive. Based on an only cursory understanding of my mentor's behavior, he is considerably more interested in the well being of those he has the power to protect.  
Lob: In their well being, certainly, but in their autonomy?  
Lob: Not that I care much.  
Lob: As one of the Princes of Pandemonium, I am hardly much "better," from that perspective, but being one who is comparatively weak, I suppose it is in your interest to assume that the strong who exercise their power over the weak are in some way intrinsically oppressive.  
Rose: Are you saying that I'm weak?  
Lob: No. Would it offend you if I did?  
Rose: I suppose it wouldn't.  
Rose: Good to know where one lies in the hierarchy of sorcerous powers.  
Rose: It makes it easier to gauge one's readiness to progress.  
Rose: If you had to guess, between Peixes and Caledonius, who is the more powerful?  
Lob: I do not have to guess.  
Lob: Between the two, Peixes is easily the more powerful.  
Lob: She is at least several hundred years his elder, and has a greater amount of power accumulated.  
Lob: But your mentor is the cleverer of the two.  
Lob: You should not trust either of them.  
Rose: Should I trust you?  
Lob: Good question.  
Lob: You're a smart young lady, Rose.  
Lob: You tell me.  
Rose: No.  
Lob: Why?  
Rose: Because you are a Demon.  
Rose: Like all Demons, you are an eater of flesh and a drinker of blood.  
Rose: And as a Prince of Pandemonium, you will have likely killed and eaten many thousands to slake your thirst.  
Rose: I am little more than a curiosity, and perhaps a morsel to you.  
Lob: Very good.  
Lob: So if you don't trust me already, why keep working with me?  
Rose: Because there are plenty of better targets for you.  
Rose: Because I am more valuable to you alive than I am dead.  
Rose: And because I am a uniquely interesting stakeholder in this drama due to my... abilities as someone who comes from a Sunken World.  
Lob: Is that a wager?  
Lob: I'm not predisposed to gambling.  
Lob: Mnoleg Arleccina might be your Prince of choice if you are.  
Rose: No. It's a deduction.  
Lob: Much more my speed.  
Lob: Let us proceed under the assumption that your deduction is correct then, since it would be the end of our professional relationship were it not.  
Rose: Let's.  
Lob: May I make a deduction of my own, Rose?  
Rose: I suppose you can do whatever you want.  
Lob: A good supposition.  
Lob: I deduce that you would not end our professional relationship even if your deduction were false.  
Lob: This is because you are negotiating with powerful players from a position of weakness, and it is to your advantage to be involved with as many of them as possible, particularly when their interests are in opposition to one another.  
Lob: And that even though this puts you in great danger, that doesn't matter because you are not afraid to die.  
Rose: That's a pretty wild guess.  
Lob: Perhaps it would be to you.  
Lob: It is not to me.  
Lob: I am him who knows 1001 things, after all.  
Lob: In any case, foolhardy courage is a trait which I value in my associates.  
Rose: Are you saying I'm a fool now, as well as weak?  
Lob: No. You are not a fool.  
Lob: If there is one thing I do not suffer, it is a fool.  
Rose: Does this conclude our conversation for this afternoon?  
Lob: Only if you are satisfied with the answer to your question.  
Rose: Hmm.  
Rose: One more morsel, then.  
Rose: What was the shared interest that kept English, Peixes, and Caledonius working together?  
Lob: Archaeology.  


>Feferi: Wield the Trident; Be the Water Witch. 

More dead things emerge slowly from the sticky morass on the floor as everyone scrambles away from the sticky pool in the center of the floor. Groaning shades pull themselves out of the Abyss. The four sunken worlders brandish their weapons - hammer, rifle, handgun, trident. Nepeta prickles, fur standing on end, and brandishes her claws.  
  
Feferi is unfazed. She floats gracefully away from the center of the pool and spins her trident deftly, like a parade marcher, before bringing the central prong down in the middle of the floor.  
  
Then, she says a magic word.

Feferi: River.

Her trident rattles against the floor, and water drips from the prongs, pooling at the base. Wherever it touches the oily goo, it pushes it back.  
  
The rattling grows into a rumbling, shaking the dead things and knocking them over into variously humiliating positions, as the steadier living beings (with the exception of Meenah) look to each other and then to Feferi for an answer. Outside, water pools against the floor-to-ceiling windows that dominate one wall of the sitting room, first splashing in little waves against the base, and then growing. The rumble grows to a roar, and suddenly a rush of water pours in from the sides of the windows, and further away in the garden, turning into a wall of water that batters against the windows. It grows, until it blocks out any visibility of the air outside, rattling the windows.  
  
The dead panic as they see the rushing water, stumbling away toward the other window.

John: :O  
Roxy: :O  
Jane: :O  
Jake: :O  
Nepeta: :3 < :O  
Meenah: 38)  
Feferi: Take a deep breath everyone!  


With a wave of her hand, the windows on both sides of the room fly open, and the wall of water rushes into the room. If it were not for the judicious warning, the incoming flood would drown everyone. As it is, it certainly drowns the inept dead beings.  
  
Or more accurately, the rushing water carries them away back into the Abyss from whence they came. Because the construction of the Midst ties together the natures of Water and Nothingness - linking them to concepts such as mystery and darkness - running water is inimical to dead beings. They cannot tolerate it. They cannot even cross it.  
  
As such, an oncoming wall of water destroys the shades on the spot, who disintegrate screeching back into the Realm Below, and the sorcery washes away the blot of protoplasm staining the floor as it undoes the beings who made their escape through it.  
  
Turned every which way by the flood of water, the living flounder and try to get their bearings, eventually managing to reorient themselves with gravity. They watch mystified, carried out into the garden. The waters of Feferi's spell do no damage to the plants and grass, and indeed, their force even seems to be blunted against John, Roxy, and the others.  
  
One by one, they surface, coughing and spluttering, and slowly, the waters subside. They have, at this point, all been carried far from the mansion. 

Feferi: Glub. Sorry for the unexpected torrent, everyone, but it wouldn't do for that to turn into a full-blown battle.  
Feferi: Not in the middle of the house, anyway.  
Feferi: It'll still probably take some cleaning up before Mom gets home 38(  
Nepeta: :3< *nepeta is all soaking wet and has to shake out her fur which is only kind of effective*  
Roxy: wowee dat wizord :0  
John: *john staggers to his feet, and starts walking over.*  
John: what the hell was that?  
John: not your water thing, that was cool.  
John: that horrible sticky stuff coming out of our feet - the protoplasm or whatever it's called  
John: and those weird black people coming out of the gunk.  
John: not black like uh, the kind of black that you are, you're very pretty they were more black like  
John: the color you see when you shut your eyes in a dark cave  
Feferi: They were dead people - shades - drawn to the world of the living by the smells of Life.  
Feferi: Not all ghosts are like that, but the ones who end up here are always like that.  
John: *john blenches*  
John: wait so you're saying  
John: oh man this is so fucked up  
John: you're saying that dead people can escape back into life as monsters through that black stuff?  
Feferi: Yes, they can.  
John: *A thrill of horror and guilt rush through John.*  
John: D:  
John: oh no  
John: the foreman!

John disappears down the Abyssal Stairs with a bang that startles everyone. 

Roxy: oh man  
Roxy: nep im go see what john is panicked about you wanna stay here with the rich people or go and help him do whatever he just heroically rushed off to do?  
Nepeta: :3 < definitely come!  
Nepeta: :3 < this has been the most adventurous day ive ever had no way am i getting off this train yet!  
Roxy: <3  
Roxy: *she takes neps hand and dives right down the stairs, tumblin head over heels*  
Feferi: Well that's probably for the best.  
Feferi: With fewer of them around, there's less of a chance of another event.  
Meenah: damn it  
Meenah: howm i sposed to track down goblin girl and ghost boy now  



	34. Chapter 34

>Jake: Abscond 

With the sudden departure of John and Roxy, Jane and Jake are left standing flat footed, a short distance across the garden from each other, soaking wet. As it happens, given their oceanic home, this is not the first time this has happened.  
  
She looks at him, perplexed and frowning now that the shock of the flood is over. It's a look of confusion she reserves for when Jake does something unexpected. Everything about the way this afternoon has gone down has been a little unexpected to be fair.  
  


Jake: So it seems like thats it then isnt it. Youre not going to let me convince you that maybe... you just shouldnt trust this peixes woman?  
Jane: Why are you being so single-minded about this, Jake? You've hardly talked about anything else since we first ran into each other!  
Jake: Well its just important thats all. I know im acting a bit like a bear with a sore head today but jades counting on me to talk to you about this and well  
Jake: You know how you are!  
Jane: Well how am I?  
Jake: Well... yknow...  
Jake: *Jake pulls at his non existent collar and then realizes he hasnt got one so he wipes his forehead instead feeling suddenly a bit put on the spot.*  
Jake: Ya just get an idea in your head of the way things are and then  
Jake: Its hard to change your mind thats all.  
Jane: Are you saying I'm stubborn?  
Jake: Well no... look im just trying to say youre  
Jake: Too determined sometimes thats all.  
Jane: You can't be too determined Jake, it's practically an entirely positive quality!  
Jane: Look in any case somebody's got to keep an eye on Peixes, surely. No offense girls.  
Feferi: None taken. Meenah: none taken  
Jake: Alright.  
Jake: Well thats pretty reasonable i guess.  
Jake: I still think you should listen to jade  
Jake: But i cant make you change your mind  
Jake: So i guess ill see you around then  
Jake: *He dog-whistles and runs off in the direction he left halley*  
Jane: *She reaches out after him to stop him.*  
Jane: Wait! Jake!  
Jane: Don't go.  
Jane: :(  
Feferi: *Feferi comes over and sets a )(and on Jane's shoulder.*  
Feferi: Boy troubles, huh?  
Jane: I guess so. I thought he'd have been happy to see me but I don't think he smiled once until John showed up.  
Feferi: Well, I know all about boy troubles. If you want to talk about it sometime.  
Jane: Thanks I guess. Meenah: aig)(t  
Meenah: well if yall are gonna do girl talk  
Meenah: i prolly better go get ready for tonig)(t  
Meenah: by w)(ic)( i guess i mean  
Meenah: gtfo a )(ere  
Meenah: cause i aint gettin all dressed up to go to a big fancy soiree Feferi: Aw, cmon Meena)( you s)(ould come 38)  
Meenah: gimme one good reason  
Feferi: It's the likeliest place for you to run into your "g)(ost boy" and "goblin girl" again.  
Jane: Wait... You think Roxy will show back up at the meeting tonight?  
Feferi: Well du)(. You guys are all fated companions or somet)(ing to that effect. I'm no seer, but I've got a _pretty_ good feeling about tonig)(t.  
Meenah: god dammit  
Meenah: w)(y you always gotta be rig)(t about s)(it.  
Meenah: stupid lousy goddamn sister  


>Rose: Return from the Underside 

Ascending through the labyrinth of steel walkways, parallel with the down-hanging buildings of the underside, Rose follows shafts of light upward toward the sun once more, now arcing away from the middle of the sky toward the horizon.  
  
She waves a hand, produces her mobile from the little pocket of the Abyss where she stored it and the others, and glances through her messages with Fowland. 

Rose Lalonde: Should I be more concerned about magical surveillance by you, or by your uncanny knack for guessing minutiae about my behavior?  
And then skips down the page to  
TT: The last question you asked is a very good question. 

She snorts. 

Rose: Well I suppose he is at least honest about the dubious nature of putting my faith in him.  
Rose: That much is encouraging. 

The sun is warm on her face as she rises back into the top of the city, and banishes the chill of the gloomy underside, and at least for a moment, it sets her mind at ease. She breathes a sigh out and relaxes. It is never easy for Rose to relax, of course. Particularly now that her excellent foresight has graduated into an actual ability to have premonitions and tell fortunes.  
  
Looking into the future right now is unfortunately an exercise in agony for Rose - one that Fowland shares, so far. Paths of promise are shrouded by the fringes of a maelstrom of unfathomable bad luck that swirls around the Hub, growing in size, and clouding any favorable readings. It grows the further into the future she attempts to look. Only a pinhole of light exists at the eye.  
  
And just like that, the relaxing feeling provided by the sun is gone. 

Rose: *She could easily float here in the middle of the air, fifty or so feet above a crowd of hapless and unnoticing passersby for quite some time, just feeling bad about what is to come.*  
Rose: *But at the risk of being trite, worrying about something will result in one suffering twice when it inevitably comes to pass.*  
Rose: *Perhaps it's a good time to begin facilitating communication between her compatriots.*  
Rose: *These mobile devices aren't going to distribute themselves.*  
Rose: *Since she's already been in contact with a couple of them, it makes sense for those two to be her first visits.  
Rose: *John first. Then Roxy.*  
Rose: *She winds up, and takes a flying leap down the Abyssal Stairs.*  


>Dave: Regroup, prepare for evening jam. 

Elsewhere, Dave arrives from his own jaunt down the stairs to the warehouse where he plans to rave later this evening. Being involved in adventure is hardly an excuse to let his burgeoning social life wither away immediately after all. The place no longer serves its original purpose, dilapidated and derelict, its former owners bankrupted.  
  
Now the carcass of the building serves as host to a more voluntary life, used frequently as a venue for the night life of this urb of the city. A bar has been set up inside to host drinks, the floor is tidy and level, and a stage has been set up to host equipment necessary for a DJ or an MC.  
  
Presently however, some of his new acquaintances are busy hustling up their equipment from the stage and packing it up.  
  
He approaches, and interrogates them. The taller and ganglier of the two is named Dennis.  
  
Dennis explains that they still got a gig but there's been a change of venue, in his breezy, informal manner. Yeah, Ron says, in his stuttering, halting diction. Gettin' paid a lot more for the work that they're going to be doing tonight now. Exciting stuff. Well what is Dave supposed to do then, he asks? He's welcome to join them, they say. Where's it going to be, Dave asks. Uptown, says Dennis. Near the hub. Big fancy joint called the Midnight Club. Yeah, says Ron. Some mysterious tall chick with red glasses came by and made us the offer. We couldn't say no.

Dave: *he gets the address for the place theyre going tonight from them and strolls out of the warehouse  
Dave: some chick in red glasses  
Dave: huh  
Dave: i wonder who that could be  
Dave: just kidding its so obviously terezi it isnt even funny  
Dave: i should probably go along with this huh  
Dave: yeah when you sense a trap youre never supposed to actually avoid it you just go like  
Dave: well obviously the next step is to spring the trap on purpose to advance the plot  
Dave: i mean maybe its not literally a trap but it sure feels like a trap  
Dave: ah well  
Dave: hmmm  
Dave: maybe its time that i get all jazzed up if im going to like an actual big deal club tonight  


>John: Seek the Fat Foreman 

John appears just outside his house, and hurries to the yard where he slimed the foreman, looking around and asking after the man.  
  
Apparently, he disappeared from the docks shortly after being slimed, complaining of nausea, and muttering about changing his clothes.  
  
A set of oily footprints lead away from the dock, giving John a good idea of where to follow him. As he is rushing out of the dockyard, Roxy and Nepeta catch up with him. 

John: oh hey!  
John: you guys followed me!  
Roxy: well duh!  
Roxy: cmon were hardly gonna let you go off and do something dangerous alone dood  
Nepeta: :3 < yeah! i dont know what were doing exactly but i wanna help!  
John: okay well you know that oily stuff that was pooling on the floor?  
John: also come on let's walk and talk, i don't know how much time we are. someone could be in danger.  
Roxy: okay yeah that black gunk  
John: yeah, well whenever we move through a solid object, all ghost-like, we leave behind that stuff as residue.  
John: and i decided to use it as a prank on a guy that i work with sometimes  
John: if those monsters can come out of it as a portal...  
John: i'm worried that he could be in danger.  
Roxy: oh jeez :(  
John: *john jumps off the ground and starts floating at running speed along the trail of footprints.*  
Roxy: nep jump on :3  
Roxy: im bettin ghosty powers will let me make you all floaty too  
Roxy: *roxy gets down on 1 knee and pats her back.*  
Nepeta: lol ok :3  
Nepeta: *the little du is surprisingly lightweight even for a small person!*  
Roxy: *roxy hovers up into the air without too much trouble n flies off after johnny*  


As the two of them rush through the narrow alleys between the cheap government housing, the footprints take them a little further from the edge, and a little closer to the city proper. John hurries faster as the footsteps smear more, pooling more heavily with oil.  
  
At last they stand before a slightly upscale house near the border between the rim and the city proper. The footprints are scraping here, and lead into the house. The door is messy with slime, and lies open. Heavy breathing comes from within. It sounds like someone inside has bad sleep apnea.  


John: *john wields his hammer.*  
Nepeta: *nepeta gets off of roxys shoulders and crouches low hackles up*  
Roxy: *roxy draws her stolen contraband rifle*  



	35. Chapter 35

>Narrator: Explain Yourself Concerning This Delay 

Hmm? Ah yes. The break. The mood does strike one every now and again to pause in the recounting of a tale. Sometimes, it helps to preserve suspense, purely for the sake of leaving your audience hanging. Always amusing, isn't it? Other times, the brooding takes one, and one cannot bear to continue. The boredom of existing is too great, and not even an opportunity to do what one does best can shake one out of the malaise.  
  
But the break is over. The time for dallying is done. Now, back to the Meat of our venture. Is everyone seated comfortably? Good.  
  
(That was a rhetorical question, for your benefit, not mine.)

>Jake: Arrive already. 

Already, Jake has been running from Jane so long, that it feels like it's been years. Of course, in reality, it has been years, even if it's only been a handful of minutes since he departed the Peixes Manor.  
  
The reality is, it seems like he has been running from potential suitors for years. Jane and Dirk alike have pursued him at one point or another. Dirk's romance for him was forbidden, and all the more alluring of the two for the freedom that it offered. As you can no doubt surmise, however, it ended poorly.  
  
And Jane... of course, Jane.  
  
He is expected to marry Jane. He has been his entire life. Though Jake loves to roam the wilderness hunting and killing the gods' little creatures, he is not a member of the warrior clan but of the priestly clan, and in order to secure a favorable alliance, his clan's leaders long ago betrothed him to Jane in hopes of securing a favorable alliance for themselves.  
  
He has tried these long years to convince himself that he loves her.  
  
He does not.  
  
All of which you had no doubt already surmised as well.  
  
It's a shame you're not braver. Maybe you could say it out loud to her. But you won't do that, will you Jake?  
  


Jake: *Jake arrives back at the garage after... well, not long in any case*  
Jake: *He disembarks from the pooch, and pats him on the head, fluffing his soft white fur*  
Jake: Good ol halley  
Jake: Ive only known ya a handful of days but ive never known a truer friend  
Jake: Is this what love is truly like?  
Jake: A brobdingagian white hound wholl always listen to you no matter what you want to say?  
Jake: Youre a good dog halley  
Jake: Maybe even a best friend  
Jake: Heh  
Jake Not a very charitable attitude toward my other pals i should really give em a break  
Jake: Hate to be a bad news bear but id better let jade know about the situation with jane  
Jake: Stay put pal  
Jake: Or wander off and have a roll in some nice grass!  
Jake: Youre a wild animal and you can damn well do what you please without my consent Jake: *He heads over to the entrance to the garage and knocks on the door.*  
Calliope: *soon, a rather little person appears at the door to let him in.*  
Calliope: hello there! i gather from yoUr resemblance to a good friend of mine that yoU are mister jake english, aren't yoU?  
Jake: A lucky guess!  
Jake: And a pleasure to meet you um...  
Jake: *He hem-haws over whether to say sir or madam since the gender is a little ambiguous with this one  
Jake: Chum! Jake: Im afraid you have me at a disadvantage though  
Calliope: calliope ^u^  
Calliope: and believe me the pleasUre is all mine sir uwu  
Calliope: step inside! jade's Up in the attic with some tea. i'll fetch yoU some as well if yoU like!  
Jake: Whats tea?  
Calliope: have i got a lovely sUrprise for yoU  


Jake follows Calliope inside the garage, most of which is occupied by partially finished machines, others in the process of repairs, and test areas. The place is lousy with arcane technology the likes of which Jake has never seen before. The place is laid out much like a warehouse, which it may in fact have been at one point or another. Tucked away in one corner is a tidy looking and charmingly domestic kitchen that is extremely out of place in the otherwise heavily in-use garage. She leads him up a set of stairs near the entrance to the garage, toward a door which is partially ajar.

Calliope: forgive the mess here in the workspace.  
Calliope: my brother has never been the most organized laborer and... well  
Calliope: let's just say that i may have picked Up some rather bad habits from him :U  
Jake: Thats quite alright its an impressive spread youve got!  
Jake: I take it youre what passes for a builder here on sanctum?  
Calliope: a repairwoman rather.  
Calliope: caliborn and i take old technology that other people don't want anymore, or that has broken down and we repair, replace, or salvage it on the behalf of oUr clients, and Use the profits to fUnd our personal development enterprises  
Calliope: *she knocks on the door.*  
Calliope: jade yoUr brother is here to see yoU!  
Jade: come right in!  
Jade: *jade hurriedly tucks away her dream journal and comes over to the door*  
Jade: jake! howd the mission go :)  
Jake: *He steps into the room and pulls on his collar anxiously.*  
Jake: *Or he would do that if he had a collar.*  
Jake: Rather badly im afraid  
Jake: *He settles on scratching his neck sheepishly instead.*  
Jade: oof. tell me about it.  
Jade: *she heads over to a "bed" which is really a small built-in chest converted into a sleeping place with a bedroll and some comfy blankets and pillows.*  
Jake: *He follows her over looking around*  
Jake: Tip top accomodations  
Jake: Its bully of calliope to put you up on such short notice as appearing out of thin air from another world altogether  
Jade: i know! i was afraid on such a big world full of so many people nobody would even notice us  
Jade: which has for the most part actually been true :/  
Jade: but callie and i found each other in our dreams  
Jade: literally!  
Jade: do you remember how i have really vivid lucid dreams and ive always been convinced that they mean something?  
Jade: it turns out that they actually do!  
Jake: haha! thats the bees knees jade!  
Jake: you mean to say that you can visit other people while youre sleeping?  
Jake: just as easy as that you can talk with someone far away maybe without even meaning to?  
Jade: yes  
Jade: as a matter of fact...  
Jade: ive been working very hard on compiling a dream journal about some of the most important ones  
Jade: im pretty sure... some of them come from the gods  
Jake: You mean like prophesies?  
Jade: i do mean like prophesies  
Jake: Do you think you can teach me how to do the very same?  
Jade: that... is a very good question  
Jade: hmm...  
Jade: i could certainly try  
Jade: later though! you need to tell me all about getting to see jane again  
Jade: and then you need to go see dirk  
Jake: Oh right  
Jake: His project


	36. Chapter 36

Non-Chapter Update: The State of Homesick, and why the hell it's taking so long.

Hey all. If you were following Homesick at all, you know that it updated every day almost for two straight months and then suddenly fell off around the time I started getting treated for depression.

At the time, I thought this was only because of the fact that my medication was causing me to have a foggy brain, but there are some other related realities that have contributed to its non-existent update schedule for the past three months.

At the start of the year I was suffering from almost debilitating anhedonia, a physiological inability to feel pleasure as a result of dopamine and serotonin deficiencies, and writing Homesick became a way for me to force myself to do something that I knew I enjoyed that also happened to be productive.

During that time, it also helped me to reach out and make a ton of new friendships in the HS Community, which are still serving me to this day.

In a way, daily writing was a form of coping, and in retrospect after my diagnosis, it's become apparent that in the past writing has served this purpose for me too.

I might eventually come back to Homesick and write some more, but I'm pleased with what it did for me at a time that I really needed it.

Sorry Mister Narrator for making your dramatic reintroduction at the beginning of the last chapter look foolish.

For now, Homesick is on hiatus. When it comes back, it'll probably be at the end of my current run of meds, probably sometime in August. Hopefully by the time my brain is completely healthy I'll have the current run of celebratory hedonism out of my system and will be able to focus on something other than "feel something again now that I'm able to."

Much love,

UB.

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! A quick note about the tags for those who have made it this far.  
> As Homesick progresses, I will be adding more tags to the header to account for what's in it, since in all honesty, I don't know what'll happen! I have only blocked out the absolute largest chunks of the storyline. I will therefore only add what tags are relevant to all the content in the whole story. I don't mean for it to be too egregiously horrible, but I will not shy away from subjects which have been dealt with in the source material.  
> I'll be trying to update this at least once a day with posts similar in size to this one.  
> Thanks for reading. I hope I'll keep your interest.
> 
> To leave a suggestion for what our heroes should do next, you can leave a comment, anonymously or otherwise.


End file.
